ahahaha coming back on here to vent pls don’t take the time to read all this unless you’re just bored out of your mind
so i’m pretty sure most of my stress over my whole decision (a lot of things not inherently related to this thread) and just my college app process in general stems from being a first generation and literally like HOW NICE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN to have had a counselor to help me sort thru all my emotions + navigating college instead of relying on ppl’s biases or being told to do what makes me happiest or the internet (which actually knows a lot of cool stuff and it’s organized, not just ppl throwing their opinions/personal experiences around. 10/10 recommend googling pros and cons for literally anything you question) bc it’s literally April 23rd and i’m coping w/ all these big things about going away to school / will it be worth it since i have a good option close to home +++ coping w going to a school known for preppy ppl and most ppl are richer than me even if they’re not even rich rich . so there’s that extra struggle to fit in socially too when i already don’t party, + wondering if i can afford to do cool stuff like study abroad ? also coping w/ leaving my family like how do people do that :(( it sounds ok in theory but like 
i wanna live life w/ them i never pictured myself just being like peace out y’all . plus i help teach kids at my church so like i’d be leaving them
background info if anyone else could relate in the future: i didn’t know the differences between any colleges when i started applying. i used to cry a bunch bc i had never thought ab it and the whole thing was kinda terrifying so i just kept avoiding thinking about it. i didn’t even decide schools to apply to until like august or september. my focuses were on being close to home & running XC, and i had no idea what it meant to go to a good school. i was pretty clueless about majors and actually learned most of what i know thru taking college classes through my senior year. i had no idea what field i wanted to go into (still don’t for sure but hey i know how to go into several things i am sorta interested in). this all led to me being really confident in applying tho lol which was kinda cool bc i applied to Vandy and UVA thinking I was just as good as anyone else w/ my grades and ecs, and i got into UVA so woo that part worked out, which is great bc my “safeties” were out of state that i can’t afford 
plus it’s UVA. but yeah i didn’t even know ppl pay ppl to write their essays and stuff, like THANK GOD for the internet & ppl who gave me tips on formatting or proofread my essays. anyway, i didn’t realize my potential and now i do. but idk if my potential depends on the school i’m in
fast forward to when financial aid letters came out and i had allllll this stress ab affording UVA bc i thought it was gonna be 30k (not each year, but all 4 total) and it just didn’t make sense for me to do that. but lololol so for like a couple more months i had the stress of would it be worth it or not??? which was super heavy as someone w/ no savings and a free option w leftover money for trips and internships in college. literally the stress of having a game plan for my career before i start college bc the money aspect has been so real & still is. but ye in April UVA became cheaper thru my scholarship. so here i am now. dealing w/ the emotional stress of it that i really didn’t think about before i applied bc i just had that pressure TO apply & i just did it so i’d have options in case i wanted to go away and now it’s affordable to go away and yikes!!!
i don’t wanna get caught up romanticizing learning and education and stuff bc like at the end of the day you’re at college for your career so yeah even tho classes are school and ppl may have a better attitude about it, it’s for your career and you’re prob not gonna use everything you learn . i’m like super passionate about a few topics tho so i really hope it isn’t just a fantasy that other people are too bc i get sick of ppl thinking cool/interesting stuff is lame or learning is lame. kinda why i have a reservation ab UVA if the rich ppl & party scene is legit bc like i care about stuff & also i want my professors to care ab stuff too, not just be there for a paycheck.
basically i don’t wanna leave home if college is just for my career and i can end up in that career regardless & if my idea that ppl in life really care about learning & impacting the world is a joke . when i’m passionate ab something in class ppl don’t seem to care on the same level and it makes me sad . lol. it would make me sadder to know that my passions can’t be utilized & this is all for money . i don’t wanna limit myself in what i can do tho by not going to a better school
plus not knowing why a better school was important originally has caused me to have this mindset where like it doesn’t seem like something i HAVE to do. but then talking to ppl ab it it feels like i have to & i should and like yeah maybe they’re right i should, but i just don’t have that oh my gosh wow i wanna do this feeling & i have all the weight of the life i’ve been living and didn’t plan to stop living on my shoulders .
Many intelligent people have ended up in bad relationships because they didn’t listen to their feelings.
@thomas4881 that’s what i’d like to avoid 
also don’t wanna look back with regrets either. i’m trying to picture both my options as realistically as possible
You really don’t want to go, so you shouldn’t go. The only downside I see is if you decide later on that you want to go to UVA- and it is not affordable. They don’t typically give scholarship to transfers.
Did your mom give you a reason why you can’t defer? You said they were supportive of whatever you decide- do they really want you to go to UVA?
My parents made me go to a school I didn’t want to go to- college was not negotiable. I hated it and left after a semester and transferred to another school. I decided to change majors and transferred again to a new state to a big city- best decision ever. Everything worked out in the end, even if it took longer and a lot more credits than I would have liked.
I would go to UVA- not because it’s UVA but because of the scholarship and the school offers more majors, and if I hated it I would leave and go to UVA Wise- there is zero shame in that. Instead of always focusing on what you are missing at home, you should be thinking of all the new things you can experience!
I know this is a hard decision, but remember nothing is permanent. It sounds like you never really considered UVA and then the scholarship came and now there is pressure to go to UVA.
Whatever you decide, it will be okay!
You appear to have a keen sense of self awareness and are too smart for your own good. I have one or two at home who are similarly “blessed” that will be heading to college in the fall. Life is going to happen, whether you are ready for it or not. My sense is that you know everyone has insecurities but that yours run a little bit deeper than most. While it’s tough to get out of your own head, you really do need to give yourself a break. College isn’t just about priming yourself for a career. It’s about discovering yourself, figuring out what you’re passionate about, learning to become resourceful, developing your communication and relationship skills, and growing up.
Your family, friends, church, and hometown will be there for you when you need them. And you’ll be there for them as well. But now is the time to push yourself (just a little bit), as long as you’re not paralyzed with anxiety. My sense from reading your posts is that you’re trying to justify giving in to your apprehensions and fall back on what is known and safe. While I have no real evidence to support that conclusion, I can relate to it personally. Maybe this is one of those moments where you can let your brain and your heart work together to come up with a decision that will help you become the best you you have to offer.
@jeneric Yeahhh transferring may be a headache lol but it’s a safety thing in my head
She doesn’t want me to defer because I’m into STEM, so it really isn’t a good idea to go a year w/o math or science.
I’m sorry finding a place you felt comfortable in during college took awhile! That’s great it worked out overall. College is def gonna be an adjustment ahaha
Those are some great points I have to keep in mind, especially the majors thing. I’m really interested in global studies! That’s one reason I’m drawn to stay home though, because I really wanna study abroad and idk if I can afford it at UVA. I really don’t wanna spend a ton on undergrad. I’m sorry I’m so negative on here btw, lol… I am excited for college! I’m grateful to have a couple options, I’m just bad at decisions and I’ve never had to make one this big. Plus, not really thinking too deeply about college until this year has made me have to do A LOT of thinking in the span of a few months during everything else in life. But lol, thinking about being home seems kinda boring so I really would have to take advantage of every trip and event to feel like I got a full experience. I hate seeming like such a debby downer about UVA! It seems really awesome, I loved the campus when I visited, and I was super excited about getting a scholarship. Those things are so easy to get caught up in, and it’s really hard for me to envision the next four years. I’m usually really optimistic but I don’t wanna jump in to something naively. I’ve thought a bunch about either option and have been doing lots of self reflection, lol.
I did do a lot of considering of UVA but reality didn’t set in until my acceptance, mainly bc I was focused on other apps, and then I did a lotttttt of considering thinking about the cost. During that time I had pretty much prepped myself to stay home, applying for scholarships and planning what I was gonna do. I visited, loved it, but decided on the way home I really didn’t think it was the best idea to go into debt, and in a couple days was pretty much decided. Literally checked my email that day & saw the scholarship and was pretty shook, hahaha. So the past few weeks have been a little hectic rethinking everything.
Thank you so much for your advice! Again sorry for being so negative. I kinda just need an outlet for all this. I’m super grateful, and I’ll be celebrating come May 1st one way or the other
Often financial aid can be transferred to the school you do a semester abroad at. You might want to check that out. I have some thoughts: I think if you pass up UVA for Wise you will regret it. From what I read above, Wise has a small percentage of students who graduate in 4yrs. If you had a good option close to home that would be one thing, but you don’t. From your posts I can tell that you care about your friends, are a social person and you seem to have an engaging and likeable personality. Am I right? Someone like that can always make new friends and people will like you. UVA is big enough that you will find all kinds of people. Not everyone will be a rich prep. Like I mentioned a couple of days ago, you will have so many breaks and long summers off. You will see plenty of your family. Finally, my daughter sometimes gets in her head and is afraid to do certain things. I push her to overcome her fears with lots of pep talks and she ends up glad she didn’t give into her fears. I don’t think most people regret taking risks and doing brave things, but they can regret giving into their fears. Good luck!
If you have a scholarship from UVA, it is likely that it also covers a UVA study-abroad program. In addition, there are scholarships you’d likely qualify for that would cover your airfare and other travel expenses.
I can understand your hesitations as a first-gen student. I still think you should go to UVA. It’s hard to face change. But, as Michelle Obama says, “If it’s not hard, you’re not doing it right.”
Don’t worry about “rich” students. You’ll find your crowd. I found some resources and news stories about first-generation students at UVA. Take a look.
https://career.virginia.edu/specific-populations-and-community/first-generation-college-students
https://news.virginia.edu/content/first-generation-college-student-never-thought-hed-wind-uva
https://news.virginia.edu/content/first-their-families-connecting-uvas-first-generation-students-faculty
The subject of the second link was a recent first-gen student at UVA and now works in the admissions office. REach out to him via email about your concerns. I bet he’d be DELIGHTED to talk to you and answer all your questions.
The third link tells about a special reception the university president holds for first-gen students. You’ll meet so many!
Hey! Look at this! Here’s a list of FACULTY at UVA who were first-gen students when they were undergraduates! They are volunteering to be identified on this web page so that first-gen students can reach out to them. Pick a few names in your fields of interest, and email them!
http://provost.virginia.edu/first-generation-college-graduates-faculty
Here’s a link to special services and support for first-gen students at UVA. The university has these programs because they WANT to be there to help make the transition easier!
http://access.odos.virginia.edu/
Another article about first-gen students at UVA:
http://wuvanews.com/2017/11/06/opinion/opinion-proud-12-uvas-first-generation-college-students/
I’ve attended a few events at UVA-Wise, and got a good feel for the place. I liked it a lot, and I’m not a huge fan of UVA (yep, I felt the snob thing too). You can obtain a very good education at UVA-Wise, but for the most part you’d be attending college with folks just like you. Please think how or even if you’d benefit from whatever wider exposure you could get from UVA. I wish you well, however you decide.
@brantly has given you some great resources- the I’m First could be very helpful- maybe talking with other 1st Gen would help you decide what you want to do.
You’ve had only a few weeks to process this. My D18- knew her #1 school freshman year of high school and has been committed since September- she said to me on Sunday, “Wow, high school really is almost over and I just realized I’m leaving soon- really leaving.” She almost cried. She’s had months to process! Of course 5 minutes later was looking at posts for roommates.
If you go to UVA Wise- will you live in a dorm? If you can afford it, I think it would be good for you. Wise does have a study abroad program. Check out if there are extra costs. Not living at home will help when you go abroad on the great adventure you are going to have.
Have you gotten involved in any FB groups for either school? My D18- who hates social media, has got group chats and FB groups, following fellow students on instagram (she had to make an account). It’s been very helpful- she already has a handful of friends with similar interests and they’ve made plans to do things. At either school, once you decide, put yourself out there, you’ll find your group!
Sorry I didn’t respond to each of you all! I did read your responses and typed out some stuff but never finished and now my mind’s in a different place overall. I committed! I’ve been praying about it, and I’ve just had peace over it. I’ve pretty much analyzed and worried all I could over my decision from so many angles, and today I’ve just felt really good… I talked to one of my professors (bc already taking college classes while in hs) today, and I just felt really ready after that. I saw a promo email with the link to accept my offer if I wanted to and it just felt like, this is it, just do it. My perspective over this has been developing since I started my application, and even over the past few weeks I’ve grown a lot in how I see myself, graduation, college, and adulthood. Your all’s advice has really helped me, as well as the many other people’s wisdom, opinions, and insight. It feels weird that I just made my decision lol, but it just felt right, and I’m happy.
Congratulations! That’s wonderful! You have a bright future, which can include, after graduation, taking a job in a big city OR in/near your beloved home town. In the meantime, college is going to be great. I can tell that you love learning and love a challenge. You will thrive at UVA.
In the meantime, reach out to one of those first-gen resources I posted to get an agenda of all the first-gen events!
Congrats again!
Congratulations! Wishing you the best at UVA.
@skycolors527 : Congratulations on having made a decision.
It may help if you stop thinking of UVA main campus as a four year commitment. It is not.
It is a one academic year (approximately 9 months) commitment.
University of Virginia–Wise will always be there if you discover that your current happiness & comfort at home outweighs the need for growth.
@skycolors527 – congratulations! Did you commit to UVA or Wise? So glad to hear you’re happy and excited about your decision – all the best to you.
Congratulations! Wishing you all the best.
@skycolors527 DID you choose UVA-Charlottesville? Wasnt sure from the above. Every deccision can be changed, every path, every college. When you first wrote of going away to college, I imagined you were talking about going AWAY, like out of state, even out of region. Where you will only be a few hours drive from home, it is definitely worth giving the main campus a try. You can always transfer to Wise but UVA offers great opportunities. Good luck to you!
I did choose UVA Charlottesville Thank you all so much for the congrats and well wishes! I agree, @Publisher, it is just the first step and not necessarily a permanent one if down the road I decide it isn’t for me. Hopefully it will be great and I’ll wonder why I worried in the first place! @dowzerw LOL I knew myself way too well at the start of my app process to apply further than driving distance! & Thank you so much!