University of California Personal Statements

<p>I have started writing my personal statements. Here is my rough draft for question #2: </p>

<p>"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"</p>

<p>My response: </p>

<p>Perseverance. One word that can change so much of how someone thinks every day. The drive and persistence to continue in something that means everything in the world. Not only had it been a stressful year with multiple obstacles to overcome, another one now had now confronted me. The adrenaline rushed through my body as the bullet had gone off and the start of the race had begun. The jolt of pain surged throughout my leg wanting to stop, but the adrenaline was too high to focus on the slightest inch of pain. Rain pelted against my face as I was mentally focused on the entire race, fighting to make my way up the numerous hills. It was now halfway through the race and the pain had subsided slightly, focusing primarily on driving my way up the next set of hills. Reaching the top of the last hill, the pumping of my arms accelerated and my stride lengthened. As soon as I had passed the finished line, a grin was on my face, knowing that I had just achieved my best time of the season. My legs felt like they were about to give out as I had slowly started my back to the team tent. I took a seat on one of the benches and noticed that my shin was pulsating with an immense amount of pain. I sat for awhile, but the pain wouldn’t subside. Thinking that I had a muscle cramp, I decided to walk it off, but ended up not being able to put the slightest amount of pressure on it. And at that moment, I knew something wasn’t right. That night, as soon as I had arrived back at school, my parents took me to Urgent Care. The pulsing around my shin continued for the next hour as we waited in the dreadful waiting room to be called back. Remaining hopeful, I continued to map out my plans for the rest of the season. After they had finally called me back and examined my shin, they had concluded that crutches for two weeks would be the most suitable option, finalizing that my pain was shin splints. Crutches inhibited my normal daily activities. The frustration of not being able to carry my own textbooks to class or being able to open doors for myself caused me to become angry with myself and the people around me. A week had gone by, but the pain continued to increase. I was scheduled for a MRI and a bone scan and the news from those worsened my ability to rely independent. I had multiple stress fractures in both shins. One being worse than the other. I was forced to stop running for the rest of the season, put on crutches for an additional eight weeks and a heavy black boot was now strapped to my leg. I was striped away from the one thing that I was so passionate about and now had to rely heavily on others. A normal day, which seemed so easy before, was now a struggle. Crutches in a hallway full of students wasn’t the best thing for anyone, especially if people completely ignored you attempting to go around them as they stopped in the middle of the hallway. Countless hours in the waiting room of my physical therapist and orthopedic drove me to remain hopeful that, eventually, I would be able to run again. That I will be able to run comfortably and recover from this. The optimism overtook the frustration at one point and enabled me to still be passionate about running, even if I wasn’t the one participating in it. I continued to go to the races and cheered my teammates on. I continued to remain strong even after the doctors had told me that I probably wouldn’t be able to run again without breaking my leg. But, the perseverance in me engulfed the rest of my emotions and told myself that I could overcome this obstacle. That I could recover healthy enough to come back next season and be able to run a meet again. And throughout the physical and emotional pain fracturing my leg has caused me, one thing has stuck with me: keep trying. Because in life, you have a limited number of chances, so you must keep trying, even if there is no hope at all. </p>

<p>I would appreciate some constructive criticism. Thank You :)</p>

<p>There are so many sports essays, and it can be hard to make them stand out. However, if handled the right way, they can work. Don’t make the essay about what happened to you; make it about everything you learned from that experience and how you will apply that in the rest of your life. The only times I saw anything about a deeper meaning were a little in the introduction and a bit at the end. Almost every athlete has been injured at one time or another. What has your experience taught you that will make you an asset to the schools you are applying to?</p>

<p>So, instead of creating the experience of my injury, apply it to how it has affected who I am today? Should I talk about how I want to major in Kinesiology?</p>

<p>That’s exactly what you should do.</p>