Unhappy here/considering transferring out: need advice

Colleges and Universities A-Z Columbia University
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<p>I apologize in advance for the length and possible incoherence of this post. Basically, I'm a sophomore in Columbia College who is just now starting to seriously consider transferring. I had a pretty rough/miserable freshman year. I really didn't make very many close friends and felt pretty unhappy and depressed throughout freshman year. I spent a lot of time this summer adjusting my expectations for sophomore year, working on improving my mindset to allow me greater happiness at this school, and other ways that I could realistically improve my experience. Well, my sophomore year is approaching its quarter-way point, and I really don't feel like much has improved, which is extremely disappointing and depressing. I haven't made any new friends (in fact, I've probably lost more than I've made), and although I feel happier than I did my freshman year, I feel like my positive attitude will eventually wear down and I'll slip back into the depression that made my freshman year so awful.</p>

<p>Originally, I blamed my unhappiness on myself. But I've come to realize that Columbia might just not be the place for me. I find the social atmosphere around campus to be kind of unsupportive, cold, and disconnected. I just don't really connect with the whole urban outlook of many of the students, which to me just comes off as shallow and socially competitive. I'm lacking that social niche that makes college so enjoyable, and I'm beginning to get more and more doubtful that I'll ever find it here. I just feel like I'd be happier at a different school, one that's warmer and more cohesive.</p>

<p>I apologize for this kind of unnecessary rant. I just needed to get it off my chest and see if anyone else has had any experience with feeling similarly at Columbia and how they dealt with it. I also have qualms about transferring at the end of sophomore year and entering a new school where all the students (and me) are already halfway through college. I just don't know whether transferring would allow me to make the connections I'm looking for.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance for reading this/responding to me!</p>

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<p>I think if you’re still not happy by the end of this semester, then you should transfer. NYC can be an intoxicating place to live in, but some people just don’t get along with it. If you don’t like the atmosphere, then you don’t like the atmosphere. No shame in that. </p>

<p>Perhaps a University like Dartmouth would suit you better. Much more of a campus feel there, with rivers that students swim in during the summer and mountains that they ski down during the winter. About as far away from NYC as you get.</p>

<p>That said, I don’t attend Columbia so I can’t know exactly what you’re going through.</p>

<p>But whatever happens, I hope everything works out for you.</p>

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<p>I can empathize entirely. I’m in SEAS and while I have made some friends here, I can’t help but feel somewhat out of place–I lack that social niche you mentioned. Given this, I’m still confident things will turn out for the better.</p>

<p>Why? Well, you’re right, Columbia can be a very tough place. We have people who’ll happily bite your head off for no good reason, but also students of every interest with a genuine passion for what they do. We have a wealth of talent here, and shifting through it to make those connections you mentioned is difficult when you feel bogged down by the competitive, superficial atmosphere that can crop up, but I’m willing to claim that it’s worth the trouble. Keep up the positive outlook and you’ll find your place and make the most of it here. I’m confident of that.</p>

<p>Now with this in mind, I can’t tell you whether or not to transfer. It really is a personal decision of fit. You seem to have thought it over quite a bit and don’t feel as if you belong here, and that’s perfectly okay. I’ve even been entertaining thoughts of sending out transfer apps to more technical schools. The best advice I can give here is that if the environment is hurting your enjoyment, growth, and education, then it may be time to move on. Regardless, I do hope you find your place here, or wherever else you may find yourself next year.</p>

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<p>Of course if you feel that transferring is the best thing for you, there is no shame in that. My oldest son transferred schools at the end of his second year…he also changed majors, but the transfer alone added about a year to the length of time it would normally take to graduate, so be aware of that possibility.</p>

<p>I feel almost silly asking this, but have you looked into joining any campus wide organizations or clubs that where you might meet people and make connections? Have you gotten involved in things outside of academics? Because if you have not, then you might run into the same feelings of isolation at another campus…I don’t think Columbia has, over all, any more or less “social” or “friendly” students than at any other campus. And there ARE things to do besides going to shows or bars or any other typical “NYC” activities. You just have to put yourself in a position to meet and spend time with people with interests similar to your own.</p>

<p>I wish you all the best!</p>

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<p>I agree with churchmusicmom. The best ways to make friends are during orientation/first-year (that ship sailed I guess, but it’ll be gone at your new school too) and by joining a variety of clubs. Even if you’re not on a club, go to their activities, events, and after parties. You’ll be constantly meeting new people that way. Last but not least, take small seminars that require significant group work. </p>

<p>Even if you get nowhere with that strategy, take comfort in the fact that thousands of young people come work in NYC every year and feel the same isolation and social anxiety that you do. It takes time, but everyone is okay in the end.</p>

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<p>I’m also a current sophomore. I totally understand your desire to transfer, and actually have a friend who (unsuccessfully) tried to transfer last year. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything.</p>

<p>Are you enjoying classes at least? Do you not like the partying aspect of the social life here?</p>

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<p>Columbia is not one of those colleges where people show up to sports games full of spirit and paint and have crazy tailgate parties… It’s also in NYC and campus feels very nyc-like in that everyone is off doing their own thing independently. I’m in GS which makes it even HARDER to make friends bc i’m twice as old as 80% of the student body. Like honestly, there’s no way in hell I would participate in a beer keg party or join a sorority. People (kids) make friends out of convenience… people in their dorm hall, or whoever’s nearby, or classmates from hs that came with them. They are not as warm and chummy bc they don’t know you. You have to break down the barriers. </p>

<p>Transferring is a very expensive option, but if you feel miserable here, nothing anyone can say can change your impression of the place until you realize it for yourself that it doesn’t matter where you are. It’s your outlook that matters. However I will say this: college is not like high school. You don’t come to class knowing people from years back or have the comfort in not meeting unfamiliar faces every day. I’m sure you know that. That said, the biggest skill in life is not to be smart, but know how to NETWORK. Friends don’t come to you. You really have to go out of your way to make friends, and networking is a skill that takes time to build. Also, don’t discount people you meet who turn you off (shallow, elitist, competitive whatever), people in college are here to grow too, and you never know who or what they may become in the future. No matter how tight-knit another college may seem, people are the same everywhere. Take on the challenge. Learn to get out of your comfort zone and chat up strangers. Columbia doesn’t have a lot of spirit activities on campus which makes it harder to mingle, but you can do it. If you master this skill, it will make the next 20 years of your life SO MUCH BETTER, bc the real world is worse. Who cares if someone you chat with wants nothing to do with you. On to the next! Take on the challenge. </p>

<p>A lil tidbit about my past: I got into NYU (ED) out of high school and opted to stay in Cali for a boyfriend. Obviously, months later we broke up, and I ended up not getting into a college in Cali. I had nowhere to go. I enrolled at a junior college extremely upset, ****ed, and bitter. I made no friends and looked down on everyone on campus. I thought they were lazy and stupid and I was going to a stupid-people school. I just made up all sorts of damaging thoughts about the place bc I didn’t want to be there. Never mind that school was 100% free, that dumb people on campus= awesome curves, and that I would transfer in a year or so to an actual uni and save myself 2 years of tuition. I actually ended up dropping out and worked full time in the music industry as a producer and recording artist for many years to follow my dreams, which was great. I never graduated because my ideas of school were so toxic. Last year, I finally decided that I was doing myself a disservice for not graduating and came back to LA. I enrolled at a different college with a totally different attitude- I chatted with 17 year olds, made friends, had lunches with professors, went to school events, volunteered, and stayed positive. I made a goal to transfer above all else, and chatted with classmates in class to find study buddies. I was worried that people would be turned off by the fact that I was WAY older, but most of the people were very eager to find a buddy too. I transferred to Columbia as a sophomore this fall. </p>

<p>This may sound really stupid and corny and cliche, but it really is a mantra to live by. Instead of expecting places or people to do things for you and make u feel better or help you transition…whatever the excuse, make it happen for yourself. You want friends? Go find some. JUST DO IT. </p>

<p>I’m always down for new friends. PM if you want- and we can kick it. I’m dying during midterms right now. HAHA.</p>