<p>Hi, i was looking for help to revise my Personal Statement essay. I was looking to apply to UCI, UCSB, and possibly UC Merced. Thank you!
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Essay:
I remember the stares all too well, these stares filled with doubt and surprise. I even received a stereotypical comment, Tennis tryouts are on the opposite side of campus! The entire football squad was baffled to see a six foot, four inch tall Asian boy try out for a spot on the team. My Vietnamese ethnicity is usually unknown for participating in the realm of team sports, especially football, so I could understand where these looks were coming from. Little did they know, I would have a massive impact on the team in the years to come. By my senior year of football, I had received First Team All League status for Offensive Tackle and became the team captain for the Offensive Line. Football has played a major part in my high school career, and helped me attain various attributes which will serve me well later in life.
I decided to try football because it seemed new and it stood me apart from the rest of my friends at the time. This decision ultimately paid off, resulting in a meticulous set of skills and a brotherhood of whom I will never forget. From the various two-a-day practices in 105 degree heat to the tedious grind of the weight room, I have learned to work hard striving towards a new goal everyday. The thing I appreciate most about my accomplishments is that they were never handed to me; rather I earned each one on my own. Throughout my football career I was not very athletic; however I did not let this obstacle dissuade me. I committed myself to improving whatever it takes, I would repeat this numerous times in order to get through a difficult challenge. Over time, the fruits of my labor finally began to arise. In my junior year of football, I was nominated as the First Team All League Offensive Tackle, the highest high school accolade for a football athlete. Though my most honored contribution to the team came as the captain of the Offensive Line. Our coach would miss a few practices from time to time and entrusted me with the privilege to train and coach the offensive line on these occasions. I was looked upon during the times of despair, as well as scolded in the times of mishap. However, this humbling responsibility has only given me the desire to strive for bigger and better goals.</p>
<p>At the end of my four years I have become more determined, diligent, and committed. I have acquired these lessons through tough and painful experiences that have only taught me to persevere and aided me in the transformation from a reject to a five star leader and athlete. Furthermore, these lessons have trained me to have a tendency to strive hard in anything that I wish to accomplish in life.
Word count: 470</p>