UC Personal Statement Help Please

<p>Hi i have an essay i wrote in response to the UC personal statement prompt #1.
It was written as a sample in an application to be accepted to one of UCLA's summer programs. I was denied. Maybe due to the fact that i turned it in on the deadline. LOL</p>

<p>But i feel it is strong but a bit unorthodox, though it is similar to a sob story...</p>

<p>Please would anyone help me out and read it? I want to know if its strong, or if it is very unoriginal.
And in comparison to an idea i have for prompt 2, if it is better than writing about how the sport of cross country and track really changed my life (made me healthier, more social, gave me sort of a leadership position, created a great sense of accomplishment, etc.) If i should invest more words into this idea for prompt 2 than in prompt 1.</p>

<p>Thanks, please reply and ill "pm" it to you.. or send to your email.</p>