UC personal statement #1 need revision help

<p>I'm going to apply for architecture major in the UC system. UCB or UCLA. My SAT score is certainly not an advantage I think, and I have no SAT II score. So I have to work on my essay and portfolio maybe. Really need some help on my essay.</p>

<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>“Draw a circle, Dandan...Yes, and then a vertical line. Good. An apple is done.”In a video clip of my early years, it is not hard to see such scenes when mom is teaching me drawing. She is a patient teacher, and a real one in the university. Much to her dismay, I was always scribbling on site plan papers and viewing design works of her students, making a total mess. Unlike my caring mother, father is more detached from my growth. An architect as well, he focuses on his work. A pile of drafting paper, several marker pens, a compter screen displaying a CAD graph which looks like labyrinth are the mysterious impression I have on him. When my grandpa told him that I may have talent in art and suggested him to spend time in giving me some academic help, he smiled and said, “she need to feel the world herself before enlightenment.” By the way, talking about my grandpa, I remember the classical music playing around the room with my extemporaneous dance steps. He is the first one who accompany my father to draw and noticed my father’s discerning character when he draw the folding legs of flying birds according to the observation. Therefore, being artistic is a family legacy that carries on for generations in my family.
Being in a bid family, I receive love more than I need. However, far from spoil me, they give me freedom, and far from really teach me any academic knowledge, they encourage me to do what I want. To play art seriously can be summarized to be my favorite sentence. The paradoxical attitude towards art world results from the versatile approach to various art form at my early age when I practice Chinese calligraphy under grandpa’s guidance, play keyboard with grandma and learn to play guitar by myself. Not all of them are enjoyable trials that stay with me in the later years. However, I still feel grateful that my family allow me to play with them without forcing me to commit myself to any of them. But my ardent love for art is serious and I am lucky to finally find an art that, I believe, will keep my interest until forever: architecture. I can not deny the influence of my architects parents since they enable me to experience the career earlier than other kids, but I truly discover the magic behind architecture once I get to know it. It is a sacred world full of freedom, a realization of the imagination and a space where true cerebration occurs. No wonder my father seems to love his work more than he loves me. I eager to read every book on my parents’ bookshelf, the books with brownish pages and scattered notes. I eager to understand every elegant line on my father’s trace scroll, lines that jump out of the paper to represent not only buildings but creative mindset. I eager to explore every aspect of architecture: its form, its function, and its relationship with nature and human beings. But despite of all these aspirations, I play with architecture seriously: remain openminded for possibilities, serious in devoting myself in the field.</p>

<p>bid=big…sorry for typing mistake</p>