My UC personal statement! Read?

College Essays
1

<p>I started since yesterday and I've written essay after essay changing topic after topic. Its horrible!! However I've finished my 2nd prompt and opinions please?</p>

<p>I’ve always drawn as a child. Pastels were my favorite the texture and chalky feel it had. Even now drawing is a passion and favorite pass time. Of all the things that I am capable of doing, drawing exceeds all. Although I love art I am only decent at it. I see so many other artists that exceed even my own expectations and I am always in awe. Many times I thought of not going through with art as a major but I couldn’t ignore my one and only talent.
I wanted to brush up and improve on my skills because what I had wasn’t enough for me. I took art classes and learned the basics of drawing and sketching. I looked through drawing books and practiced. My drawing skills became pretty well known, especially at temple for it was a small community. Soon I began drawing comics for the temple illustrating the life of Buddha. Although it was hard work I enjoyed this time staking task because the kids loved it.
One Sunday morning at temple I was waiting for the bathroom and a friend’s mother stood in line behind me. She told me that my friend thought that I was an amazing artist and that he loved all my drawings. I could only laugh and say that I’m not the best and I know so many that are much better than me. “That may be true but your drawings have your heart and thoughts in them and that’s what he sees and likes”
I stopped taking art classes. I suddenly didn’t feel the need. For the first time, I sat down and drew with my emotions. I was so caught up on improving my skill and precision I didn’t stop to think of the feelings brought out from my art work. I was engulfed in my art like never before. I was swallowed by my sadness, happiness, excitement, I felt it all. Through each line and sketch, it was becoming more alive, something more personal. Never before did I give so much thought about my art.
Art has can be looked at in two ways, I’ve learned. There is the outer layer that shows the skill and talent. At times, it can show beauty but also can be lacking. There is the inner layer that shows true emotion and thought. In a way my art relates to myself. At first glance I may not look interesting but I know in the inside I am unique, staying true to myself and all those around me.</p>

2

<p>??? Anyone?</p>

3

<p>As I read the last paragraph, you’ve learned to blend technique and emotion in your art, which has given you more self-confidence and made you a better artist. That’s a great premise. </p>

<p>I think you need edit it so that it relates more directly to that. </p>

<p>I would remove all the stuff that talks about what a bad artist you are or that you aren’t interesting. Obviously it isn’t true, so it comes off as false humility. Being quiet, or reserved isn’t the same as not being interesting. </p>

<p>There may be some words omitted in the sentence about pastels being your favorite. Also it is “pastime” not “pass time” and I’m not sure what you meant by “time stalking task.” “time-consuming” perhaps?</p>

4

<p>Ahh thank you! I didn’t even catch those. I appreciate your opinion!</p>

5

<p>No more? ):</p>

6

<p>I guess thats it?</p>

7

<p>Re-word the second sentence so it flows better and is grammatically correct. Maybe a comma before the word the? But I really like how you tie it in at the end. (: So many artists get caught up in the dry details, it’s nice to read about one who doesn’t.</p>

8

<p>Yaayy thank you! (:</p>