<p>Phylicia:</p>
<p>My S wrote a few essays on a topic of his choice, if he had that option available.</p>
<p>As for recycling essays, it is done all the time. Just make sure you revise it where appropriate for use as an application for college.</p>
<p>I agree. Just revise the essay so it goes with that particular school.</p>
<p>thanks a lot. would anyone like to offer a critique of my essay? It has to be out by monday.</p>
<p>Please comment. Thanks,
Ono</p>
<p>[Prompt: Identify and contemporary social or political issue unrelated to your own academic field and discuss why it is of concern to you. Single space one page.]</p>
<p>[
] and the geek shall inherit the earth
Jesus Christ, Sermon on the Mount (paraphrased)</p>
<pre><code>There is a silent schism in American society today, one that you dont see on the evening news or read about in the newspaper. Its not ethnic hatred, nor the rich-poor gap, nor the omnipresent feud between the Yankees and Red Sox. It is the deep social fissure and factionalism in our schools, mainly between two spheres on the opposite sides of the social spectrum.
The jock, or in-crowd subculture is centered around the idea of physical superiority; hence, the alpha x-gender of the pack usually is the one with the largest muscle mass and loudest voice or the most handsome face. The school itself honors their jocks by pitting them against jocks from other schools and then displaying the spoils of their victory prominently. The jocks rule the other factions of the student sphere, mainly through fear, but also through monopoly over the most desirable x-gender of the species, ensuring the continuity of their genes.
But there is another side end of the spectrum, the proletariat of the school nation: the underdog, the physically weak, the geeks, as they are commonly called. The geeks thrill in competitions of the mind; they excel in debate tournaments, math competitions, physics bowls, etc. However, the members of this population gain little recognition and hold virtually no power. What little control they have is derived by doing homework for money (a practice I find dishonorable). They live in fear of persecution, holding out until they enter the college world, where sometimes the process simply repeats itself.
</code></pre>
<p>Take, for example, LeBron James, the star basketball player of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Immediately after high school, he signed a ninety million dollar contract with Nike. I do not mean to slight Mr. James in any way, in fact I hold him in very high regard for his basketball skills, but take for comparison Reid Barton, four time medalist at the International Mathematics Olympiad, and winner of the International Olympiad in Informatics by the greatest margin in history. What did he get after high school? Mr. Barton now studies at an institute, where he probably receives enough scholarship money for his tuition and some pocket change. The amount of time and effort that Mr. Barton put into his craft is probably greater than that put in by Mr. James. So where is the equality?</p>
<p>As a self-proclaimed geek, this issue has deeply disturbed me. My friends and I tried to start a math team in my sophomore year, for example. I found it shocking that we had to start a math team, didnt already exist in the first place, but found it even more disturbing that no one recognized or joined us. The chess club, a staple of geek society, was nonexistent until a friend of mine started it. And through all of this, we are reminded every day of the tennis teams state championship and the soccer teams victory. </p>
<p>We are constantly bombarded in the news by the message that American children are falling behind in math and science. Yet, it seems that our system creates students this way. The school has paid coaches for tennis, football, and basketball, but none (paid or unpaid unless a teacher volunteers) for math, physics, or chess. If it were not for a handful of dedicated teachers, some of us would not have been able to even attend any academic contests. So its not surprising that students will gravitate toward the jock culture. If our society truly wants our geeks to inherit the earth, then it must change its priorities and add a geek clause to Title IX.
-end</p>
<p>A thought on writing an essay. The goal is to let the college know you beyond the statistical information that dominates the application forms. You might consider asking people who know you to describe you in one positive word (ex. dedicated) and with one anecdotal incident (the time your computer broke and you walked across town to finish a project). After you have collected a number of these, try to write an essay that includes an incident or incidents that reveal the best of these characteristics without actually using the one word descriptions given by your friends.
Ask someone else,perhaps your English teacher, to read it and to describe in a few words the traits revealed by your essay. If there is an overlap with the words you started out with then you have probably written an essay that will meet your objective.</p>
<p>This is based on a technique taught to emerging writers, ask your critic to describe your main points. If they don't list what you thought were your main points you may want to edit.</p>
<p>i liked your essay. Mostly because of its truthfulness. It was very insightful, or rather it dared to discuss something that we all already knew, but dont usually talk about.</p>
<p>Maybe a typo though: did you mean that the x-gender has a monopoly over the most desirable y-gender? or did you mean X over X?</p>
<p>If you ARE a self-proclaimed geek, is this "unrelated to your own academic field?" My first thought was that it didn't QUITE follow the prompt. Also, if it is describing you, it sounds like - sorry to be so blunt - that you tried to be a leader (math club) but no one followed. And then you're "disturbed" that it failed. Hmmmm... wrong message. The writing is quite good - a few typos that would of course be fixed by the time you sent it in. But you may want to rethink a few things.</p>
<p>It is cute. It is funny (in places). It is also why we avoid "cute" and are "fearful" of funny. It is also NOT completely responsive to the prompt. Post number one on this thread was mine- read the prompt and do what it says. </p>
<p>"Social or political issue"-I'm guessing that's geek discrimination. "Unrelated to your academic field" .Huh? Seems to suggest that the topic needs to be related to an academic field-just not one of your's. What academic field did you pick to write about in your essay? IMO This prompt is looking for a serious ,well thought out response, not a flippant rehash of a Revenge of The Nerds movie (without the gorgeous cheerleader, but I felt that was where you were going. Jocks get the girls, nerds do jock's homework. ). I think with as many controversial fields as there are in American colleges these days from the peace movement, to bio-ethical considerations, to multi-culturalism, to affirmative action , to .... you get the idea. If in fact you are decrying that athletics, or actually all entertainment, is valued more and rewarded greater in our society than any other form of human endeavor -to the ultimate detriment of that society-say that. If you fear that that cultural phenomenon infects colleges, say that. The academic field would be "Ethics". Work in Bonds, Giambi , and Marion Jones. At least they would know you were current. LOL. As always , just my opinion and I'm willing to learn.</p>
<p>I liked it-- but I agree that it is not exactly following the prompt. </p>
<p>This would make a good essay of the "Write about whatever you want" ilk, though. You are a good writer; nice job.</p>
<p>Sorry, but i sorta just skipped the prompt and went to your essay. And now when i look back i must agree with the others. Your "social issue" seems to be a very personal issue and when most think of social issue they think of groups with very definite attributes, such as homosexual, palestinian vs. israeli, oppression of a specific group in some country, the practice of something in this group, etc. Nicely written, but maybe you should tweek it a little to more exactly fit the prompt</p>
<p>This was my scholarship essay for BU. Some people dont take criticism very well, but my problem is that my teachers dont criticize enough, I mean when sending this off to college i dont care about a few hurt feelings (although that wouldn't happen.)</p>
<p>The second essay is my general essay for all my other applications.</p>
<p>The ultimate test of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and the moments of convenience, but where he stands in moments of challenge and moments of controversy. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.</p>
<pre><code>This quote delivered by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. speaks volumes of truth not only when correlated with Kings own past dispositions, but with every mans when faced with adversity. This stems from the fact that at some point in out lives we will be forced to evaluate our own self and that intangible code which we refer to as our values. In times of hardship will we stand beside them? Or will we waver? As alluded to in Dr. Kings quote, what truly separates the courageous from the craven isnt so much their philosophies, but how hard and by what measures they choose to fight for them. Dr. King exemplifies this quote as he refused to cower in the face of animosity and injustice, and ceaselessly denounced violence within the Civil Rights Movement even while jailed, beaten, and threatened of his life.
</code></pre>
<p>There have been many figures throughout history that although fought for an arguably just cause, did so in a repugnantly distasteful manner. A widely broadcasted example is the many suicide bombings taking place due to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. While it is certainly possible to sympathize with the Palestinians rage at having their land unscrupulously stripped from them, at being oppressed under various curfews, and at having their homes savagely bombed by Israeli authority, their counteraction in that moment of controversy and desperation will never be justified. This might appear juvenile, clinging too strongly to the cliché Two wrongs dont make a right. However, in both the land of fantasy and the land of reality hate, unequivocally, breeds hate. A million deaths on Palestinian soil and a thousand lost homes can never validate the murder of the Israeli child caught in the skirmish, and neither could it be justified if it were the opposite.<br>
We are more than a number, and our lives cannot be simplified into a train of statistics and figures. We need to value each other as an individual and learn how to act out of reason instead of rage. Like Dr. King, our greatest test will be to uphold our ideals without hypocritically violating them when it seems convenient and without growing spineless when the tides turn against us.
International conflict isnt necessary to verify this quote or to deem it philosophically enlightening. Even in the most mundane of situations, whether it be school or family relations, we might face opposition and be tempted to either give up or act out rashly. For this reason it is necessary that everyday we make the conscious decision that we will not waver, that we shall stand by your credence whether in times of ease or struggle. And for all those dastardly fellows who masquerade in seraphims robes, sooner or later, they will be revealed.</p>
<hr>
<p>When being asked the question why I would like to become a physician many peoples minds are already clouded with their own perceived responses. Its the money, isnt it? Or is it the prestige? While both incentives seem to go hand in hand with this title they undoubtedly pale with my true motivations.
Being a physician is more than what you see on the dramatics of ER. There is no Cut! Lets try that again, or Shed a few more tears when you pronounce him dead. There is no rewind and therefore its pertinent that you get it right the first time or else you risk making it your patients last time.
If so, why even bother with such monumental stress? Simply, it is a passion. You must wake up yearning to discover at least one new fact that explains our bodys mechanics, you must strive with fervor to alleviate those with maladies, and you must make effort to comfort those who are at times beyond the scope of medical remedy. Although physically assisting others, I find this field to be spiritually uplifting to myself.
From an early age I was fascinated by the sciences, for to me, it was an explanation. In this realm the days of being force-fed facts without substance or reason are long gone. This love for general science soon matured and emerged as a love for the biological sciences because in this field information is tangible, rather than conceptual.<br>
I further explored this field when I began volunteering at Winthrop University Hospital. During my first visits I felt timid, small, and almost useless as I watched the doctors and nurses stride by. Could I ever handle such tasks? Soon I pushed away this belittling thought and began to appreciate this opportunity as it was a time to service my community and observe my surroundings. However, watching the medical students and doctors go on their rounds created a sense of longing within me, because already I yearned for that to be me.<br>
My feelings began to change when a doctor who had seen me sitting unoccupied, invited me to accompany him and his students on his rounds. Although feeling out of place in my bright red and white striped uniform against their starched white lab coats, as we went from room to room listening as the doctor explained various complications, I soon became overwhelmed with a sense of belonging. This was where I wanted to be.
While some may only see sickness, when I walk through the hospital corridors and hear the buzz of patients speaking and the beeping of various machines, I see life. When others see grief as families wave their loved ones off into the Operating Room, I see hope. And as I watch the smiles spread across patients faces when they are told they are well enough to go home, I see success. My greatest desire, or motivation as it may be, is to become part of that hope and success.</p>
<p>Any response will be appreciated, even if it is just grammatical.</p>
<p>Send the right essay to the right college.</p>
<p>Hi,
I'm new here and I'm finding the information here very useful. </p>
<p>I have a quick question about whether or not my essay is on the risky side?</p>
<p>I'm planning on writing about how the death of a close friend impacted my life and has permanently changed me and my perspective of life. </p>
<p>I will write more about the change in myself and only use death to show what caused it.</p>
<p>What do you guys think?</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>
<p>I didn't read your Martin Lurther essay (too boring) but I loved your physician essay. I want to be a doctor too, and your essay almost brought tears to my eyes. There are some long convoluted sentences in the essay, you might want to try to break them up. Otherwise, send it in!</p>
<p>passion, be passionate on what you are talking about not what you think that admission officers want to hear</p>
<p>Thanks guys, this thread is really helping a lot.<br>
I was wondering if anyone could help me out and take a look at my essay.</p>
<p>I'm a bit weary posting it on the board though (not that i don't trust you guys) but i could send it through private message for whoever is willing :) </p>
<p>If anyone wanted to do a swap essay thing that would be great too!</p>
<p>I have the same question as Breadpitt. This thread has some great advice but I would like someone with experience to read my essay and give me some feedback.</p>
<p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>I'm done writing my essay already. If any of you are willing to read it, please contact me. I really need someone to proofread it because I'm afraid of giving this counselors. It is a little risky. </p>
<p>Thank you.</p>
<p>how do you erase posts. can you help me</p>
<p>You can't erase posts.</p>