@goodbehavior - My engineering daughter, at a public flagship, jumped right in with challenging classes, including her design course which met 9 hours/week in class AND an additional 20+/week with her work group. That was on top of her 4 other courses.
Her first round of exams was 4 weeks after class began at the end of September.
There was no “cake walk” period.
Harvard, Yale, Tufts, BU, BC … maybe my response should be to more liberal arts program
Ask your daugther, which was more time consuming and more stressful. Her first semester in college or high school?
If she answer first semester, then she’s a rare bird.
@goodbehavior - First semester in college was way, way more time consuming and stressful for my D than high school. Not even close. All of her friends would agree.
I’m guessing you were/are not an engineering or STEM major?
(And, her HS was a private college prep school and no joke either, but still not even close…)
My son (IR major at Tufts) was working so hard we only saw him for dinner Parent’s weekend. One course had 400 pages of reading a week.
I think a lot of kids really do just need to mature and even working at MacDonalds gives them a useful perspective on the world. I have never met anyone who regretted their gap experiences, including me and my two brothers. And BTW gap years are very much the norm in Europe.
While in HS the class hours may be longer ( e.g.8-3 daily), the amount of out-of class work (reading, paper writing, etc) is much more intense in college. For many, HS has lots of quizzes, HW assignments, teachers remind them of due dates, and tests/quizzes may be more of regurgitating what they learned/memorized.
In college the reading assignments are much more intensive, the mid term/final tests are a large part of the grade (and no “extra credit” opportunities to clean up messes and bring grades up), students have to be much more efficient with time management, and tests /papers are typically an opportunity to take the learned material and formulate thoughts/ideas/ theories/explanations given the learned materials. Its an opportunity to express ones thoughts/ideas utilizing the knowledge and research, not just spitting back what they learned.
If freshmen have been playing too much and not studying, they often crash and burn at Thanksgiving or between Thanksgiving and their finals. Not enough time to catch up and no earlier quizzes/HW assignments to lean on to boost a bad exam grade.
Probably, STEM vs liberal arts. I can’t imagine any liberal arts freshmen thinking its tougher than high school. Your daughter jumped right into the pool, that’s probably why. Some kid ease into the load, and some don’t.
Tufts econ major do not have the same problem as your son. I am not sure what classes he signed up for, but the majority of Tufts kids are definitely not in his predicament. In fact, lots of local kids go home and see the parents. Like I said before, I dont think the work load and stress in the first couple of months are hard. The only caveat is pre-med, Cornell, MIT, and I supposed engineering (don’t know enough frankly).
Vast, vast majority of kids do not take gap years and they are fine. The OP’s son doesn’t have maturity issue, already knows what he wants to do, it sounds like he just want to take some time off. A break. He will have a 3 month break, not to mention all that time in high school after he gets his admittance letter. Let’s be honest, kids absolutely slack off after their admittance letters. OP’s parenting spider sense notice something, and they should go with their instincts on this one.
I majored in Classics and it was MONSTROUSLY harder AND more time consuming than HS.
Me thinks you don’t know what you are talking about.
My DS2 took a gap year after he had secured a spot and committed to the school of his choice. The gap year decision was in the making in his junior year in high school. The reason was quite simple: his “dual life” (his expression) as a student and as a violinist basically left him with no time to pursue his other interests. He wanted to take a gap year to pursue these to his heart’s content. I was perfectly okay with his decision and plans.
The college that he was committed to happened to be highly encouraging of gap year. In fact, the college even offers all expenses paid for trips abroad for incoming freshmen to encourage them to take the opportunity. My son didn’t apply for this program because his reasons for taking a gap year were to fulfill his personal needs at home, not a trip abroad.
The only thing that the college asked him to do was to submit a paragraph or two about what he did during his gap year via email. That was it, no questions asked, no requirements, or whatever.
One issue that we had to deal with was that we were a FA dependent family. My DS1 was a sophomore in college at the time, and for my DS2 to take a gap year would widen their simultaneous college years. So, we asked our DS2 whether he’d like to also take a gap year. To our surprise, he liked the idea.
I haven’t read through the whole thread, so I don’t know what the OP’s “sibling” situation is, but this is something to plan for if there are other college age siblings at home.
Many private colleges are now encouraging gap year for reasons that it allows students greater maturity and prepares them for the college life better. This in turn improves their graduation rate while dealing less with problems and issues on campus.
I’m, on the other hand, very much opposed to the idea of taking a gap year before securing the admission unless there are very strong and compelling reasons to do so. Perhaps the OP could negotiate with the son that he can take a gap year but only after the admission’s been secured.
After my DS2’s freshman year, he called me one day to thank me and to tell me what a great decision it was to take a gap year. He was refreshed, re-energized, more mature, and ready to take on the rigors of academic challenges. His freshman year as a music major and on pre-med track was quite successful, and he’s doing very well in his current sophomore year.
Lets be honest? Ok, lets. Kids need to keep their senior (HS) grades up or risk having their acceptances rescinded. And many kids don’t have final college choices until spring, so have to work pretty consistently during their senior year.
There are huge individual differences in how well kids can manage their college academics, whether they be STEM LA majors. Many students do find a gap year helpful. for many reasons. And students do employ differing skill sets when they are on their own and have to manage their time, their funds, adjust socially and emotionally to college. College is no cakewalk.
Then you understand the important of not generalizing based on one experience or a handful of examples. Because the experience you’re expressing contradicts the common experience. The first two months of colleges are generally less stressful and time consuming than high school. A typical high school kid has very little social time. Wake up at 7:30, school until 3:00, extracurricular activity for a couple of hours, boatload of homeworks until Dinner. Rinse and repeat.
Walk around your college dormitory, and how many people are like that? How many people are sleeping just 6 hours? How many people have close to zero social life? Are you going to tell me college freshmen are a bunch of zombies?
Pursuing another interest is a good reason for taking a gap year. Judging from the OP post, their son just wanted to take a break. If you use your gap year in a productive manner, I don’t see a fault in this. But if you’re using it to work at MacDonald as one poster was talking about, I don’t see the merit of it.
Moderator’s Note:
Just a reminder that CC is not a debate society. State your opinion and move on. Let’s continue to be civil.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to “just take a break” for whatever the personal reasons. If there had to be “good reasons” for taking a gap year, my DS2’s college would have demanded certain requirements. Sometimes, it’s good to sleep for the whole year. Why not? Perhaps that’s the most “productive” thing a person could do at that particular time in life.
What’s wrong with working at MacDonald’s? It teaches kid to be responsible, manage one’s time, learn to value hard-earned money, learn to be a co-worker, an opportunity to mature as a young adult, etc. I wish my DS2 had taken his gap opportunity to work at MacDonald’s.
@GoodBehavior FWIW both of my kids found freshman year very challenging. My D was a STEM major and with two hard science classes with labs and advanced calculus it was hardly a cakewalk. My S was at a Jesuit college – he had never taken theology and philosophy in our public school and found those courses to be particularly challenging. For both S and D their first year was their lowest GPA – that may be in part due to the new demands of college life but it is interesting that they both did better and better once they became immersed in upper level classes in their major (which were areas of academic strength for them both).
Hopefully we can agree that not everyone’s college expereince is the same and each individual should do what works best for him/her. In general I’m not a lover of gap years – but for some people I have seen a productive gap year make a positive difference. IMO there is no one right or wrong answer – it is a matter of finding out what is best for a particular individual. Certainly it is a plus that the OP’s son will apply to colleges this year and then ask for a deferral. It appears to me that the OP is working with her S in an intelligent, thoughtful manner and I wish them the best whatever road they choose.
Anyway, we digress and I believe that we are entering debate territory which is forbidden on CC.
@GoodBehavior - OP here…I don’t anticipate my S20’s first semester (much less 2nd semester of his senior year) being a cake walk based on the top-tier schools he is applying to, as well as his CS major. He will likely receive many AP credits that will hopefully help him satisfy those types of gen ed classes. I would expect him (or at least hope for him) to have some balance between classes and social stuff, but reality is, he will likely be working harder than he has had to before. His last semester of HS will continue to have AP Chem, AP Physics C, AP French and AP Stats. I don’t see him relaxing and taking a break 2nd semester senior year with a little homework thrown in. Lol.
He is lucky enough to have a 20 hr/week internship this semester and between that and his 5-10 hr/week PT job he’s had for a year, he is definitely a busy kid. He loves working and is looking into continuing to work at his internship (although with decreased hours since he won’t be leaving the school 2 class periods early during 2nd semester) next semester and possibly for the next year if he does take the gap year. This will enable him to have the opportunity to get involved with even more programming and computer science-related tasks at his company. Beyond that, he hopes to explore other internship opportunites that will bring him more experience to perhaps narrow down what within computer science interests him the most. Who knows, he may find areas that he would want to explore once he starts college - whether with research opportunites, co-ops or internships. This may help him narrow down what direction he wants to follow within his field. It is expected that if he defers for a year, he will need to have an internship or two lined up. And he will likely continue to work his other PT job.
So despite our initial freak-out about the gap year, in the research I’ve done, I definitely have found that many schools look favorably upon it, whether it’s to do charity work, explore, mature, work, explore internsips or have a break to gear up to jump in feet first to college. And knowing my son, he is one of the kids who will be more motivated and refreshed. It’s definitely taken some getting used to, but I think he will be in a better place mentally and I have no doubt he will gain a lot during that year. I won’t lie, if he changes his mind and decides to start in fall 2020 after all, that’s ok too. Who knows if where he gets in will sway him one way or the other. He’s already got one acceptance, but the big ones will come mid-December.
@GoodBehavior You seem to be confused about the term “Liberal Arts”. The Liberal Arts include mathematics and all of the “natural sciences”, i.e., biology, chemistry, and physics. Those are the S and M from STEM. So referring to “Liberal Arts” as separate from STEM not only ignores this, but ignores the fact that Liberal Arts Colleges are major schools for kids who are interested in majoring in math and the natural sciences. You seem to be conflating “Liberal Arts” with “The Humanities”.
Somehow you seem to be under the impression that Liberal Arts Colleges are full of kids learning easy courses, flitting from one non-rigorous class to the next. You also seem to think that classes in Humanities, like English composition, a common first year course, are easy.
Besides, as has been discussed multiple times on CC, the biggest “feeder” colleges to PhD programs are Liberal Arts Colleges. Of the top 50 feeder schools, 30 are Liberal Arts Colleges. The kids who go on to do PhDs are usually the kids that are serious students from day 1. One rarely goes on to do a PhD unless one loves the academic world and is a serious student. One does not go on to do a PhD unless one has attended a colleges which is serious about teaching. Yet here you are, claiming that the schools which have the highest rate of kids continuing on to doctoral studies are full of easy courses, in which students spend half of their time drinking and carousing.
Moreover, more than half of these LACs are colleges which are not considered “elite” by the majority of people who care about such things, such as Reed College, which is #4 in producing students who go on to PhD., only surpassed by CalTech, Harvey Mudd (also a LAC), and MIT. Others include Kalamazoo College, Beloit, Washington College, Earlham, and Hendrix.
@TiggerDad - yes, this is exactly what has helped us in coming to terms with his desire for a gap year, thank you! Our son is in the middle of getting his applications in, with the expectation that he will defer enrollment after he figures out where he is accepted and where he wants to attend. So, we’re realizing this is more than just burnout from or wanting to avoid the whole application process. He’s gotten a little less than half of his apps in already.
I’m glad to hear your son’s 1st year was good and sophomore year is going great! The reason he thanked you is why I think this plan is a good idea for our high-achieving son. He hasn’t had to put a ton of effort into his rigorous HS years and I think refining what his plans are within his major and entering what will likely be very challenging STEM academics refreshed and ready to tackle a fun and exciting phase in his life will be helpful. That’s my hope for him for sure. 
I think that is a bit of a stretch, to say you would benefit from a gap year during which you are sleeping for a whole year.
I think people are painting an unrealistic rosy picture for a gap year, and implying some monstrous fortress of doom for college. People are interjecting their own bias (my son did it, so it must be “right”), and I pray that OP understands that life isn’t like that all. College is a wonderful period and a time of personal development. But I am not going to explore this topic any further.
I do hope, however, that the OP update us a couple of years now, so that it could be a learning experience for everyone alike and future readers.
As I noted above, for my S20 at least and likely many others, a gap year won’t be a year of sleeping.
College IS a wonderful time and an opportunity for pesonal development. But I also think most of us parents know our kids pretty well to know when a different path should be explored. I have now read about MANY kids who were in a better place after a gap year to take on the rigors of college (whether it’s in a better place financially, mentally, emotionally, etc). If a kid doesn’t take advantage of their gap year and sleeps it all away and doesn’t use the opportunity to grow in different ways, I guess that’s on them. They’re all 18 by that point and you can’t force them to do much. And if you do, that’s where you see the burnout and the dropping out after a year.
I’d be happy to try to provide an update down the road, for sure!