UC Prompt #2, Any help is greatly appreciated

<p>Prompt #2 (all applicants)</p>

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

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<p>A quality that is important to me is my willingness to take on challenges. Challenge has kept me motivated throughout high school and helped me to find out who I was. I was a person who wanted to take the challenges which others are afraid to take to help out the people who are in need of help. I decided that I wanted to be a doctor who studies to cure cancer. There has been countless number of researches done on the subject of cancer, but the answer has still not been found. I was proud of my quality of seeking challenges because regardless of how difficult my goal seemed to be, my desire to find cure for cancer was simply another challenge which I enjoyed.</p>

<p>My life has been filled with many different challenges. As a child, I've moved to several countries, totaling up to four different countries. This was a challenge for me because each time I moved, I had to adapt to the new culture, new language and new people. Not knowing the language, I'd struggle everyday to get my message across in school and occasionally, I had to use hand signals to barely describe what I was trying to say. Although it was quite difficult trying to adapt to the new environment at first, I enjoyed putting endless amount of time everyday trying to learn the language and the different aspects of the culture and soon enough, it became a second nature to me.</p>

<p>In school, I began my freshman year as a person not knowing what to do with future. Although my freshman year grades ended very poorly, I found myself interested in the subject biology by the end of the year. I decided to take chemistry during my sophomore year in an attempt to continue another year of biology in my junior year. Already knowing that biology seemed interesting to me, I wanted to take a challenge and take other extracurricular activities which related to biology such as Science Olympiad and as I hoped, one of my events was cell biology. Although I was taking other courses at school than biology, I wanted to spend more time reading the biology book than any other ones such as calculus or physics. Both school and cell biology event further helped me to see what I wanted to do with my future. I wanted to be a person to study the mystery of cancer. I spent part of my day trying to finish all the school work and spent rest of the time studying for Science Olympiad. Although it was difficult trying to balance out my academic and social life at first, I soon adapted to the new working environment. In the end, I was able to place in Science Olympiad and I did very well with my advanced placement exam for biology.</p>

<p>What motivated me to live through my life is the countless number of challenges which I had to face against. Although at times I was stumbled and did not know what to do, I enjoyed trying to think of all the different solution to the problem and trying them out. I value this quality very much and I appreciate it even further because it's what will help me in the future to accomplish what I want to do with my life, to help the people in need of help.</p>

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<p>Any help in terms of grammar, structure, or whatever you can find, I'd greatly appreciate the help!</p>

<p>I'm thinking English isn't your first language? a lot of grammar errors, most of your "has" should be "have", id go through it but grammar is hard for me too!</p>

<p>your 3rd sentence starting with " I was a person..... could be structured better, it took me couple of reads to understand what u meant</p>

<p>Taking a brief glance, I was kinda bothered by the tense in the first paragraph. For example, when you wrote, "I was a person who wanted..." it seemed like you were talking about your past dreams/desires. Furthermore, you might want to make the "was" in "helped me to find out who I was" to "am" because it sounds like you are no longer the same person that you are describing.<br>
So you might want to check over your tense in the first paragraph and make anything that relates to you currently in the present tense.</p>