Unhappy in college?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>First off, this topic has probably been discussed repeatedly on this forum, but I have not seen any posts relating to my specific circumstances, and I have yet to find really helpful advice. But for those who do bear with me and read through this post you have my gratitude.</p>

<p>Anyways, I am a sophomore in college. My freshman year was pure hell. I did not fit in, and I failed to realize how socially awkward and introverted I was until last year. I made a few acquaintances through my roommates, their friends, and people in my classes, but I never made any close friends, and went to a whopping total of one party the entire year. So at some point early last year I decided that it had to be the college that I was attending and transferred out at the end of the year. </p>

<p>Now I'm in the second semester at my new school, and the same exact thing is happening, so I now realize that it must be my fault. I made one really close friend while I was here (my roommate), but now he's dropped out and I have nobody. I had a decent time last semester, (still very few parties though) and thought that I was actually making progress. Now I realize that this semester is going to be much different. I technically live in a single now within a suite, and I'm absolutely miserable. For these last few days I have been hiding in my room like an idiot while the rest of the guys are having a good time. I'm very friendly with the rest of my suitemates, but they are all friends and I can't seem to get integrated into their group. They also go to their friend’s house off campus a lot and I am left all alone. </p>

<p>I see other people having the time of their life in college, but I'm just not seeing it. I've never been this alone and miserable. I just can't seem to meet people or make any true friends, besides my old roommate. I think a have a huge self confidence issue, because I have been overweight all my life and was picked on in middle school. I wish I could do it all over again, because being a transfer student has made things so much harder for me socially. I am already considering commuting for the rest of my college years, even though it would be a 45 minute drive, because I actually have friends at home. </p>

<p>However, this would be a last resort. I don’t want to give up on college, but at the same time I can’t help but feel that it will be like this for the next 2 and a half years. If I do decide to stay on campus, I would probably have to move in with people I don't know and that would be extremely uncomfortable for me because they would eventually find out that I have no friends. I want to have college friends, go to parties, have a girlfriend, and overall just have a great college experience, but I just don't see it happening. My two brothers and best friends, also in college, are having the time of their lives, and I feel like I'm getting left behind.</p>

<p>If any of you commuted to college and lived with your parent's, what was your experience like? Would you live in the dorms if you had to do it all over again?</p>

<p>Any other advice would be greatly appreciated, I feel like I have nowhere else to turn. Thank you all so much for your responses.</p>

2

<p>Instead of focusing on your current state of loneliness, take that energy and use it in a productive way. Consider this semester as the opportunity for you to change the things you have the ability to change.</p>

<p>You say that you’ve always been overweight and this has caused self esteem issues. Sit down and make a plan to change this situation. Take advantage of the student’s access to the college fitness center. Make working out a routine part of your day. Don’t be embarrassed to go there. The other people working out will look at you in a good way—as someone who has the courage and determination to work at changing their life in a positive and healthy way.</p>

<p>After the first week or two of exercising, you’ll find yourself looking forward to going to the fitness center. You’ll feel more energetic. You’ll start to see many of the same people there working out too. This is a great way to meet people.</p>

<p>Use this semester to transform your mind and your body. The rest of the equation will fall into place. Take all of the negative energy that you’re focusing on right now, and use it to make positive changes. One positive change is usually followed by another and another. Focus on your academics and your transformation. Continue with your positive plan throughout the summer. When you go back to college in the fall, you’ll be a changed person with a greater sense of self esteem and a new outlook on life.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

3

<p>You can’t keep doing the same things and expect different results. It’s up to you to make changes. You’re going to have to go outside your comfort zone and get involved at your school. Hiding out in your room will not get you anywhere. Join activities on campus whether they be clubs, organizations, volunteer work or get a job. Put yourself out there so you are not dependent on only limited resources for meeting people. Study in the library, go to the gym…do things that get you out and about. Smile and be open to meeting new people. Do whatever you can to keep busy and stay involved.</p>

4

<p>First of all, the advice posted above is excellent stuff.</p>

<p>I was in a similar situation at the end of high school and throughout half the first semester of college. However, what you have to realize is that friends don’t come automatically. There are some environments which really facilitate making friends (eg. small classes 7hr/day every day in elementary school), and you may get a few lucky situations sometimes, but other than that, you have to actually “make” friends.</p>

<p>Self confidence is definitely something to be solved. While ideally, you can just ignore the situation and start chatting up people, the reality is that it may be a barrier. Solution: participate in some fun exercises. Maybe join a jogging, cycling, or hiking club (or meetup group) and use that as a way to lose weight. I was actually also overweight for my first year, but when I ditched the unreliable bus system for a bicycle and actually went further than where the bus would take me, I started losing 2.5lb/wk.</p>

<p>As for meeting people: start looking for opportunities. Show up at office hours for no particular reason and start chatting up other students. They may start out as study buddies, but the friendship quickly forms once someone feels like grabbing dinner together after a study session. Also, join clubs and show up at random events. After all, it may only be a couple hours per week, but those opportunities give you a chance to meet several new people and possibly make new friends.</p>

<p>As for me, I personally joined a fraternity and most of my close friends are in it, but it’s a huge time investment and not necessarily the thing for everyone. However, even without my fraternity, I would have still had a couple close friends and a handful of others.</p>

<p>The point: get out there and s tart making friends. Someone has to make the friendship happen, and if the other person doesn’t take the effort to make you their friend, you have to put in that effort.</p>

5

<p>I have to say I’m no stranger to this kind of feeling - not many people who live around here in the dorms (myself included) think that such a thing as “the college experience” even exists. The days for most of us pretty much amount to the following: wake up, go to class, go to work, do homework, repeat. Pretty much the entire campus is silent - very little activities, a lot of clubs are invite-only or very selective about who they allow to participate. The only few I know who look like they’re at least somewhat happy are the people who live on the other side of my suite, but they’re all friends and go to their friends’ houses off-campus, so they are normally not here. The vast majority of students who live here go to their parents’ or their friend’s places over the weekends, so the campus is pretty much deserted. I never hear of any parties (even though I live really close to the end of campus and the outside apartment complexes (where you would think the parties are since they can’t be on campus) are almost dead silent. </p>

<p>It’s like this place is a ghost town almost all of the time, with the exception of people going to and from classes.</p>

6

<p>Yes, joining clubs solves all of your social life problems. You know, joining clubs is sooooo helpful, that it should be a sermon for college: “Thou shall join thy club if thou want to make friends.”</p>

7

<p>Gosh, sadcollegestud is so good at solving everyone’s social life problems. You know, he comments on threads relating to the social lives of others and is always sooooo helpful, that is should be a sermon for college: “Thou shall listen to sadcollegestud if thou art to to make friends.”</p>

<p>Basically, don’t listen to sadcollegestud if you actually want to make friends.</p>

<p>As others have said, you need to step outside your comfort zone. I think nysmile in particular had some great advice. I was overweight in high school (I lost 55lbs during my sophomore year of high school) so I definitely empathize with the lack of self-confidence. Find one or two friends/acquaintances who you know exercise regularly and set up a workout schedule with them. Having been overweight myself, I always have tons of respect for people I see at the gym trying to lose weight so try not to feel embarrassed about that, as hard as that may be.</p>

<p>Going to more parties would also be a good idea. I was never very big on partying in high school, but there’s really no pressure to drink or smoke or whatever if you don’t want to. Go with a friend or acquaintance and be social. Use parties as opportunities to get out of your room and meet new people.</p>

<p>I would advise against commuting from your parents’ home. That’s really just avoiding the source of your unhappiness, which seems to be the overwhelming unfamiliarity that is college life. Try to stick it out; invite your suitemates over for beers or something. I’d really try to get to know them better since you live in such a close proximity to them and they don’t seem to be unfriendly from what you’ve described.</p>

8

<p>^I didn’t offer any advice in this thread, genius, so there’s nothing to listen to Einstein.</p>

<p>I’m just replicating what everyone else says.</p>

<p>Join clubs = making friends instantly! I agree! :smiley: :smiley: :D</p>

9

<p>Excellent advice, thank you all for your support.</p>

10

<p>There are positive and negative people in the world.</p>

<p>Be positive.</p>

<p>Don’t make it your goal to go to a lot of parties…make it a goal to lose weight (since you seem to be lacking confidence about your personal image), get good grades, get involved in clubs, get a job.</p>

<p>These are all characteristics of a successful person, and people like other people who are motivated.</p>

<p>A recent speaker told the class to cut all negative people out of our lives. Why? Think about it.</p>

<p>Don’t be negative and if you are, work on changing it. And WORK takes a LONG time. You will not have an overnight life change either.</p>

11

<p>Fritos: I see you’re trying to give OP some insight, but who are you to tell him what his goals should be? If his goal is to party/socialize more, then let it be. But I kind of see where you’re coming from.</p>