<p>I know I'm one of the few, but I am honestly unhappy at Notre Dame, and this is not just a temporary thing. This is my 6th month of school, and nothing has changed since the second week of school. The school is wonderful, but because of the forced rooming situations, I have been surrounded by not only extremely entitled people, but also people who exhibit extremely destructive behavior such as drinking three nights a week to the point of blacking out and smoking excessive amounts of pot and having random hookups with guys several weeks out of the month. I know this is normal college behavior for some, but this is not what I expected at Notre Dame, and I am stuck with these people as my roommates with no chance of changing roommates. They are trying to change me and are pushing me to drink and do drugs, and although I am a strong-willed person, it wears on you. I have no sincere friends in my dorm, and I am seeking to transfer out of my dorm to separate myself from these people to start anew, but the strict transfer policy will not allow me to do so. Does anyone have any recommendations as to how to proceed from here? I don't hate the school, but if I have to go another year like this, I can guarantee I will transfer.</p>
<p>I would highly suggest talking to your rector or to your RA if you haven’t already. If they are trying to force you to do things you are not comfortable doing and it is impacting your experience then your rector should be able to step in and stop the situation. If your rector isn’t helpful then keep going up the chain of command until your reach Father Jenkins. These idiots should not be allowed to dictate your college experience.</p>
<p>I second what princetongirl said. I have heard it’s tough to transfer, but it sounds like you have a legitimate complaint with your roommates and if you are persistent enough, I think they should be able to do something about it. If nothing else, if you can make it through the end of the semester, I really doubt your new roommate/s would be as bad as your current ones, unless Notre Dame has really changed in the 2 years since I graduated.</p>
<p>In my 4 years at Notre Dame, while I saw plenty of drinking, I never witnessed any peer pressure to drink to the extent you have described and I never even saw anyone smoking pot. So the good news is, if you can get away from this bad bunch, you will most likely find much more accepting people. Also, while I know the drinking culture is pretty prominent at ND, there are plenty of people out there who don’t drink or do drugs and there are certainly people who drink much more responsibly and who would never pressure others to drink if they didn’t want to.</p>
<p>Also keep in mind that you will likely run into some heavy partiers wherever you go to school. And at many schools, it is even worse- so be careful with your decision if you do decide to transfer to another school. I think at any school, the biggest thing is finding a group of like-minded people. And, as I said, the vast majority of the people I knew at ND were nothing like you described, so I think there is a good chance things can turn around for you soon. If you are struggling with how to meet people, I would look into getting involved with some clubs, dorm activities, or volunteer work if you haven’t already. I know that sounds kind of cliched, but there are a lot of good groups you could look into that you can definitely jump into even in the middle of the year (dorm choir, volunteering, cultural clubs, etc) and it would give you a chance to meet more people with similar interests outside of the dorm and/or drinking setting.</p>
<p>Have you found other people like you in your dorm that you have made friends with? They don’t have to best buds - just like minded. If so, perhaps you can put in to room together next year. If you love the school and can remedy the roommate situation for next year, isn’t that better than rolling the dice with a transfer? </p>
<p>While not ideal, if you end up having to stick it out in you current room, you could always spend more time in any number of places outside your room (library, student center, friend’s rooms, etc.). You’ve got only 2 months to finals and then you move out.</p>
<p>LynnRed, so sorry to hear about this (especially with a soon to be freshman daughter). Have you spoken with anyone at res life about the situation or are you assuming that nothing can be done about getting out of your room? Waiting until March is probably too late now though. Although I know it is not easy, can’t you request a dorm change for next year? I am hoping that you spoke with your RA, Rector, and Res Life so that you have created a record of the problem. As a student, you have rights and the best way to protect those rights is to speak with someone about what has been going on. You are talking about illegal activities with the drug usage (and underage drinking but honestly that is a tough one to make a lot of fuss about). Surprised that this group of girls can find the time to drink, hook up, black out, be hung over and still do ok in school with the frequency you have mentioned. You seem to like the school, just not the living situation and I am hoping that you have mentioned this to your parents also. As a parent, I would have contacted the school at the end of the 1st semester if you got the run around from res life. $50000+ is too much to pay to have your experience at the school be so impacted by the bad behavior of a few. I have to be honest and tell you that I have a hard time believing that EVERYONE in your dorm acts this way. There have to be some girls who aren’t constant partiers. You are obviously a smart kid as you are at ND so I don’t think that you need anyone telling you how stupid it would be for you to give in to the pressure of your roommates.<br>
With regard to transferring…Unfortunately this goes on everywhere. If you are serious about making a change then I would suggest that before you do that you look into the housing situation at a new school. Many schools have substance free housing and that would be a good option. Usually (sadly) it is fairly easy to move into these dorms. I really hope that you tough it out and don’t leave.<br>
Should you stay, I would make a dorm change request. Do you have any friends at other dorms that can pull you into a room for next year? The key is to find like minded people and unfortunately that isn’t always your assigned roomate(s) freshman year. It is all part of the college experience.</p>
<p>There are a few holes in the original post that make me wonder… </p>
<p>For instance, why would you “have to go another year like this”? Are you unaware that you can change roommates each year? Also, nowhere in your post do you mention any specific actions you have taken to get out of this situation. You are talking about behavior that at ND can result in expulsion. Are you telling us that the administration doesn’t care?</p>
<p>If this post is real, my guess is you haven’t done anything really concrete to get out of the situation. Or, you haven’t made the scope of the problem clear. No one wants to be a rat, we all understand, but if you aren’t willing to completely explain your situation no one will think the problem necessitates a mid-year change.</p>
<p>So, if this post is real, my advice is to explain in exact detail to your rector or res life rep (Don’t talk to your RA…this goes beyond RA–the RA is either clueless or complicit and unlikely, therefore, to help too much.) Put everything on record. The university will not ignore your situation if they fully understand it. </p>
<p>Be prepared for fallout, though. You will be telling on other students. You may be stigmatized. Every action has consequences. You have to make the decision.</p>
<p>There are alternate courses of action. I had a friend who disliked his freshman roommate so much that he slept on the couch in my quad for just about the whole year. Can you “unofficially” change rooms? Don’t ask. Just do.</p>
<p>Transferring between dorms can be done. My son has a friend in another dorm who wanted to room with him next year. He did have to fill out a form and talk to both the rector of his old dorm and the rector of my son’s dorm so that he could switch. I know the deadline for dorm transfer has passed, it was mid-February but I would think that because of your extreme situation something might still be able to be done. You have to be proactive. Our son is not a party type at all so he made sure to seek out like minded people to surround himself with.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, what you are describing is not rare. There is not a lot the dorm staff can or will do unless there is a specific threat to your wellbeing. Living so closely with others is tough especially if you don’t have common standards. We all agree that drinking is very common even for minors, but I haven’t seen a lot of illegal drugs used. I understand that sophomore year does get better, and you do have an option to move to another dorm if you have someone that will request you as a roommate or you are willing to float (take any available room in any dorm) which is risky, but probably not worse than what you have now.<br>
There is a lot more drama in the women’s dorms, and the thought of creating more drama by making specific complaints against your roommates may be more stressful than just riding out the semester. You will be stigmatized if you turn anyone in.<br>
NervousDad2016: The university will address issues but unless there is someone who will trade rooms with you, there is not a lot they can do. They will not make someone leave his/her room to accommodate you and often there is no vacancy. Generally, the approach is counseling for the roommates, but they cannot force people to change their behavior. In some ways I think the fact that freshmen have no input on roommates, and most people at ND are not able to to get away from campus to get a break from the dorms (like people at schools closer to home who can escape every couple of weeks) make it harder.
Good luck. Don’t let the current situation sour you on ND.</p>
<p>@NervousDad2016, I’m a little confused as to why you would think this is a fictional post. Why would I want to be unhappy at college? That’s a bit odd to me.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the advice. I’ve talked to my rectress already. I’m not aiming to change anyone or turn them in. I’m at the point where I feel like I should be a bit self-serving and do things to make myself happy. I know this isn’t different from other colleges, but my parents are going to be paying upwards of a quarter million dollars for this education, and I’m over 1000 miles away from home, so if things don’t change, it doesn’t make sense to stay.</p>
<p>Thank you all for everything!</p>
<p>Also, I’m not against the prominent drinking culture. I just want to be able to decide what I want to do without roommates who pressure me and get blackout drunk multiple times a week</p>
<p>LynnRed: I understand completely. I’ve been in the same situation and spent many nights in friends’ rooms to get away from it. Nothing like having good ol’ roomie barf on your bed at 2 a.m.! Parents, as a rule, assume that the university will take care of things, but the situation has to be pretty extreme to get any real intervention. Take care of yourself as well as you can. There are a lot of us that are hoping for a more compatible roommate next year!! Too bad we can’t start a “Needs a good, considerate roommate at ND” website!</p>
<p>LR: Be sure you talk to your rector about room picks for next year. If you don’t have a possible roommate, he/she may be able to suggest someone who would be compatible for next year. By now, the rectors know the residents and can advise you. Just talking to the possible roommates will give you a chance to meet others who are dealing with the same issues and may have interests that are similar to yours.</p>
<p>Also, I know that college students want to and, in most cases, should be independent. But if there is a situation this unacceptable, and you have exhausted all of your outlets to remedy things, it is fine to get your parents involved. Let them call your dorm, Residential Life or whoever it takes to get you in an acceptable situation. In four years of college I interceded only once for my S but it proved to be very helpful. Similarly a friend stepped in and made calls when her son’s freshman roommate was dealing drugs. This is a matter not only of happiness, but of safety as well. Part of growing up and being on your own, is knowing when to ask for help. And certainly, make sure you pick your roommates wisely next year (even if you switch dorms).</p>
<p>If you’re unhappy with the ND drinking culture, transfer. </p>
<p>Or tough it out another year, then move off campus. There are plenty of options in South Bend. I opened this thread expecting someone complaining about the stifling conservative atmosphere, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see it’s the opposite. Almost makes me proud of my old alma mater.</p>