He has already brought the list down from about 20. And up until this latest “gap year talk,” he really saw no way to get below the 12. But when he’s up for going through this again (we’re just giving him a little break in constantly focusing on this), we are going to see if we can re-strategize the list. Perhaps decrease the number he was planning to do EA (one ED). That may alleviate some stress, since about half were going to be early originally. Of course, for most schools, that gives him the best chance though. And our plan would be for him to get apps in this year so he could just defer if that ends up being his decision.
Assuming his GPA is similarly strong, he would be a strong applicant for RD as well. Really…he has top scores. How much of an “edge” do you think applying ED will provide?
If he has a top choice school…then sure, go for it. But if not, I can’t see why RD wouldn’t be a viable option.
Sounds like he is becoming unstuck at this point…The gap year idea sounded like a stress reliever and now he may not need it 
@dreambig55, itt would be hard for us as armchair observers to understand yourson’s motivation. But, if he is overwhelmed or even if he is confronting the first really challenging task of his HS career, as someone said, there is nothing wrong with a gap year. Moreover, students typically gain a bit of maturity from the year.
ShawSon was a way smarter than top of the high school class kid but was really tired due to severe dyslexia and a medical problem. He did not apply to college (or take SAT/ACTs) until the fall of his gap year. In part because we did not know how schools would respond to his learning disabilities, he applied to I think 15 schools.
In addition to his surgery and his apps, he did a number of interesting things. The guidance counselors and teachers were happy to do the recommendations (he asked early). The Superintendent of his School District even wrote one.
I did not perceive any problem from waiting. He got into very good schools. When the head of admissions welcomed the new freshman class, she (?) described what an interesting class and mentioned the backgrounds of several members of class and described ShawSon including a number of the activities from his gap year.
And, I think ShawSon’s maturity was evident in his freshman year – great grades (I think 3 A+s, 4 As and an A-), joined challenging extracurricular activities, and made friends.
Waiting a year to start college also did not hurt him in any way that I can see.
Of course there’s a way to get it below 12, but if he really won’t, then have him rank the schools and go one app at a time.
I would tell him he could take a gap year if:
- What would he do during the gap year? Gap years should be moving toward a goal, not running away from something.
- He needs to apply and be accepted to a college
Maybe it’s his way of saying back off? Make sure he applies to a few with a safety and then back off. At some point kids have to learn lessons the hard way. I’m going through it now. I think we’ve made it too hard. Apply to 5 schools and be done. You can only go to one.
Gap years are for doing something phenomenal like a mission or research or to earn money. They’re not for hiding. I doubt he wants to hide but talk it through and make sure.
I don’t think you have to do something phenomenal. I’ve known plenty of people who were au pairs or did language study. There is a lot to be said for improving a foreign language before you get to college so you can actually use it for research and course work. Thanks to my gap year I ended up speaking fluent French and then studied German in college. I did my senior research research on low-cost housing in London, Paris and Berlin. I got a grant from the college to do the research, but they needed to know I had the ability to do research in both languages.
Ok. Semantics. Maybe phenomenal but definitely something useful or relevant. Learning a language definitely falls into that category as does working, research, or volunteering which was in my post.
My concern would be maturity and effort. It sounds like the OP’s son is very intelligent but hasn’t had to put forth a lot of effort to make good grades. Depending on major and school he’ll need to up his game. Is he ready? Sure there’s exceptions. My roommate was an EE major with a 4.0 and never went to class. Just took tests. All 4 years. Everyone else had to go to class, study, and manage time well.
My son, who never in 4 years missed a homework deadline without any parental involvement, procrastinated and stressed over college essays so much I had to literally sit with him on the couch the whole time he was writing them. It’s a stressful time, and you might need to be involved more. Maybe he’s having second thought about top-tier colleges because he realized he’ll have to work hard? It might be helpful if he gets accepted early into 1-2 of his safeties so he knows he is going to college somewhere, and then it’s his call if he’d like to expend more effort to get into a better school.
Both my sons (one a math/cs guy) had 10-12 schools on the list. They did apps for the EAs and flagship (11/1 deadline for merit) and did the CA in that process, and then waited for December results.
Both dropped several schools after getting great EA results. All that was left in December were a few short essays. Not too bad, and they felt at that point they had options that they were happy with.
S1 wound up with 7 completed apps, and S2 had 8.
Senior year can really mess with one’s head. Don’t helicopter, but pay attention to burnout/depression/overload. BTDT
Both my kids applied to college during senior year, were accepted, and then asked to defer one year for a gap year. I would not have allowed them to take gap year without applying senior year first and having acceptance in hand. But the gap years were THE BEST. Gap years can range from costing negative money (work in a paid job), to cost neutral to costing a little to costing a lot. I think some people assume they have to cost a lot; that’s not true.
I’ve seen kids do a range of things from hiking the Appalachian Trail or another major nature/outdoorsy year, to internships, to studying and exploring foreign cultures through travel and language immersion, to taking classes that are different from college classes, to exploring arts, doing major community service projects, volunteering on political campaigns, etc. They all seem to be very meaningful, unique opportunities to do things that are difficult to do during college or post-college.
My kids spent their time primarily overseas doing a range of things (some conservation based work, some language immersion study, etc), but had extra time with an extended summer to save up money from their jobs.
Like yours, mine were hard workers in high school, and did very well. The ivy they both attend encourages gap years for students they accept (i do not know if they also look favorably upon applications from students who do not apply during senior year, take a year off, then apply. Maybe/maybe not?). If their school had not given them permission, they would have gone straight to school, and would have been perfectly fine. But these gap years have been amazing, and I’m so grateful they had them. There is a bit of a hamster wheel with the intensity of high school and going into a very intense college situation. I think learning about yourself as a non-student is valuable. What you can learn about people through travel is priceless. While they were ready for college straight after senior year and no doubt would have thrived going directly, I do see an added layer of maturity and independence that I think helped them get even more out of their freshman years. And I also don’t object to the fact that they also managed to have a lot of fun during gap year! They have priceless stories to tell 
So I wouldn’t discourage the gap year concept, but I absolutely would discourage it if it’s just a way to run away from the overwhelming applications. Application season can be tough, but it’s just a few more weeks and he’s done! He’s in mile 23-24 of the marathon…he can do it!
Thank you for all of the input, everyone! I thought I’d give a little update now that some time has passed and my husband and I have calmed down from the shock of our S20 not quite heading down the exact path we always anticipated for him. It’s been an interesting 1-2 weeks in our house, that’s for sure. Again, he’s a very bright kid who has never really liked the “institution” of school. He thinks it’s silly for him to be learning a bunch of things that he doesn’t feel are relevant to him. That’s why I thought he would be excited about college and being able to delve into more of what interests him. But it’s turning out he’s not that excited about college like we thought he would be, even though he knows what he wants to do. He’s always done exceptionally well without having to work a ton for it and perhaps this thought scares him because of the knowledge this will be changing in college!!
We have had some good discussions with him since my original post about taking a gap year. We’ve realized having some time off before going to college is what he likely needs, not only for his mental health and the burnout he seems to be experiencing, but also to gear him up for the hard work ahead of him. We’ve come to terms that this is actually a great idea and many of those top-tier schools actually encourage it, like @EmptyNestSoon2 (and others?) mentioned above. His current paid internship (as a HS senior, which is awesome!) would likely be interested in keeping him on which is great, so he will probably do that for much of the gap year and possibly do some travel and find another type of internship. He had already booked a big post-graduation trip, but he’s hoping to experience another part of the country down the road. I love what you said, @EmptyNestSoon2 about what he will learn about himself is so valuable. So true! I guess my main fear is that somehow he may decide NOT to go to college after the gap year, so hopefully that won’t happen.
At first we thought his main reason for this was just to put off college applications. But he has submitted a handful early and will complete all of them and see where he gets accepted. We’ve tried to lay off him some while he works his way through the process and this has, in turn, made him more open to accepting some guidance, so that’s been good. He was fine with the expectation that he would get his apps in and then request deferred enrollment, assuming this is something he still wants to do when the time comes. It seems that most schools are flexible with this and hopefully his reasons will be “good enough” to make that request.
This has been a particularly stressful past month because of SO MUCH happening all at once, but he has checked lots of items off of that to-do list (submitted his National Honor Society application and was accepted, submitting his National Merit Semifinalist application, re-taking the SAT II Physics Test (and getting much better - went from a 690 to 780 because he actually prepared for it!) and applying early to 7 schools (so far), one of which he was accepted to (a safety), so at least he has the satisfaction of getting one acceptance. He’s made some great progress on supplemental essays and is about to finalize the ones needed for his ED school. So, there’s been lots of progress over the past week or so, most of which is my husband and I coming around to the idea of a gap year. We see that he could really benefit from it and when else would he be able to do something like this?!
Thanks again for all the input! I loved all the comments, even though I didn’t have a chance to reply to most of them.
Sounds like great progress! Please keep us posted.
I cannot believe I am revealing this, but… my DD decided to follow her then boyfriend to a college , because in my opinion, she did not want to compete with all the students within her major for the schools with the best programs. I tried reasoning and she fought anything my husband and I said on the subject. Friends of mine would lecture me on the fact that this type of pursuit rarely works out (believe me - I knew this) and the relationship should not be the deciding factor. Anyway - she got on the waitlist for her major at this school and went anyway.
She and boyfriend broke up several times during the year, she really wasn’t thriving, but made one hell of a good GPA and came home from school after the first year totally determined to do all things necessary to get into a good school for her major. She spent the summer and fall busting it to submit and audition for 8 schools. During her time back home, she was a different person. Totally driven. She got accepted by ALL of them and is one her way to graduating from a phenomenal college with excellent grades.
She surprised us by totally taking the bull by the horns and making it happen.
I think your son is making a colossally bad decision.
If there’s a real purpose to the Gap year, like committing to a non-profit organization to build characters or find out what he what to do, then yes, it make sense. But that doesn’t apply to your son, who seems to know what he going to do. Judging from your post, it sounds like its more about burnout and maybe a sense of adventure/travel.
Here’s the reality, after he get his acceptance level, the stress level and burnout drops to zero, or close to zero. He will have a minimum of three unencumbered months for travel, chasing skirts, and relaxing. You really don’t need more than that. If he does, please realize that the second half of his senior year, i.e. after he gets accepted, is going to be mostly fun with some homework throw in. Also, the first half of the college semester, I will say until Thanksgiving break, is mostly fun and debauchery. Your son doesn’t need time to unwind, he will have plenty. College is absolutely fun, more so than a Gap year. Your son will be bored after a couple of months and regret not joining his classmates come winter.
^I disagree. I think gap years can be incredibly helpful. My son grew up SO much during his gap year. He took volunteer trips to Jordan and Lebanon and discovered that he likes relief work.
He has commented that he felt much more mature than his 18-year-old classmates during his freshman year. He has made Dean’s list almost every semester. I really don’t think that would have been the case if he had gone straight to college after high school.
Good behavior- name 1 college with a decent academic reputation where you can coast on debauchery until Thanksgiving and not get asked to leave by the end of the semester? I don’t know a single one.
Yes- our local, non-flagship, open admission public U. Possible to spend half the semester having fun and then catch up during December. But anywhere else?
Citations please.
You mentioned that your son would not have made it to the dean list, suggesting a maturity period due to the gap year. But you have to wonder, if he could have done so in the 3 months prior to the start of the school. Did he really need 12 months? Could he have not done all his relief work in those 3 months? What happened in other months when he wasn’t doing any relief work, how did those month contributed to his maturation? If I have to guess, those non-relief months probably didn’t do much. I think your son’s maturation is due to the relief work and travel, not the gap year.
I don’t think it’s as cut and dry as you make it to be. In fact, lots of college kids mature significantly over the summer. The first summer off after freshmen year, for example,. You will notice a noticeable change as they enter their sophomore year. You don’t need 12 months.
OP’s son sounded different from your son. The OP son is set on what he wants and from what was described, he was simply looking for a break. Like I mentioned, 3 months is more than sufficient. A gap year should not be reserved to take a break.
Citations not needed. The first semester is pretty straightforward with lots of general studies classes (with the possible exception of pre-Med or Cornell). Your first midterm example doesn’t occur typically until November. So it’s a relative relax period until then. You will have way, way more time compared to your high school days. I don’t mean to imply that you’re not doing any work, but the work load for the first couple of months is a cake walk compared to the hours and rigors of high school.
Harvey Mudd a cake walk freshman year? MIT? Johns Hopkins? U Chicago?
Please.