University of Florida's essay check?

<p>The prompt: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.</p>

<p>my essay:
As my brother begins waving his hand in front of my face I realize I’m standing on a city curb just spacing out at the building across the street.The outer walls were made of some metal material that caught the red lights from opposite street perfectly. It was rather fascinating to look at. I kept walking with everyone but could not help but think inside, “I wonder what the inside looks like?”. I could not keep my eyes off of the skyscrapers that night. Ever since this awakening, I realized that every time I take a trip to the city I call home, Chicago, my eyes are glued to the abstract visuals the city is full of. My hometown, my family and my school have impacted how I think of the world and how I will strive to change it entirely. </p>

<p>I am a lucky enough girl to be granted a home in such a safe suburban area with a great fundamental city just around the corner. I have always taken advantage of Chicago being so close. I remember visiting when I was younger and almost being confused as to why there were not any buildings like that back at home. More recently, when I am downtown with my friends, I always point out the cool buildings and share with them my ideas. Although a minor goal of mine is to leave Illinois, I will always look at that city as my playground of building blocks. </p>

<p>Another blessing I have been given is that my aunt loves redoing and redesigning my room whenever she is in town. Ever since my younger sister and I were old enough to speak she would ask each of us our favorite colors, and paint each of our rooms that color. Eventually she would ask about furniture we would prefer, new doors, extensions to our rooms, and much more. I admit we did not get all of those things but she sent ideas whirling through my mind. I love drawing, but I always end up finding myself drawing the same thing; a blueprint of my room. I love changing the layout of it and conjuring up anything that would improve my tiny living space. I believe that I perceive rooms and building differently than alot of people I know. Whenever I am somewhere I constantly am thinking of how it can be enhanced. </p>

<p>Feeding this obsession, during junior year’s last semester, every lunch period I would go into the engineering room with a few friends who were enrolled in the honors architecture course at my school. I had no idea they had been so interested in it for so long. I loved shadowing them while they got their work done and hearing about what they learned. So much that I signed myself up for the drafting and design class for my senior year. I was extremely excited for it until I found out a few weeks before summer began that the class was no longer offered due to lack of students signing up for it. Due to this I have no professional experience and am not that highly educated on the topic.</p>

<p>I would love to major in architecture but I’m afraid that not knowing the depths of it, it would be dangerous to declare my major as it already. I feel that at the University of Florida I would be able to make a more clear decision on my major. The variety of majors there intrigue me.I hope to take advantage of the college’s resources and declare a major soon enough. It would be another blessing in my life to be able to call myself a Gator. </p>

<p>This is a very rough draft!! I need help.
-grammar and my way of words
-the actual topic
-anything I should leave out or add (it is much too long)
-i know it doesn't make me look the best, any suggestions?
-suggestions in general!! (keep them coming)</p>