Trouble at Miss Porters

<p>Every prep school's nightmare. Loved the piece on GMA radio this a.m. where some alums talked about how there were never any mean girls at Farmington. Give me a break. Every school in this country has them, just depends on how they're handled.</p>

<p>I agree -- there is a whole lot we are not hearing and my guess is that there is some truths that have been inflated.</p>

<p>However -- no one is going to convince me that a student applying ED cheated because of bullying. She cheated because she didn't want to accept the grade she would earn without it. MPS was correct in suspending her and notifying the colleges. Every college I know of requests discipline information and if she lied on her application and said she hadn't been suspended, it just compounds the ethical breach.</p>

<p>What is disturbing re hazing is the "for rent sign" on the bed. Could end up in criminal court too?</p>

<p>By not reporting such infractions BS's can and will lose the trust and standing with colleges and Universities. This would have a detrimental effect on all students that attend such BS for a long time.</p>

<p>I have relatives and friends who have attended BS. I'm also researching it, as I'm thinking of entrusting a child to BS. That is to say, while I didn't attend BS, I've formed some picture of how things usually work. There are parts of the parents'/lawyer's complaint which don't make sense.</p>

<p>First, nothing reported breathlessly as "hazing" in the press fits the bill, in my opinion. It's more on the level of a vigorous difference of opinion in a group of adolescent girls. Now, the parents' only source of information would be their daughter, who is not an unbiased source.</p>

<p>I do get the sense--from the two articles--that this kid was gradually disintegrating as the term progressed. And the parents were worried enough to travel up from South Carolina, beginning in late September. As someone who's looking into these schools, I have to say, I don't think that boarding schools are set up to do therapeutic hand holding. I've always had the impression that kids who develop issues at the top boarding schools have been encouraged to leave the school, work things out, and then come back. </p>

<p>The "for rent" sign might not be a sign of harassment of the student, necessarily. It's very unusual, in a boarding setting, for a boarder to be sleeping away from campus on a regular basis.</p>

<p>My daughter is a student at Miss Porter's and has never experienced or seen any bullying. Furthermore, it seems the faculty are very proactive on this issue, from the first day of school. The school culture encourages the girls to form opinions, articulate them and always respect other points of views and differences of opinions. I feel confident that if an issue of bullying occured, the school would handle it thoughtfully and respectfully for all involved.</p>

<p>


?!?!</p>

<p>Obviously some sort of bullying issue is going on, I'd say the "for rent" sign on her bed and stuff shoved in a corner is a sign of that - that's not funny, that's just girls being catty and mean after the fact. I'd say that the question isn't really whether there is a bullying issue - it's more of how much has been exaggerated from both sides of the stories. Bullying happens, friendships fall apart, and things can go down the drain due to overexaggerated drama, I've seen it happen. I do feel sorry for the girl, it sounds like things have just been tough for her, though I don't that's a excuse for cheating on a test.</p>

<p>girls are mean..............</p>

<p>No one will know the full story until all of the information comes out. BUT if I were a parent who had been paying all of that money for four years, who had trusted the school to embrace and care for my daughter, who had all of the hopes and expectations of a daughter doing well, then THIS all happened . . . I'd be VERY unhappy. Regardless of the young girl's own culpability, sounds like damage control and mitigation was lacking.<br>
So much of our children's lives really is out of our control. A lawsuit won't bring that control back.</p>

<p>First, I want to preface my comment that I have no personal knowledge of MPS or this incident. However, I have tons of firsthand knowledge of how teenage girls behave, both personally, and through family. That harassment takes place is a fact. How it is handled is what makes all the difference. In some schools, again, not MPS, just some schools that I am familiar with, only lip service is paid to anti harassment policies, etc.</p>

<p>If you have a daughter and have not read Queen Bees and Wanna bees or Odd Girl Out, I suggest that you do so, pronto. A lot of the hazing type behavior is by girls who to the other adults in the system seem to be such nice girls, and are "leaders". Girls do not get into physical fights for the most part. There is some of the most devastating psychological warfare played on these fields. If you received the silent treatment by most of your classmates, and no one wanted to eat lunch or dinner with you, which is just a starter for this type of behavior, where would you go? What could you do? </p>

<p>When I say that the school culture is important, especially how incidents are handled, I will give an example. In private day grammar school, a few boys in third grade, held another boy's head in the toilet, and flushed. This I was told was a swirly. I recall no public information being given, but like at Hogwarts, everyone knew. My child had these boys in class, so I got a child's view, plus what other parents heard. To my knowledge the perpetrators were given almost no punishment (they missed gym or ate lunch in a separate area a few days). The message here is very bad. Any other time any students behaved badly in the ensuing years, a similar no comment basically ensued. Then the school wondered why half the class left for high school.</p>

<p>Any attitude of girls will be girls or boys will be boys should not be embraced in an educational institution. All people must be treated respectfully. Vigilance in this regard is paramount. </p>

<p>e</p>

<p>No, it DOES happen more at all-girls schools - at least according to my relatives and friends that have attended both.</p>

<p>No harsh intent, just an opinion. ;]</p>

<p>I think, mmoyan, that it depends entirely on the school, but, in general, all-girls schools are MUCH more nurturing, tolerant and supportive environments for girls than coed schools. That is just a fact that has been shown by study after study. Our family's experience certainly has borne that out.</p>

<p>My d attends an all-girls' school mentioned frequently on this board and has expressed her opinion many times that her current school is much, much less prone to the kind of mean girl bullying that went on at her local public school -- much less. One of the aspects of character that good girls schools try to instill in students is respect for and kindness towards others. And contrary to others' opinions, I believe that the lack of boys actually REDUCES a source of competition and stress for the girls. </p>

<p>Of course, not every girl at my d's schools likes every other girl, but in 3 years, I have never heard of any incident that even approached hazing or bullying. It isn't all sunshine and sweetness, but no where is, and the girls do sometimes sharpen their tongues on each other -- but, for the most part, the girls work hard to solve differences and keep their relationships friendly and accepting. I've seen it and heard about, so I know it's true.</p>

<p>No one should be 'afraid' of all-girls schools for fear of a "mean girl" mentality. If some are like that, certainly not all are. And, I'm sure that the whole story at MPS has yet to come to light. Let's wait and judge after more facts are available. Just because someone alleges something in a lawsuit DOES NOT make it true.</p>

<p>For me the issue would be whether the school is in denial that bullying happens, rationalizes it as "girls being girls," or is aggressively on the lookout for it, viewing the practice as the "enemy" to emotional safety and academic freedom. A friend of mine is an adolescent psychiatrist who specializes in "victimization." He said that with girls, it's so subtle (ignoring someone, not inviting them) that unless you're looking for it, you'll miss it. Nevertheless, it can be vicious and extremely hurtful! I'm sure that all-girls schools already know that. If the school is smart, it will file its response to the lawsuit soon, so that everyone will know what the school did in fact do, what it knew or should have known, etc.</p>

<p>Before unfairly singling out Miss Porters, I think people need to remember that the potential for this type of behavior exists at any boarding school and most schools have a few skeletons in their closet. For example:</p>

<pre><code>(i) A few years ago a number of female alumni of SPS came forward and revealed that they had been sexually harassed by one of the schools most popular teachers when they were students. Apparently this had been going on for a number of years, but the women had kept their individual experiences to themselves because this was such a beloved teacher, they didn't think anyone would believe them, etc. It was only after one or two women came forward that other women revealed it had happened to them as well. I also believe there was an isolated instance of racial harassment at SPS a year or two ago.

(ii) A couple of years ago there were numerous stories about a troubled girl at Milton who apparently had sex with most of the hockey team and was then harassed/hounded out of the school. I believe the parents also brought a lawsuit against the school

(iii) Was a hazing incident at Groton a few years ago that also resulted in a lawsuit being brought by parents

(iv) Many years ago at Choate there was a big drug scandal that ended up being covered in a segment of 60 Minutes. A bunch of kids who were from Columbia took orders from a bunch of students for cocaine, which they intended to purchase for wholesale prices and bring back to school. I think they were caught in customs and things unraveled from there.

In fact, as I remember there was a thread a while ago entitled the dark side of boarding school that discussed some of these issues.

Ultimately, when you have a couple of hundred teenagers living together there is a pretty high potential for mischief. Sometimes all it takes is a couple of bad apples. Ultimately, a school should be judged on what mechanisms it has in place to address these issues and how it responds to these problems. Also, I suspect that for every scandal that ends up gaining traction in the national news media there are four or five that get nipped in the bud by the school involved.
</code></pre>

<p>Oh, and lest I be accused of being an apologist for Miss Porters, I have no affiliation with the school whatsoever - other than briefly dating a "Farmington" girl about twenty five years ago. :)</p>

<p>I have a son who is an eighth grader and who is applying to several BS in the Northeast/Midatlantic. At each school interview this fall, we have been assured that hazing is no longer tolerated. I noted with dismay, however, a comment on this Board about an Anti-Semitic hazing incident at St Andrew's School in Delaware this fall. Does anyone know more about this? I would not want my son in that environment.</p>

<p>I answered this question on the other thread. People may not read this thread which is about Miss Porters who have info about SAS, so that may be why there is no response.</p>

<p>Right out of "Queen Bees." There are mean girls and hazing everwhere. The truth of this story lies somewhere in between, but I suspect that what really happened to this girl would surprise even "Miss Porter." Just the fact that there is a group known as The Keepers, who have been nicknamed Oprichniki, makes one wonder. I am sure they took on unofficial duties that were not known or condoned by the school. </p>

<p>The student involved lost credibility using this as an excuse to cheat. Although I suspect her level of anxiety could very well have been suffocating.</p>

<p>I agree sunny. By saying this made her cheat just made her look dumb.</p>

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>I go to Miss Porter's. Sorry, I haven't been on these boards for awhile, but I feel like it's important to explain the situation, especially to other young girls interested in applying to MPS. I will try and answer as truthfully as possible. I knew the "bullied" girl from the lawsuit - we're not in the same grade, but we've been good acquaintances for awhile. Now, whoever replied scathingly that there's no such thing as "no mean girls", in a way they're correct, but they should also know that MPS truly fosters a warm and caring environment. Of course girls, even girls at MPS, can be capable of cattiness and pretentiousness. But in all my years at MPS, I've never seen ANY girl being singled out and ostracized/bullied. Everyone is just too busy studying/traveling/playing sports, etc. There's a lot crammed into a single workday at MPS. But I've never met any girl at MPS who wasn't at least polite. When the articles came out with titles like "Mean Girls Get Hit With a Lawsuit", my art history teacher wryly commented that it was ironic that they portrayed us as entitled, vicious brats when it was her opinion that she had never met any girls nicer. I wouldn't say we all wear halos, but certainly I've never encountered a group of girls as respectful and civil as MPS girls. </p>

<p>Clearly, as was evident to the rest of you, the press has their facts screwed up. If MPS was a public high school, I doubt any news outlets would have noticed. It may be assumptive of me, but the press was probably attracted by the messy glamour MPS's name suggests. "Poor little rich girl at miss porter's school...." How delicious scandalous. To my disappointment, this story has not only been blown completely out of proportion, but also attracted far more attention than I would have suspected. Online, especially, it's spawned a lot of negative attention. I guess it's always easy (and a fun distraction from real-life issues) to point fingers at the "spoiled prep school brats with trust funds". But the truth is that we are as diverse as any other prep school - if you are wealthy, then it's certainly not to flaunted, since we're all sensitive to those who have less money and privilege. Furthermore, MPS obviously is NOT a golden ticket to Ivy Leagues - they offer great resources and magnificent teachers - but only a few, like any other school, get into Ivies per year, and they are all some of the most hardworking, intelligent girls I have ever met in my life. </p>

<p>The press seems to be focusing not on the fact that the girl was kicked out for cheating multiple times, but on the "Oprishniki". Yes, I understand it sounds bad to any outsiders unfamiliar with the Oprishniki, or "Keepers", as we officially refer to them. It WAS their name in the 50/60's, and there may have been hazing back then. I don't know. Calling them Oprishniki is just something that's been passed down from generation to generation of MPS girls: kind of like a bad habit you can't get rid of. But it does NOT indicate their purpose at all. Their purpose is purely ceremonial. They are strictly monitored, do NOT, contrary to popular imagining, ride around horses at night in black cloaks and carrying pumpkins, beating up other students. They do dress in all black for certain traditions, like Halloween or the "Welcome Tradition", citing all the school rules (and while the JA's stand by in fairy wings, no less!) I don't know a single person who doesn't consider the Oprishniki as one of the best aspects of their unique experience at MPS, so therefore, you could say that the Oprishniki really foster a close community. They do NOT operate as a secret squad, and most of them aren't even friends to begin with, since they are all tapped in senior year. </p>

<p>The facts, from what I've been able to piece together, is this: The girl, Tatum, is one of our student body leaders, in charge of all our social events and activities. She suggested an all-school prom, which led to a dispute (in a close-knit environment of 300+ very opinionated, intelligent and outspoken girls, small things will often spark a debate) I understand some girls were angry at Tatum, and probably expressed this to her. But honestly, guys, have you NEVER seen this happen anywhere else? Simple scenario: Girl in charge suggests a bad idea, other girls hate the idea and mutter among themselves that the idea sucks, and are annoyed at her for it. There was no ostracizing. There was no physical confrontation. From what i remember of Tatum, she was incredibly nice, thoughtful, and intelligent, but also high-strung and easily stressed. This happened in her senior fall, so the combination of college, work, anger from her peers, etc. may have indeed led her to cheat. Either way, she was caught cheating on her Art History test with notes on her lap. MPS has a two-strike policy. You don't get kicked out for cheating once; suspension or probation perhaps, but they always give you a second chance. For Tatum, who was a pet of the administration and well-loved in our community (not to mention prominent) I have a feeling that they even cut her some slack. She was asked to leave. But many girls I know at MPS have been kicked out for the same reason - as anyone who goes to prep school knows, plagiarism/cheating is one of the most serious offenses you can commit. And from my experience from knowing other kids who have been caught cheating, most girls like Tatum are most likely are a repeat offender - in the past, you have probably been doing it for a long time, from small things like cutting-pasting Wikipedia answers, etc. But everything else is rather grossly exaggerated. For instance, the "for rent" sign was not the part of a cruel prank, but belonged to Tatum herself. </p>

<p>The lawsuit and especially the news reports have been quite a blow to our community. Most of the students have concentrated on consoling the new Head of School, who is experiencing her first year at MPS. The administration and teachers have been equally supportive of us, and encouraged us to feel sympathy for Tatum - she did truly love MPS, and did a lot of things for the school - in many ways she was the MPS golden girl, another reason why we were all so shocked - I have a feeling the lawsuit was her parents' idea. Her father is the vice president of an insurance company, so obviously they have the means to sue. </p>

<p>I hope all questions have been answered, and if not, feel free to reply/send me a PM.</p>

<p>Thank you for taking the time to respond. It is valuable to have your information as the press is almost completely useless.</p>