I’d try to convince him to apply now and defer if he’d like to do a gap year. He would have time to change his mind. But if he is convinced that is a good idea, I would honor that. I’d consider paring the list down more too if that might help convince him. If you have the finances, he really doesn’t need to apply to so many schools. Love thy safety. Pick 2-3 matches and 2-3 reaches and call it a day. You could evaluate which ones require the least extra hoop jumping if he doesn’t have clear favorites. That might be a decent compromise. If he really is just one of those kid that tests great and doesn’t work hard and that will be a new skill to build, getting into the most rigorous, competitive program might not be the best fit either. I’m sure anything on his list is great.
If he really doesn’t want to apply and won’t? Well, I don’t know how you force a young adult. They have to want it and own it.
ps essays are not the be all end all that people say they are, at least from what I have read and know, so he can relax on that. One of mine got into a top school writing about blueberry muffins. Colleges know that most are heavily coached. (All three of mine used photo albums to give them ideas, looking over their childhoods so to speak. People don’t have the old-fashioned albums anymore but you get the picture.)
@thumper1 He has a good mixture of reaches, matches and a couple safeties. Of course it is the “what if he doesn’t get in anywhere” fear that has made his list so big. He’s interested in Vanderbilt, CMU, MIT, UIUC, Northwestern, Northeastern, PITT, WashU, GT to name a few. We’ve actually cut it down from over 20!
Exactly, it’s all we seen to talk about and we were JUST about to loosen the reigns a little and give him time and space to work on the rest needed to submit some EA/ED and he threw this out there. And I think he’d be miserable another year at home and maybe he will come around and see that. He’s SO ready, but he’s so focused on the work involved. We’ll be chatting more tonight.
This is is so true. It’s the work of the applications. And a gap year just to avoide applications isn’t smart. So, we’ll all brainstorm about the options - maybe cutting down on the EA/ED (if he still even wants to do the ED school as early) schools and making it more manageable. Then seeing what happens and he can decide once he maybe has some choices if he wants to defer. Stress is a new thing for him!
Thanks everyone for your input! I really appreciate it. It’s made me calm down a bit.
Flashback 2007 - DD in the last week says she wants to apply to Columbia (I think it was Columbia… or some other school that had never been on her radar). Eventually we figured out it was because she wanted to add a no-essay school. In Methinks it was Senior Panic.
In this case, perhaps you (or another helper) could help him prioritize the early essay needs… than design a way to reuse topics (even if word length different - DS adapted a few for other schools, easier than starting from scratch).
Note - Wing It kids can get overwhelmed at colleges that are too intense. Don’t be afraid to include some schools that will give big scholarships and perhaps have slightly less competitive academics than the tippy top schools.
Senior year was the easiest for my kid, which made me feel slightly guilty. As NMF, he first applied to 2 Honors Colleges with merit money as safeties and to get his confidence up, and then he spent 75% of his college application preparation time for his super reach school Stanford REA application and essays; and after submitting that, he recycled Stanford essays for one UC application for several UCs.
My advice: apply to one Honors College first as a safety and to get confidence up. Then pare down college list to 5.
He somehow got accepted by Stanford and took a gap year when a great opportunity became available. I spent way too much time dreaming about our kid attending Honors College over UCLA/Berkeley (I was pleasantly surprised by UCLA visit but not that much by Berkeley visit).
Get your applications in and make the decision in the spring. A lot can change between now and then. This is a stressful time and there is no need to overthink it. One thing at a time. Even if he defers for a Gap year, the applications still have to be done now.
Applications make leaving home real. It’s huge. I would not discount the emotional drag on doing them for that reason as well.
Burnout is a pretty negative thing in senior year and can affect decisions that affect your whole life (I know from personal experience!). It is not worth it to do so many applications if burnout is the result.
Focus should still also be on school life and having a great senior year.
I agree with the poster who suggested a public in-state honors college first, for safety.
Has he visited schools? If he got into all of them, which would be the top contenders?
The alternative to reducing schools is, as I said, to reduce the stress of the essays, by putting them in perspective (not as important as people think) or maybe hiring someone to sit with him so to speak.
I have tutored some kids who wrote terrible essays (I don’t mess with them too much since I do “non-directive tutoring”) but still got into their top choices. Honest.
Seriously, the first application is the hardest. You can recycle most of the essays. My oldest son’s “Why — College?” were just variations on “You have a great CS program.”
My younger son had come up with a winning formula when he started of his “Why U of Chicago” essay with all the reasons he had originally thought it was a bad suggestion from his parents.
@compmom - Thanks! We’ve given him some space over the past couple days to let him come down from the frustration of us being on him. He’s actually made a little progress on some of his EA essays, which we were ready to just have him forget and do RD. We still haven’t had a discussion about the gap year, so maybe his being less frustrated now is why. He hasn’t wanted to talk about it as of last night, so that’s fine. But I got texts today he finished the EA essay. Ha- maybe he’s realizing he doesn’t want to hang around home for another year. Lol.
He has visited most of the schools he is applying to. He has been planning to apply to the in-state public university, but his intended major (CS) is still a tough one to get into, so it’s hard to bank on that. We’ll be checking in with him if he still wants to do the ED one as ED (which obviously he wants to go to if he gets in). Pretty much all 3-4 of his top contenders he would be happy to go to and we’ve visited them all.
He has done a good job of determining the overlap in many of his supplemental essays, so that will hopefully cut down on the work involved. He can recycle them by changing some content. He has been working with someone outside of his HS guidance counselor on these and that has helped (and taken us out of the picture of being on him so much and to set some timelines). That’s nice to hear about the essays. Of course, he’s saved the most stressful thing for last, but that’s probably how most end up doing it.
I think you’re right. His common app personal statement seems just about done. Everything else in the CA is complete…just waiting on the tweaking of the personal statement. And I just got a text that he finished his soonest EA deadline school’s supplemental essays. So, hopefully the ball is rolling now that the first one is done, but the application still needs to be submitted. I think laying off him a little bit over the past 1-2 days has helped. He has worked on a few of the “Why Us?” essays and tailored them much like your son did (also CS). I think now that he’s feeling a little success getting the initial stuff done, hopefully the rest will come a little more easily.
My impression is that your son is overwhelmed by the thought of having to apply to 12 schools. Consider cutting the list down to 5 schools as suggested by another poster in this thread.
For one intending to major in CS, the University of Washington in Seattle may be of interest.
Thank you @Publisher! We’ve been working on trimming his list down. Some of those 12 don’t have much supplemental work, but a lot do. We’ve got quite a list of good CS schools. We’ve had to draw the line somewhere though and he’s probably not going to apply anywhere on the west coast or PNW. He didn’t want to go that far anyway, even though we have family on the OR coast. It’s been hard enough trimming the list down from 20 or so schools. Lol. I do see some reaches he can cut out, since his list seems a little top heavy, but until lately, he didn’t want to remove them. Now that he’s feeling the fire, maybe he will. I’m guessing he will focus on some of these schools he wants to apply EA/one ED and if he has any steam left, he will apply to some RD and/or ones that don’t require much supplmental material/essays. The ones he has wanted to cut out were matches or safeties and I think those are some of the most important to keep on there due to the “what if he doesn’t get in” fear. Even for perfect score kids, lots of schools on his list are still reaches! For now, we’ve taken a break on discussing his list since he was quite sick of this being the focus of all of our conversations.
Did I miss it…or are finances not a consideration at all? If they are, getting applications in to meet merit award consideration deadlines should happen.
He has to be excited about the schools to which he applies or the applications may never be completed. Even narrowing the list to his top two choices should accomplish a lot as his essays will be done & he will have overcome the psychological barriers causing him stress. While not an ideal solution, it is better than inaction.
The senior application season is really tough. My sweet S19 turned into a really-not-so-sweet S for 6-months. H and I had secret hand signals to warn each other to steer clear of the foul-tempered senior on the bad days. I will also confess that I was not on my best behavior either and S19 (as did D16) complained that I was being a nag. I was trying so hard to be good. Really was. And I’m sure S19 was also trying his best. It’s a stressful process for all involved.
No finances aren’t really a consideration. We’re prepared if he ends up going the route of some of his top choices that don’t even have merit awards (and we won’t qualify for anything need-based). He’s got a chance at some good merit award at the others, but likely won’t come down to that as a deciding factor. It would be more of a bonus if that’s how things pan out. That said, we’d like him to get what he can in by 11/1 just so he doesn’t miss that opportunity. But that brings us back to the stress level we are dealing with. However, I think once he gets those first couple apps in, the ball will be rolling and the rest should be a little less stressful.
But him not wanting to talk about any of this (we were anticipating he would have wanted to talk about the gap year possibility) over the past day or so might show he’s plugging along and feeling better now that we’re off his back. I hope!
If you’re supporting him during his gap year, it’s more than fair to know exactly what he wants to do. If it’s a Christian ministry or charitable work, then GREAT! If he wants to play video games or tour Europe, then no. If he wants the benefits of being an adult, he has to assume the responsibilities too. If he doesn’t like that, college is a reasonable way to transition kids into adults while gaining valuable job skills.
I didn’t read through all the replies. Sounds like a great kid with great stats. When I was growing up if I had wanted to take a gap year my Dad would have put me to work on the construction site with him. My wife who I went to college with had a job lined up to start about 5-6 weeks after graduation came home and her folks(my now in-laws) were like so are going to work while waiting for your real job to start.
My kids know the routine. You either play sports/activity or you work and if you can get more hours then you work them. I got my 14 year old “working” at what we hope is her HS job. She currently getting paid in store credit.
No sitting around the house trying to find yourself. I can go into their bedroom and say there I found you now go to college or go to work.
My son is really stressed and he just had 5 easy applications and some scholarship apps. But, things are changing with him a lot and quickly. A few weeks ago he was totally not engaged with the process and seemed uninterested in any school and just recently got all gung-ho about a school he didn’t seem to care about at all before. I am fully anticipating he’s going to bounce all over the place the next 6 months. The stress of applications will be gone and friends will start talking about where they’re going and such.
I guess I would just make sure he got his apps done for next year. Does he need to do 12? That seems like so many. Or is that something he wants to do?
