<p>Congratulations @CalBruin! I am happy you were able to come to your decision (:</p>
<p>For me, the decision is getting harder the more time I spend trying to figure it all out. UCLA and Cal both offer me things that I feel appeal to different aspects of who I am, trying to decide what part of me is more important is hard. </p>
<p>Warning: what is written below is an irrelevant and long winded rant on why it is so hard for me to make a decision. I decided to write and post it because it isn’t something I’ve spoken to anyone about and I feel the need to release it into the universe. </p>
<p>UCLA, it gave me good vibes. It surprised me. It felt right walking around the campus. Impressions aside, UCLA also represents something else for me - the potential to be involved in the world of music. Music has been my passion since I was a kid and for a long time I was involved at things in school, my parents couldn’t ever afford to get me lessons in anything so I just kept going at it in school until the lack of familial support and the ridicule of my peers kind of made me break. I always wanted to move to LA as a kid because that is where I always heard about a lively music scene filled with gigs and a lucky couple of people getting signed but it never happened. I quit music for a long time, for years I didn’t sing, I didn’t try to pick up an instrument; however, it was during this time that I began to write. I think those long years where I kept the music out of my life were filled with a sadness caused by a deep regret that I was too young to be having. I didn’t start up with music again until my junior year of high school and the shift was slow but I eventually began again. By the time I reached CC I really thought I was going to go for the music at university but I let “life” get in the way. I did manage to take one guitar course, one piano course, and a year of a vocal course, but there was so much more I wanted to do in music but I never allowed myself because once I saw I could get a 4.0 I was determined to keep it. I buried myself in school to try and forget or let go of my passion for music because I felt it was unfeasible. I didn’t have the money or the talent to take it anywhere. Fast forward to now and for some reason, I feel like university is almost like my last shot at the music thing, even if all I do is take out the trash at a record label or fill up someones coffee at a radio station - I feel like, if I don’t give this music thing a go now, it might be too late afterward. Music, it really is everything. I know it’s cliche to say, but what other word can I use to encapsulate the passion I feel for it? It is everything. And I suppose UCLA, being in LA, represents my last chance to give it a go and not grow old with the regret that I never gave music a try. I’ve been living with that regret for a long time.</p>
<p>The problem with UCLA is, would I be going there for the right reasons? Would I really get involved in music? Would I get my dreams completely crushed and decimated? If I go to LA am I sacrificing a more stable future? Would I mesh at all? How would I live so far away from home? And, if I go to LA - how could I walk away from Cal? People dream of going to Cal there entire lives and I took that spot from someone who really wanted to go. How could I do that and then throw it away?</p>
<p>Cal, where to start with Cal? I was skeptical of even applying. I think I just did it to see if I could get in. Then I went to the campus and my goodness it is a beautiful place. The architecture and the views from the bay, it is magnificent. They only accept about 20% of people and I am one of them. It is incredible. Cal represents a part of me that is much more intellectual. I like school, I like to be challenged, I like to learn and grow. I think that could happen for me at Cal in a way that has never been possible before. If I ever wanted to get a job overseas, which is something I might consider, I can put a university that will be recognized on my resume. Cal has great staff and they have a library just for anthropology students! I’m also a bit of a museum junkie so the fact that they have an anthropology museum, a museum of vertebrate zoology, a museum of paleontology and a botanical garden! It is pretty flippin’ awesome. From my understanding, if I go to Cal I will have a decent amount of opportunities to just go out and be in nature for a little while (Yosemite anyone?) which is something I am pretty sure I will not be able to get out in LA. I know it sounds corny but nature, being in a “natural” environment, is important to me and my peace of mind. Cal is also super close to SF and I have always wanted to get to know and explore the SF area because of how unique it is. I like Nor Cal, I grew up in Nor Cal. I like the vibes up here. I like that I am close enough to home that if I need something I can go back but not so close that I would be expected back every weekend, I feel like it gives me a great balance. Going to Cal would make me more confident when applying to Stanford to get my M.A. in environmental anthropology. I also feel like the people I would met at Cal (or in the general Berkeley area) would be people I could vibe well with. Cal gives great opportunities found in urban environments without the overwhelming city feel. I think I could see myself living in Cal or the greater bay area for a while after graduation, I don’t think I could see myself (permanently) living in LA. Cal appeals to the person who I have grown into these past couple of years. (*bonus: I saw a ton of cute guys working at the science museums when I went to Cal, not a big factor, but I’m trying to make the rant more lighthearted).</p>
<p>The problem with Cal is, would I forever hate myself for not going after my dream? I often question if I even want to go to grad school, or get a degree, or if I want a “job,” I feel like I would advance in that direction if I went to Cal. Would I be consumed by the pressure to live up to the standards of the incredibly intelligent student body? Could I compete? </p>
<p>How do I decide which part of me is more important?</p>