@skycolors527 REALLY, who cares what your peers think or your professor. This is YOUR life. Can you live on campus at UVA Wise? Did you like it when you visited?
It’s ok to have the fear and anxiety of leaving, but honestly, you will like yourself a lot better as an adult if you can face your fears head on and overcome those fears. Otherwise you may have regrets. You have a great opportunity. It’s not forever. Get psyched! It will be ok.
5 Hours really isn’t all that far away. Not only do you have winter/summer/spring breaks, it’s fairly easy to drive home on all the federal holidays too. This would be good for you and a college like UVA could really open doors too. You’ll be fine.
Whether it’s a brain or a muscle, things tend to get stronger by being pushed to their limit. The problem is that things can be pushed too far too fast. So this is just the first of many decisions you will have to make in life where you will be choosing between your comfort zone and a more-challenging path. There is no law that says you must always choose the more-challenging path. But, to fulfill your potential, at some point you will need to take a risk. Only you know if now is the time accept that first big challenge.
I agree with @brantly and @ClassicRockerDad . I’m a bit surprised by the number of people telling you to stay at home. It’s not like you are traveling across the country. You are still relatively (pardon the pun) close to home and family, and UVA is an elite flagship, sort of like Michigan or UC Berkeley.
CRD nails it. Part of maturing and becoming an adult is breaking away from the nest. Luckily, college provides a safe (hopefully) space to do so. It’s sort of like adult life with training wheels. You are an adult, independent, and on your own, yet you are in a very particular space within the real world–the college campus–with a support system in place made up of students, faculty, and staff. Most traditional undergraduates are still dependent on their parents, so they return home for holiday breaks and summer. These four years act as a bridge to the real world, where you will truly be much more on your own.
Don’t get me wrong. The transition to college is tough for everyone. There’s a reason why you see so many students hugging and crying during move-in day. The female students are most often crying, but even though the guys are not, they’re holding back, trying to play it cool; inside, they too are reeling. In time, though, you’ll look back and wonder what the big deal was. This is how life works. At the time, these issues are very real and are very serious, but very soon they appear much smaller. Do understand that some people adapt immediately; for others, it might take a semester or two. You’ll be fine. Take the plunge.
get over your trivial fear, there are many reasonable things to be afraid of. this is NOT one of them
Have to say if your options are UVA and a satellite, try to push yourself to try UVA. With your original post, I was under the impression that you had an equally good local option. As others have said, you are an easy car ride from home. Start following UVA on social media and for sure go to orientation. Remember that nearly everyone is in the same boat with living away from home for the first time. Your feelings aren’t unique and I’m sure you’ll connect with other people who are having the same fears. Good luck to you and congratulations!
@skycolors527 I just want to give you a big hug! You sound just like my D. She does not like change or transitions, and this is a big one! I think everything that you are saying rattles around in her brain at one time or another, and she does not display the excitement of her peers about this transition. But she does accept that it is the right and rational thing for her at this time and she has found a school that meets her needs driving distance from home. She feels good about that.
I think what others have said about UVA being relatively close so as to still be very reachable are true, and you need to remember that as you think about your decision, home is a car ride away, not a flight away. But truly, I think you should seek out the assistance of a good therapist now, before the transition, to help you approach your anxieties in a healthy way and give you tools to deal with them. This approach has been helpful for my D. It doesn’t make them go away, but it does make them manageable which is a big help.
I wish you all the best. It will all work out. You’ve got this. :x
@skycolors527 What types of interests do you have? Perhaps you can browse the list of clubs and organizations on the UVA site and find a club that interests you. Plan to connect with people in that club. Also, you mentioned that you are involved in church. Perhaps your pastor knows the a local pastor near UVA and can connect you with him/her. These types of things can ease the transition.
Also, think of it this way: The fact that it’s your state flagship kind of makes it more of a cocoon than, say, Princeton or Stanford, where students are not originating mostly from one state. At UVA 70 percent of students are from your home state!
Most high school seniors go through a point where they feel anxious/scared to leave but most if not all of them end up enjoying their college experiences.
- You don't have to go away.
- The opportunity at UVA is immense
- Take UVA out of the equation. The opportunity to go away and grow from the experience, regardless of where you go, is life changing. Fortunately, UVA is known to be a welcoming community, not a "pressure cooker". Yes you have to work hard to do well, but it is a social atmosphere. People tend to love it there.
Think of it this way. Going away and growing accomplishes two things. 1. The growth itself (which is important - learning how to deal with new people, in a new environment. Kind of like a reset or 2.0 version of yourself, building on the wonderful qualities you already possess) and, 2. Filing that growth experience away and drawing on it when put in future new situations. That’s called “experience”. It’s quite likely that your future will involve getting out of your comfort zone in some form. Being able to channel that previous experience from college (you’ll have some degree of discomfort followed by tons of comfort) will make conquering new challenges that much easier. That morphs into something called “Confidence”.
It’s hard and scary to deal with things outside your comfort zone. As you grow older, you’ll experience many things that are new and therefore uncomfortable. Learning how to nimbly move through that is an important life skill. One day you look back at all the hurdles you go through and you’ll see you can do anything!
Best of luck.
Not only were you accepted to UVA, you were given a full tuition scholarship. You are extremely lucky to have the option of an affordable world class education only 5 hours from home.
The four year graduation rate at UVA Wise is 23%, overall graduation rate is 44%, freshman retention is 63%.
Please think about the advice others have given you about making the transition to college away from home. Does your family support you going to UVA? Are you a 1st generation student? Try focusing on the things in Charlottesville that will help you transition. Make a pre-emptive appointment with a counselor, put together a list of clubs you are interested in, if you are religious find a place you feel at home worshipping, set a specific time once a week to face-time or call your family and give yourself time to adjust.
@skycolors527 You are not alone in how you feel. Many, if not all kids, have some fear of new situations. Sometimes just typing them out in a forum like this can help. Look at the threads- so many of them asking this college or that? Most realize it’s a big decision and don’t want to regret their choice and this is exactly what you are facing!
Fall semester is pretty short- plus there is parent’s weekend and Thanksgiving. You are done December 18th and home for almost a month. There are all kinds of ways to communicate! I would take the opportunity to go to UVA, but I would give myself the out, that I could leave after a year if I wasn’t happy.
Your best friend is a Junior- flash forward 8 months, when they will get their college acceptances- they get in to UVA, they decide to go, would you feel like you missed out if you don’t go?
Thank you all for the thoughtful responses! I’m thinking a lot about the different points made. @MA2012 most of my friends are in the class below me, so I’m sure it will be fun for a year if I’m home but then who knows where they’ll all go to. I have other, not as close friends, already at the college. UVA Wise doesn’t have a direct transfer program into UVA, but I’m confident I could transfer (that’s never a 100% guarantee though). Many people do stick around my area and commute, so I’d likely always have familiar faces here. I don’t want to stay here my whole life, though. @brantly I guess it’s not so much not seeing them at all, but just knowing life here will continue on and I won’t be apart of it daily. That aspect of the life change I think is more daunting than a lack of communication issue. I’m struggling with that in regards to graduation in general, knowing high school life will trek on without me in it. I have looked into clubs and such a bit, and I found a Christian group on campus. I’ll keep looking for others of my interests, maybe a running club.
I guess I’m going through a sort of separation anxiety just at the thought of going. Just the feeling of being jerked out of my normal life. I’ve always loved coming home after trips, and even when my friends ask me to just stay the night I sometimes say no because I just want to be home (even though home is literally 15 minutes up the road). It’s just that tugging feeling. I turned down a trip to the Grand Canyon with this sort of feeling, which was crazy, but I don’t really regret it just because of how I felt about it… I did that with the beach another time. I’m crazy. I realize this is a much larger scale, both opportunity wise and in regards to time away from home, which is why it feels so serious and I don’t wanna make a 4 year commitment if I could transition into college life. @Mom24boys I am so, so grateful for my opportunity. I don’t want to stand in my own way. My family will miss me but supports me, and I am a first generation student.
@jeneric typing out my feelings has actually helped a lot! Like I mentioned before, I have a few people who pressure me to go, and they honestly don’t take enough time to listen to my feelings before they shut me down… I feel like a gentle, open conversation like this would have been so helpful earlier on. I had a lot of anxiety about other factors, mostly financial, that originally had me persuaded to go to UVA Wise, but I received the scholarship at the beginning of this month so it shifted the thought process to just being what I wanted to do. My parents have helped me sort through some of my feelings, but have left it up to me to choose.
It really is crazy how much writing out my feelings has helped. A pros/cons list didn’t really help me express my feelings on which way, as I’m pretty easygoing about the normal “college fit” stuff. This is a part of the college fit that I’ve needed to address most before deciding. Also, talking this out hasn’t been the best method, either. I’ve had too many factors swirling in my head, and it’s really hard to get all these feelings out in a conversation vs. sitting here typing responses to the points made. Most people will just jump back to “but it’s UVA” or “but UVA -insert amazing stat here-” and just aren’t very understanding or helpful in regards to the emotional aspect of going away to college. I’ve learned individuals do not have all the answers, even my college adviser who is great can not show me all sides, so it’s nice to have multiple views to help me see this from different angles.
You are allowed to not be excited, to not get „psyched“, to be anxious about the transition. Some people are like that, I have a number of them in my family. I do not think that you can really move on with this decision before you have forgiven yourself for feeling anxious and conflicted. You are not alone, and there are more kids anxious and conflicted about moving away than you’d think. A lot of them just pretend. You should stop discussing this with people who either don’t get why you aren’t excited or are pretending to. They don’t need to accept or validate your feelings. But you do have to accept your own.
Then, once you feel it’s okay to feel the way you feel, you can look at what the sensible, wise decision would be. I’d think that’d be hands down UVA, and you probably know that. Give it a year - anyone can stand a year! If you end up being unhappy, you can always transfer back home, say you have tried it and it simply wasn’t for you. I suspect it wouldn’t be so easy the other way around.
Sometimes we do things we know are the right thing to do even though we are scared. It’s part of growing up, being an adult.
@skycolors527 After reading through your posts, it sounds like if UVA was closer you would go. Hopefully, this is an option- can you defer for a year? I know a lot of colleges have support services for 1st Gen students and I bet it’s because they feel like you do. I think over the years, colleges have realized that 1st Gen needs more support and are more likely to leave. Maybe if you took the year off, you would be more prepared?
In the year off, you could get a job and see your town in a different light out of high school. Not being in that daily routine of school, you may see that you don’t feel that you are missing out. You could also work on the separation issue, maybe go spend a weekend with friends who are at UVA and see how much fun it is! In a year a lot of your friends will be leaving to go to school and maybe you will be ready- you might be able to room with one of them.
I don’t know you- but you have mentioned anxiety several times- I have one like you. She has improved over the years, partly because she’s not little anymore, but I see panic when I suggest she go away to a camp for a few weeks! She will go to camp next year- it will be shorter than I would want, but I won’t let her miss out on things I know she wants to do and let the anxiety win. I’ve been told by people who do know what they are talking about, that the best way to get over anxiety is to just do the thing you are anxious about- in your case, if you defer, you are still facing fears, just doing it on a different timetable.
I am only speaking for myself- but if my daughter didn’t hate the school- I would encourage her to go now, because I find with her anxiety, putting things off makes it worse. She has never once said that the pushing was a mistake.
I don’t know if you truly have anxiety, but I thought I’d mention both the option to defer or just pushing yourself to go- because you know yourself better than anyone! The BEST part of all of this, is you have a scholarship to UVA, so if you go and don’t like it- you are not wasting your parent’s money.
@skycolors527 Anxiety, and especially separation anxiety, could be very powerful. It’s great that you discovered that writing about your feelings is helpful.
Here’s a thought I have: When one option is objectively better than another (UVA vs. UVA WISE), I don’t think you should give in to your anxiety. There ARE times when it’s fine to give in to anxiety. Say, if you’re afraid of elevators so you decide to take the stairs. Or if scary movies make you anxious, don’t see them! But when the anxiety prevents you from living up to your potential, prevents you from living your best life … then I think you need to address the anxiety.
I’m thinking you live in a rural area. Do you have access (physical and financial) to good psychotherapists there? A GOOD cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist can help you with this. Google cognitive-behavioral therapy. You’ll see that it is a time-limited, evidence-based set of sessions that has a very high success rate. Much of it focuses on the “what ifs?” For example, what if you go to UVA and you feel anxiety? What will happen? [your answer]. Then what will happen? [your answer]. Then what will happen? Confronting each of those fears. You get the idea.
Also, note that anxiety like this often escalates. Currently you don’t want to leave home to sleep elsewhere or travel or go away to college. Untreated, this can escalate to additional anxieties. For example, not wanting to leave your neighborhood, not wanting to travel in a car other than your own, not wanting to leave your house. These are just examples. I’m not predicting that this WILL happen to you. I’m just saying that untreated anxiety does TEND to escalate.
@jeneric I have considered a gap year, as I have read it’s fairly easy to get permission to defer at UVA. Mom says no, lol, even though I’ve actually thought about it for better reasons than fear/reluctance/not being ready.
@brantly I’ve never been diagnosed with anxiety, but I’ve read about some of my trains of thought/tendencies(?) and I kinda wonder if I have a real problem lol. With homesickness specifically, it’s usually not a problem at all, but sometimes it is like I described. I’m not sure what kind of therapists are nearby. I really am a happy person, I’ve just had a rough senior year with my classes anyway so the application process & decision process has had me stressed to the max (I really didn’t know anything about colleges when I started applying so… this has been a very emotional/stressful process from many angles).
This post really wasn’t about homesickness in particular, either, but just not living life with my family. I don’t fear the adjustment so much as I just don’t want to live separate from them (not for needy reasons, I don’t get into trouble and stuff so I have a lot of freedom for a 17yo. I just really value time with my parents).
I feel better. Like I’m looking at this decision as what I want to do instead of what if this and what if that, and in the “sensible” way that you mention @Tigerle
I know this shouldn’t be a tough decision for me but it is, for more than just fearful reasons. Nervousness is one part but the other part is just a genuine not knowing what I want to do most, where I’ll be happiest, where I’ll thrive best. Financial aspects are still a factor just in regards to what I can do in undergrad experience, not in regards to debt. If I go away, it will be an adjustment to a different culture and school size, and it will be a learning experience in more ways than just coursework. I may love it or I may hate it. I’m gonna refrain from posting my other viewpoints on this thread because I think some things I just have to decide for myself. Despite what others think, both are schools I can be successful in because of who I am as a student and if I use my time wisely. Transferring is an option either way.