Transfer? Take a semester off to volunteer? I'm so lost.

Parents Forum
1

<p>Parents, as you have already been through college and can look back with much more experience and wisdom than any of my fellow peers can, I'd graciously appreciate your advice. I also posted this on the Transfer forum, I'm just trying to get as much feedback as possible. Within the past week, I'm now leaning more towards going to my local CC for a semester, hopefully acing all of my classes, and transferring to one of my schools listed later for Spring Semester. Let me know what you think.</p>

<p>Hi everybody - </p>

<p>I haven't been on College Confidential since I was finalizing my college essay, two years ago. Who would have thought I would be asking for more advice now. Anyway, to make a really long story short, as a senior in highschool I applied to only four schools, which was a mistake to begin with - NYU, Northeastern, Maryland, and Penn State. I got into all four, and my decision process went like this (foolishly):</p>

<p>NYU - too expensive. X
Northeastern - in Boston, therefore too cold. X
Penn State - way too big, not academically rigorous enough. X
sooo...decided I'm going to the University of Maryland!</p>

<p>Having finished my freshman year at the University of Maryland, I can honestly say I have experienced the worst year of my life. I had roommate troubles from the beginning (she threw up on herself in her sleep the first week of school, left her soiled shirt in the laundry for a week... went to the hospital with a .34 BAC... brought back three guys within the first two weeks of school.. general unconcern for anybody else's feelings but her own) and things ended really poorly with her, thankfully she moved out of the room though. The semester didn't get much better from there - while I like to party, drink as much as any other 19-year-old, smoke occasionally (just being honest here), the party atmosphere at Maryland absolutely overwhelmed me. Although I was in the Scholars program there, and lived with other Scholars, there was an unbelievable pressure to go out five nights a week. I was shocked, and kind of disgusted - I know that there is pressure to party at EVERY single big state school, but I thought that Maryland really valued academics over partying, and through experience I've learned that's not the case.</p>

<p>in advance everybody - I'm REALLY sorry that this post is long I just have a lot of background information to explain, thanks for taking the time out to read it.</p>

<p>Anyways, I had major issues with being homesick and missing my best friends from home. I also had basically been in a relationship all summer that ended abruptly, and he ended up having the time of his life at college. First semester was miserable - I would cry on the phone to my parents weekly, which is SO beyond unlike me. I never cry, yet college turned me into a weepy baby. I joined clubs, got super involved in school, from volunteering at Maryland's crisis hotline, to the Supply Chain Management society, to organizing events for my Scholars program. Yet, I truly fell into a depression and couldn't find happiness. </p>

<p>I literally counted down the days til Winter Break. The anxiety I developed that semester still hasn't left me..</p>

<p>My parents told me to wait it out another semester before applying to transfer, so I did. I tried rushing a sorority in the Spring, which ended up not working out. This devastated me, as it was just another thing to add to my list. I developed actual anxiety second semester about being at Maryland, and contemplated going on some sort of anti-anxiety medication, but in the end just decided to stick it out for the rest of the semester. Unfortunately, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for second semester. It was just as miserable and depressing for me as first semester. I started having over-the-phone appointments with my Mom's therapist, which helped. At the end of the semester, again, I literally counted down the days until I could go home.</p>

<p>** I just want to note that positive things DID happen to me at UMD - I was accepted to the Clinton Global Initiative for a program some of my friends and I started regarding spreading basic nutrition information to underprivileged children in the DC/Maryland area. I excelled in my classes second semester. Throughout all of this, I have developed AMAZING friendships with people that I know will last a lifetime, no matter where I end up. Volunteering at the crisis hotline was incredibly rewarding in so many ways.</p>

<p>Despite these positives, I hate my school. Being just an ID number at such a HUMONGOUS school is almost traumatic for me. I truly feel like I belong at a better, private school, where the type of college student that goes there is a) more goal/academically driven and b) not your average "in-stater" (although I have absolutely nothing against people from Maryland at UMD - some of my best friends are, although there is a huge crowd whose sole goal is to drink. simply put) Anytime my parents bring up the fact that I am supposed to go back to Maryland in the Fall, I burst into hysterics - it's something that I literally cannot control. I absolutely dread the fact that I will have to return to a place that has caused me so much misery and depression.</p>

<p>This is where I come to a crossroads - why should I go back to a school like this? Maryland obviously is not the school for me - but I didn't apply to transfer for the Fall 2010 semester... so what do I do? I know it's late in the game to be deciding this, but here are some of my stats/options... I am open to absolutely ANY advice.</p>

<p>-I don't know if it matters, but my highschool GPA was a 3.9, 1340/2050 SATs, super involved - 500+ volunteer hours, killer essay, etc.</p>

<p>Maryland Stats:</p>

<p>International Business Major at the Smith Business School
first semester GPA - 3.26 (I feel like in an essay, I could absolutely articulate the extent that I suffered emotionally first semester to explain why my GPA was so low)
second semester GPA - 3.93</p>

<p>cumulative GPA - 3.57</p>

<p>-in-training to be a counselor at Help Center (suicide prevention hotline)
-Global Business Society
-Supply Chain Management Society
-attended the Clinton Global Initiative in Miami in April to present my group's nutrition education program</p>

<p>.........</p>

<p>The logical part of me says to suck it up and go back to school for the semester.
The other part of me says that there is no way I can survive another semester there.</p>

<p>As far as alternative options to going back to Maryland this coming semester, I was thinking : volunteering abroad (teaching English somewhere), doing some other volunteer opportunity, backpacking?, trying to get an internship in NYC, getting a job for the semester as I get transfer stuff together.</p>

<p>So, my question is, WHAT DO I DO? Will taking a semester off reflect poorly on an application? Should I go abroad and "find myself"? I really feel like I've lost some of myself in college and need to do something like that.</p>

<p>I'm thinking about applying to schools like University of Miami, Northeastern, NYU, Cornell, Babson, I'm really not sure though.</p>

<p>Please, I'm begging you guys, give me some advice/direction. Thank you so incredibly much.</p>

2

<p>Check with your parents on the money angle. I’m under the impression that it is harder to get scholarships as a transfer. The schools you list may cost substantially more than U of MD.</p>

3

<p>Dear OP, The financial angle could be the dealbreaker for you. But I was confused by the schools you are considering, none of which is intimate or the kind of place that would be among my top choices if I were to name schools with more serious, acadmically driven students. Miami, in particular, also has a party reputation. </p>

<p>While I don’t doubt that you are unhappy at Maryland, I get the feeling that you may not be leveling with yourself about what is really wrong. You’ve made good friends, found some great ec’s, and achieved a good GPA. There’s a party element at every school that has to be contended with. What’s really going wrong?</p>

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<p>If money is a factor, I suggest that you look at Towson and Salisbury University. Both schools have excellent Business schools. I think you need a smaller school. Maryland is huge and a lost in the crowd kind of place. Another possibility is staying at Maryland, and apply for study abroad for the spring semester. With being an international business major at Smith (which is truly prestigious and something you can feel GREAT about), I suggest you try to find an international study abroad program in Business.</p>

<p>If I were you, I would trim the extra-curricular activities to one or two that you enjoy, increase your exercise (swim, sports, whatever you enjoy to counter stress and depression), make sure you are getting plenty of sleep and eating healthy food, and try to find a quiet single for housing fall semester. I would go on study abroad second semester of the spring, which I think you would really enjoy, and make sure that you go home a little more often.
Perhaps go to student health at Maryland to talk about your concerns at Maryland (the drinking, etc.) and seek out some support there.</p>

<p>Towson and Salisbury are your other options if you just feel you need a smaller school. It is ok to transfer. Visit these schools and then maybe Maryland will look better (or the other schools will feel a better fit). </p>

<p>I don’t recommend transferring to expensive schools unless you are from a wealthy family and would not have loans.</p>

5

<p>I don’t know you well enough to advise you but I will say it sounds like you have thought long and hard about this. I admire that you stuck out the full year at UMD and were able to make good grades - that shows your maturity. I think you need to give a copy your post to your parents and sit down and talk with them. </p>

<p>Remember that the school is what you make of it. There will be kids drinking, partying, etc. at most any school and you will need to deal with it. You may go to a small, private school and hate that everyone knows everyones business, is too preppy, or too nerdy, whatever… You will have many situations in your life that don’t go as you hoped. </p>

<p>The most telling sentence you wrote was “Despite these positives, I hate my school.” I think this says it all (unless you are a real drama queen). If you were my child I would recommend that you take classes at a CC this fall and spend some time visiting other possible schools. Don’t worry so much about yesterday - follow your heart - you know what is best for you!</p>

6

<p>Transferring to a community college is an option, but am not sure this is the best option for the OP. A lot depends upon how the OP feels about moving back home, if s/he likes the local community college, how s/he feels about commuting to a community college, transfer from UMCP to community college to another 4 year university–not sure about that. Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to a college counselor at UMCP about the desire to transfer, and talk to the local college counselor at the community college. I agree that visiting some other schools (local community college, Salisbury and Towson) might help the OP see if one of these other schools are a better fit.</p>

7

<p>If you were my kiddo and you could afford it I would suggest a foreign study or volunteering abroad…it fits your interests and it sounds like you need a mental break. An important thing that I remember about my foreign study was returning after 9 months gone and feeling energized and ready to dive in again. At the very least putting a foreign something plan together will prevent you from making a knee jerk reaction transfer and no where in your original post did I sense that you had a well formed transfer plan and why go to CC? I don’t see a good personal reason on your part for that other than to move home and spend less money for one year of your college experience neither of which did you articulate was something you really wanted to do. If you can swing the finances do the “abroad” trip. If you can study and pick up some credits all the better, if you can’t then use it to formulate a well reasoned plan for transfer.</p>

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<p>Some colleges will let you do study abroad during soph. year. If you are lucky, you will find a study abroad program which offers a business work internship experience. You can also look for a smaller college during study abroad. Study abroad is fabulous! If you go back to UMCP in the fall, you will find it easier knowing that you will be on study abroad in the spring because you will have something fabulous to look forward to. I am sure UMCP will give you college transfer credits as long as you go on one of their programs and work out a transfer agreement in advance.</p>

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<p>It sounds to me like you need a smaller, more intimate school. Are you from Maryland? Have you looked at Goucher? Other schools that come to mind might be Bennington in VT (very small) or maybe even Clark U. in Worcester MA.</p>

<p>Why would you apply to Northeastern? That is another huge school.</p>

<p>I agree with another poster that you showed a huge amount of maturity in getting through the year, and even finishing with great grades. You have a lot of strengths.</p>

<p>The only other thing I would ask is whether you think this depression was truly related to your environment, or had something to do with the loss of home. Do you have trouble with change and transitions in general? Or, perhaps, there might be depression somewhere in your family and the change triggered something that is essentially genetic.</p>

<p>IF you haven’t already, I would try to see a therapist this summer to unravel this. At some schools, well over half of students get through these first years with anti-depressants. Whatever you may feel about that, it is possible that the right one could help you go back and make Maryland work better for you, and then you could taper off. These meds often address both depression and anxiety.</p>

<p>There are problems with every college culture, whether it be partying or, at Ivy League schools, ultra-competitiveness. The trick is to learn not to get drawn in, and deal with what might seem like a recipe for loneliness by finding that minority of students with whom you can really feel affinity. It can take some time, unfortunately.</p>

<p>Normally, I kind of advise people to take a break and rethink things, but for some reason I feel like there is a potential for you to get seriously off track here. Anxiety breeds anxiety, and it may be harder for you to resume college if you let the anxiety determine your path, because it may almost become a matter of phobia. Do you think?</p>

<p>I would stay on the horse so to speak, meaning staying at Md., with support of therapy and/or meds. Then, from that position of strength- and you ARE strong- decide by December if you want to transfer elsewhere, and apply.</p>

<p>If you do apply elsewhere, just make sure, within the limits of ability to pay, that you apply to schools that offer what you have determined you need, which, again, seems to mean a campus with some intimacy, and students with some seriousness of purpose. And maybe close to home, too, for now.</p>

<p>p.s. My son hated his first year and felt lost. By end of sophomore year, he was totally thrilled with the place. It can happen.</p>

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<p>What do your parents think you should do? They know you best, have your interests at heart, and know what they can afford, so this is a really important part of the picture.</p>

<p>If you were my kid and, after giving it a full year, still hating the idea of returning to UMD, I would suggest that you work for a year, save money, (or if finances aren’t a serious issue, volunteer) and transfer to a smaller school-look at a few LACs even. You’ve made a good faith effort to make UMD work. Now it’s time to learn from the experience and move on. Lots of kids transfer after their first year so you will be in good company.</p>

<p>I also want to reassure you that while every school as a party element, there are many schools where the overwhelming majority of students take their academics seriously-and, equally importantly, where the faculty are very engaged with the students in small classes and do lots of mentoring. That’s no protection against the hard partying room-mate, but the culture will be more supportive.</p>

11

<p>My son did not have a great freshman year. He is spending the next school year at community college but we haven’t figured out what happens after that.</p>

<p>Here are my two bits of advice:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Complete the paperwork for a formal leave of absense from UMD (rather than just being a no show); it’s probably very simple and will leave that option open just in case.</p></li>
<li><p>I was never able to find it on anyone’s website, but the registar at son’s school was able to send me a chart of courses typically offered at community college and to what classes they transferred at that school. Apparantly there is quite a long list of basic cc classes (foreign languages, basic science, math, etc.) that will transfer to just about any four year school. I bet Maryland has something similar and I bet if you call the registrar at your local cc, they can send you the list. That way, if you decide to attend cc, you can concentrate on classes that you know will transfer anywhere.</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>Several other things to consider before making a final decision about whether to return to UMCP or not in Fall 2010:</p>

<p>1) Housing situation for the 2010-11 school year? Unlike your freshman year where you were randomly assigned a disastrous roomate situation, you should have had a lot more control over both where and who you will live with if you return to UMCP. So—did you set up housing for 2010-11 at UMCP and what’s your honest opinion about the housing situation? Would you be rooming with some of the friends you succeeded in making at college?</p>

<p>2) Health insurance? You need to make sure that you’ll still have some kind of health insuracne if you decide to take the semester off from school–i.e. volunteer full time instead of attending classes at CC or at UMCP. If you’re still on M&D’s employer-provided health insurance, please check the rules before deciding to take the semester off for some kind of non-academic activity. This is doubly true since you are worried that your experience at UMCP may be triggering some real issues with depression and/or anxiety.</p>

<p>3) If you decide to transfer, you need to look much more carefully at the list of places you are considering. As others have noted, the schools on your list are (like UMCP) large and impersonal. Several of them have party rep’s as well. Several of them are extremely expensive and have rep’s for not being particularly generous with FA for freshmen, and their aid for transfer students is likely to be even worse.</p>

<p>My own humble advice: If you believe that your housing situation at UMCP will be much more supportive because you know, like, and trust the roommates you are scheduled to live with in 2010-11, then go back for the fall semester and fill in applications to transfer in Spring 2011 just to keep your options open. If you’re worried that the housing situation will be just as bad as it was last year, then look into doing something else (CC or work or volunteering) in the fall and complete the transfer applications for Spring 2011.</p>

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<p>

Do you realize that if you return home, you are not returning to the same home as before? Your friends will most likely have moved on to their own colleges… the dynamics will be different. </p>

<p>Also - Study abroad is NOT a good idea if you have issues with being homesick!!! :eek: You are in a foreign country in a foreign culture without the support network of friends and comfort of familiarity. Forget study abroad until you have dealt with the anxiety. </p>

<p>Another point: If you transfer to a new school, you will have to begin the friend-making process again, and this is always more difficult as a transfer student. Many friend-groups have already been formed. Not a problem if you are out-going and confident; more so if you are anxious and shy (not sure where you are on that spectrum.)</p>

<p>So - understanding the above, are you still sure you want to transfer? You may find that going back without the trauma of boyfriend breakup and with the familiarity towards campus, and your excellent friends - you enjoy it more. Or are there some affordable private colleges near you that would accept you this late in the game? With your stats, I would think that many would.</p>

<p>Definitely agree with the poster that recommends that you get counseling and meds if prescribed, asap. to help you sort this out. Good luck!!! :)</p>

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</p>

<p>I don’t agree at all that she is not leveling with herself at all. This rings utterly true to me, because it describes my D’s experience almost exactly at a similar OOS flagship. Yes, the academics were fine, yes, she made some friends, yes, she got involved in worthwhile activities.</p>

<p>But she was bloodsuckingly miserable, due to the party atmosphere. She transfered to a medium-sized LAC and found her people. Sure there was drinking there, but as I’ve argued for many years here on CC, all drinking cultures are not the same. Not in the least. D’s situation was night and day different when she transfered.</p>

<p>So let’s not assume the problems are the OP’s.</p>

<p>OP–if FA is an issue, my suggestion is to cast your net wide. Full-needs schools fund transfers. You have a good GPA and lots of great EC’s, so you might get into one. Look for schools with January admittance, if possible. Perhaps you can face more time at UMD if you know you are putting together a good transfer strategy.</p>

<p>I didn’t see if you said what state you live in; many states have schools (not necessarily the flagship) which are more LAC-like. Like Rowan or Ramapo or TCNJ in NJ, or Mary Washington in VA., or Geneseo or New Paltz in NY. Perhaps that is a possibility in your state; if so, you might be able to apply still for this fall.</p>

<p>Transferring is not easy, and i don’t advocate it unless a student is truly miserable where she is (or for a specific practical reason, like money issues or changed major.) But when you have to, it can be the best thing. It was life-changing for my D. I wish you all the best.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry you had such a rough first year away at school. I had a similar experience when I first went away to college. I decided to transfer and it made all the difference for me. Where are you from? A school closer to home might help and maybe a place with a more intimate environment. Feel free to PM me if you like.</p>

16

<p>I recommend considering a liberal arts college. Many of these give excellent fiinancial aid, meeting 100% of need. A number of them mentioned in Loren Pope’s book, “Colleges that Change Lives,” can be found here: [Colleges</a> That Change Lives | Changing Lives, One Student at a Time](<a href=“http://www.ctcl.org/]Colleges”>http://www.ctcl.org/). Pope’s book does an outstanding job of describing the profile and “personality” of each college. In about two hours of reading you can discover which college sounds like a match for you.
The admissions office and financial aid offices at these colleges are very accessible. You can find out with a phone call or email if it’s too late to apply for fall and if financial aid will be available for a fall or January start. Your story is compelling and shows you in a strong light - any number of these colleges would love to have you join them. It would just be a question of the logistics for starting, in terms of how much remains in the financial aid bucket for the coming year and if there remain openings in their class.</p>

17

<p>I disagree with Anxious Mom that study abroad is a mistake. If the OP returns to UMCP fall semester with the plan to study abroad spring semester, it will make the fall semester easier because the OP has something special to look forward to. Also, study abroad, with a good pick of locations and university, may provide the smaller, closer knit group that the OP would thrive with. The OP is an international business major at Smith which is very prestigious and works well with a business related study abroad program.
I think study abroad is one of the best opportunities available at the university, particularly with careful consideration of placement.</p>

18

<p>I agree. Study abroad through an in-state public university is often a bargain.</p>