UC Personal Statement advice? PLEASE

Transfer Students UC Transfers
1

<p>Hello everyone i would love some feedback before i officially submit my application. </p>

<p>--TRANSFER PROMPT--
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement. </p>

<p><<<<a basic="" overview="" of="" what="" i="" talked="" about:="">>>>>> </a></p><a basic="" overview="" of="" what="" i="" talked="" about:="">

<p>My intended major is Psychology. I talk about coming from a big family and how my parents are immigrants and always taught me the importance of where we came from. They would make us only talk in our native language. Because of this i felt as though i had two different identities, one at home and the other at school. I started to observe the people around me because i wanted to be able to identify with one or the other. I started to notice that i had become really good at decoding peoples behaviors and actions. I also had become that one friend that listened to all your problems and help come up with solutions. I started a conflict resolution club in my middle school. Everyone around me claimed I should enter a career in the psychological field and i although i had a great interest in psychology i never really thought much of it until my little cousin was born. </p>

<p>She was born with autism and i talk about how i felt like i was being introduced to this whole new side of psychology and how because of my cousin, psychology became my passion. I haven't participated much in activities that pertain to psychology but being around my cousin, i often would go to the clinical psychologist office with her and help her with her verbal communication. I also have participated in a Autism speaks walk<--- should i add that or does it not really have to do with my major? </p>

<p><<<<general prompt="">>>>>
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? </general></p>

</a><p><a basic="" overview="" of="" what="" i="" talked="" about:=""><<<<</a><a basic="" overview="" of="" what="" i="" talk="" about="">>>>> </a></p><a basic="" overview="" of="" what="" i="" talk="" about="">

<p>I talk about how my parents came here with nothing and how they were able to successful. Because My parents taught me the importance of education, i felt pressure all the time. I could never do anything without being fully prepared. I always set goals and plans accordingly. when things wouldn't go the way they were planned or i didn't reach the goals i had set for myself i would have a panic attack and think of my self as a failure. The experience i talk about is how i was at a family gathering at a park near my house. It was more of a hiking/nature park than a playground kind of park (just to clarify). I though we were just having a BBQ/picnic but my cousins wanted to hike up this Hill as well, i felt as though i wasn't prepared and decided to stay behind. </p>

<p>All but one of my cousins left me behind. She basically told me that i couldn't let self doubt get in the way of life. I always admired her because he had gone through a lot of difficulties but it never seemed to get to her. She passed away two years after that day. Basically i couldn't forget that conversation we had and i went back to that park in that same morning that i had found out she had passed away and decided i was going to hike up the hill. And as i did so i suddenly reached the top. I felt i had become a whole new person. I felt at peace with myself and everything seemed to become clear. I realized that i cant live in fear of not being successful or shying away from obstacles. I have become a more balanced human being. I still haven't let go of of setting goals for myself but i have let go of the self doubt and unnecessary pressure that i added on to it. </p>

<p>Ignore any typos i may have had since this was a long overview. Just to clarify this is not my actual Personal statement just things i talked about in it! </p>

<p>Anyways i was wondering two things: </p>

<h1>1. Did i answer the questions properly</h1>

<h1>2. If my topics are appropriate</h1>

<p>FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY SUGGESTIONS! </p>

<p>Thanks again!</p>
</a>

2

<p>I would love to hear your suggestions!</p>

3

<p>1st which UCs are you applying to? Only UCLA,UCB, UCI and UCM will take statements into consideration for admissions.</p>

<p>2nd Not good. </p>

<p>“I haven’t participated much in activities that pertain to psychology” this is a problem because this is exactly what you need to talk about here. Furthermore the events should be current or recent (i.e. after high school) </p>

<p>“i often would go to the clinical psychologist office with her and help her with her verbal communication. I also have participated in a Autism speaks walk”
I’d focus on this stuff</p>

<p>Talking about your parents working hard is one of the most cliche immigrant stories. It also doesn’t say much about you. Likewise having your parents push you too hard is another cliche story.</p>

4

<p>I thought prompt one can use a little more of your experience with your cousin being autistic and how that has affected you positively, in which you’ve developed a passion to psychology. I don’t like that you talked about middle school. Nor do I like that you mentioned how you had dual identities with your ethnicity/nationality growing up. Why don’t I like them? Because they seem so irrelevant compared to your cousin having autisim and how you’ve basically had to take care of her. </p>

<p>Prompt two had similar problems much like the first. I don’t like the introduction. I do, however, like the story of you and your cousin and the symbolism of the hill. </p>

<p>My advice is to not talk about different stories - such as middle school or your family struggles. It has a lot of potential to be something but right now it sounds kind of distracted with other stories trying to intervene.</p>

5

<p>Thanks For the honesty @Bomerr and @oncative ! I am not applying to Berkeley or UCLA so that is why i am not too worried about my personal statement. I am applying everywhere else though and I have a 3.7 GPA (hopefully higher by the end of spring semester) SO i am leaning more on my GPA than my personal statement.
I totally agree with you guys. For the first prompt i will only focus on how i discovered my passion for psychology through my cousin. For my second prompt i am debating on what to do/change but since I am not applying to a school like Berkeley or UCLA should i even be worried about UCM or UCI since they will be the only schools reading it?</p>

6

<p>Since the only schools that are actually going to read my personal statement are UCM and UCI. Should I even be worried about my personal statement?</p>