UC Essay prompt 1: Good essay, need opinions

<p>I have just written my essay for the UC Prompt #1. Will anyone critique it for me? Post here, or pm me, and i;ll send it to you.</p>

<p>send to me.</p>

<p>I'll read it. PM me.</p>

<p>sure, I'll read it. :)</p>

<p>I've been told my essay is "good" but i need more critique, anyone else wanna help?</p>