<p>rmldad–I was curious as to what you actually thought you would be able to “do” about the situation? Obviously you can’t forbid the room mate to bring the TV. Would you order your son to tell the roomie no TV? I can see discussing how to handle things that come up between the boys as a result of the TV–like how to negotiate not having a crowd in the room after 11 p.m., or listening with wireless head phones when one roomie is trying to sleep–that would be useful.</p>
<p>Although none of my sons brought a TV to school, all of their roomies did. It was never a big issue. Most boys don’t watch much TV other than sports–they more often seem to use the TVs to play games. That can be a good way to meet people on the floor.</p>
<p>TV “rules” can be discussed when the students create their room mate contracts. Wireless headphones are always a good thing to have.</p>
<p>My sons generally chose to study away from their rooms, because the rooms offered so many distractions–napping, friends, even laundry-- and preferred that the room be a place to kick back and relax.</p>
<p>One correction–my middle son did get a TV for his private room when he moved in to his fraternity house. Sometimes he just wanted to escape from living with 20+ of his best friends and have some alone time. It had no effect on his excellent grades or on his social life–he was president of his fraternity and involved in several other campus groups.</p>
<p>DS brought his tv second semester and his room became a huge social spot. Of course, his tv is attached to a video game console. he lives in a suite in a fraternity house, so roommates could close the bedroom door and nap. His roommates want the tv to return this fall. At this school they study a lot, but it was nice to have for certain nights. It was also nice to have during major sporting events and marathon sessions of Walking Dead. Everyone in the room was on the Dean’s List, so I don’t think it made a difference.</p>
<p>I would agree with MizzBee. Boys bond over video games. They don’t have to talk to each other to become friends. My son did take his TV mostly for video game use. He watches movies and netflix on his laptop so having the bigger set made no difference in that regard.</p>
<p>Funny part was when I was going off to college, I got into a shouting match with an aunt because she felt I “need” a TV in my dormroom which she was more than happy to provide. </p>
<p>I held my ground and refused because I’ve heard horror stories of undergrads flunking out due to wasting too much time watching TV to the neglect of their studies and seen it happen among neighborhood kids at the HS level…sometimes to the point of dropping out. </p>
<p>The fact that aunt was similar in her perspectives on prioritization of academics in college to another aunt who caused her Ds to be asked by their advisors to leave their respective PhD programs because she insisted they joined in her weekend dinner parties to such an extent their graduate work suffered also played a major part in my insistence to not being a TV to my dorm freshman year…or my entire undergrad years altogether. </p>
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<p>True. However, if it really becomes an issue…especially if the roommate bringing the TV wants to turn the shared dormroom into a “TV/social central” space, the roommate who has issues with this seriously needs to consider getting a more compatible roommate and be proactive about it. </p>
<p>Especially considering a “TV/social central” space can be a serious distraction and disturb roommates and neighboring dormrooms who desire some quiet time for studying, relaxation, and sleep. Not to mention it can cause a serious decline in academic performance among the ones who created that space as a younger then undergrad friend* and several of his friends have found. Some of them ended up racking up enough noise violations in the dorms to be subject to judicial sanctions…including suspensions and/or ended up being suspended/expelled for academic reasons. </p>
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<li>This ended up hurting him with more desirable employers in his field(CS) senior year and more importantly, factored into his being considered “uncompetitive for promotion” several years later at a major household name computer technology firm because he didn’t start/finish a company sponsored professional Masters degree with a local university with a topflight CS department within the few years of being hired whereas most of those hired with him did.<br></li>
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<p>Not always. Some boys don’t care for video games because they prefer more social and/or outgoing activities which take place outside the dormrooms or even buildings. </p>
<p>Others may have sworn them off during their undergrad years because they know such games are so addictive for them that if they partake, their entire semester may go down the drain in short order. </p>
<p>There are also boys who never gotten into them because they grew up in families which couldn’t afford them and/or banned them because the parents viewed them as huge distractions from school/family/social development or a “bad influence” for religious and/or other factors. </p>
<p>Some families in my old NYC neighborhood…including mine wouldn’t allow video games not only for financial reasons, but also because they were commonly associated with academically unmotivated kids with serious criminality issues* to feed their gaming fix. This factored into a bit of a culture shock when I encountered video gamers in my early undergrad years who had gaming consoles and not only gained admission to my LAC or other respectable/elite colleges, but also did fine academically and had no issues with crime/criminality. </p>
<p>Funny part was this negative perception of video gaming didn’t apply to computer games. Granted, a large part of that was computers were perceived as the preserve of the “good smart kids” back in the '80s and '90s because one still needed to know DOS to run many games then. </p>
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<li>I.e. Burglarizing businesses/homes with video games and mugging folks for quarters to feed the arcade games. All the ones in my old neighborhood ended up dropping out of school and serving time at various points for their crimes.</li>
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<p>I think TV in a freshman dorm room is a bad idea.
Red flags went up when my kid’s first roommate showed up with a big flat screen TV and other expensive furnishings. Oh well. The roommate was expelled in the first semester.</p>
<p>When my kids are home they’ll sometimes watch a movie with me for an hour or so before the phone rings and off they go to a party or whatever. If your kids are reasonably social people with a mix of interests, their first choice activity won’t be to sit around watching TV.</p>
<p>I’m glad this was pretty much a nonissue since my son’s dorm doesn’t have cable. Putting my foot down on no gaming console for the 1st semester was more of a concern for me. I think it would’ve been harder to make that argument if he was bringing a tv. Now if his roomate brings a gaming system, that’s completely out of my control. But I can guarantee that if that’s the case, he’ll be bff with the roomie :)</p>
<p>Oh Please Cobrat. There are TONS of places on a college campus to study. I’ve been to your undergrad school and seen the facilities. There are study lounges all over the place AND a great library. If a student is distracted in their dorm room, they can study in any number of other places and do well.</p>
<p>How about this scenario…DD’s second roommate (long story, but the first one moved out after a month to be in the same dorm as a boyfriend)…only came to the room to study and sleep. She was one of the more antisocial students on the floor. DD was NOT allowed to have guests in the room (other girls from the floor included) when the roommate was there studying. The RA tried to e and suggest the dorm study lounge. basically my kid was NOT allowed to socialize with her friends in HER room any evening after 5:00. </p>
<p>That is much worse than having a TV, in my opinion.</p>
<p>Sorry…there are many reasons why roommates don’t see eye to eye. There are many distractions on a dorm floor. If there isn’t noise in your room, there could be next door or down the hall.</p>
<p>Both my S’s had TV’s in their dorm rooms. Both were supplied by their roommates ( friends from high school). My kids had TV’s in their bedrooms at home so it wasn’t a big deal. They were used to background noise. I’m pretty sure all their friends had TV’s too. Watching sports on a computer just isn’t the same. </p>
<p>Both my S’s have graduated now and are doing well. Having a TV in their dorm room was not a hindrance. Both kids moved off campus after freshman year. In their college apartments/houses every roommate had a tv in their bedroom.</p>
<p>Just want to second thumper - dorms are noisy places all hours of the day and night (despite so called quiet hours). Kids walking around, talking to each other in the halls, etc. My daughter brought one of those draft things to put by her door last year to keep the sound out when she was studying in her room. </p>
<p>My daughter did not bring a TV last year but ended up with somebody else’s TV in her room (hooked up only to a Wii game not to any cable) because she had room in her single and the other kid did not have room in their double. The TV had been gotten for free at the beginning of the year at one of those sales where they collect unwanted stuff when kids move out and then sell them the next year when kids move in again. (it was not a flat screen but a big chunky one)</p>
<p>Her friends often watched movies together - they hooked up a laptop (used Netflix or YouTube to get the movies) to a projector in an unused classroom and hung out there. (These were very nice classrooms in their dorm building so it was convenient.)</p>
<p>Insistent about what? The roommate has the right to bring a TV, and the suggestion that your son pay for the fridge because the roommate is supplying the TV is within the normal range of roommate negotiations.</p>
<p>Sometimes, college students have major roommate problems. This is not one of them. </p>
<p>I suggest staying out of it. Save your input for situations where you actually have the right and opportunity to contribute to the discussion.</p>
<p>DS is certainly an adult and capable of making his own decisions. FWIW, I haven’t talked with him about this issue yet, although I’m pretty sure he knows my opinion.</p>
<p>However, I don’t like the “Pay the tuition, then shut up and go away” attitude. There is a continuum of influence that a parent can exert between Nuclear (I won’t pay anything for college unless my decision stands) and Total Passivity (Whatever the student wants is fine).</p>
<p>I realize that the beauty of many dorm interactions is their casual nature and spontaneity which can be enhanced by devices such as a TV and game console. My opinion is that these events can happen just as easily around the Common Room TV. However, this issue does not seem to merit parental intervention (at least not yet).</p>
<p>Many thanks to those of you have posted encouraging stories. At this point, I don’t know how the TV will be used - perhaps it will not even be turned on for weeks at a time. As thumper and others have pointed out, roommates have a variety of ways to be antisocial or distracting.</p>
<p>The “common room” in a dorm is NOT the gathering spot that it was when we parents went to college. Kids tend to do their “program viewing” in their rooms via either their computer or a tv. Heck…when I was in college, the ONLY room in the dorm that had cable was the common room. Now it’s in each dorm room. Times have changed.</p>
<p>I will say…when there is something special on (Olympics, world series, great movie) you will see a party in the common room. But not day to day.</p>
<p>I agree with Marian. Stay out of it. Our kid had the same email…roomie was bringing a fridge and a rug. DD was asked to get a TV. Keep in mind we were traveling 3000 miles from home. We went to Target and got a TV when we got to the college town.</p>
This isn’t that. This issue is about the fact that the roommate has a right to bring whatever he wants as long as he is in compliance with the rules set forth by the university. You can and should discuss your son important things like time mangement and the dangers of being distracted, but you have nothing to say about how the roommate lives his life as long as he is abiding by the rules. There are all sorts of rules-allowed behaviors that might make you crazy, but you and your son will have to live with it.</p>
<p>If you are bothered by the TV, how are you going to handle visitors, sexiling, and actual conflicts?</p>
<p>My d has a TV, and old heavy one that used to be in the basement family room. She has to find a fb player or a wrestler or somebody to lug that sucker in because I’m not going to do it! She usually has no problem with that. </p>
<p>D does study in the room. The television isn’t a distraction. She and her roommate se to have worked out when to have it on. I’d be another parent who would say leave it alone (although you never have to agree to supply one). This is a small issue in the grand scheme of things, and your s really can work this one out of his own.</p>
<p>If it was your son who was planning to bring a TV to college, and you thought this was a bad idea, it would be entirely appropriate for you to express your opinion. You might even do things to discourage the acquisition of a TV (such as not allowing him to bring one from home).</p>
<p>But you have no say about what your son’s roommate does, as long as it doesn’t violate university policy.</p>
<p>I think boys and girls use common TVs (not ALL of them, yes, I know, cobrat) differently. Boys are much more likely to use the TV for gaming, and for some movie watching. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to follow TV series. Any of these can take up way too much time, or they can be a fun socializing opportunity in moderation. I’d prefer no TV as well, but I think it’s much more important to make sure your kid thinks carefully about time management–and not just schoolwork, but also using the other opportunities at college.</p>
<p>By the way, the lack of cable doesn’t mean that a TV won’t be used a lot. As I think somebody noted, they can connect the TV with the internet and watch Hulu and Netflix–which is what a lot of them are doing on their computers anyway.</p>
<p>But you have no influence on the life of your son’s roommate. </p>
<p>This is the roommate’s room as well as your son’s, and both have the right to bring what they want. * If you son has an issue with the TV * then he can talk to his roommate about it, but otherwise butt out. And even if your son has an issue with it, he can’t just stop the boy from being the TV. </p>
<p>The worst thing you could do is tell your son to tell the roommate not to bring the TV, when your son couldn’t care less (or maybe even wants the TV). It comes off as a bit “controlling” and doesn’t make for a good relationship between the son & the roommate. (and well cause your son to be more than a bit annoyed with you)</p>
<p>This is just my opinion as a teenager though, so you can discount this if you want.</p>
<p>If you’re not a TV person, I think the most you can do is to say to roommate that “TV’s not my thing so you buy it and get something you want…I’ll buy the fridge/microwave or whatever.” You definitely can’t keep them from bringing one. The nice thing is that now new TVs are so slim they don’t take up entire side of room. Now a TV is more expensive item so you are within rights when splitting up purchases to say that it’s out of your budget and roommate can do that if important to them.</p>
<p>My girls mostly watch on computer since their free time rarely is the same time as when the show is one. But youngest did have one freshman year and they enjoyed occasional movie night with friends (they had lots of floor space compared to some rooms) and almost always made time on Mondays for Castle Honestly neither of mine would have had one freshman year if the roommate hadn’t brought one, but they did enjoy them.</p>
<p>I was the only person on my hall that brought a TV along to college. Naturally my room became the gaming/TV room. It worked out well, because I always had plenty of willing study buddies since nobody could get in unless I wasn’t busy doing homework. :)</p>
Honestly neither of mine would have had one freshman year if the roommate hadn’t brought one, but they did enjoy them.</p>