University Withdrawal and Depression. Suggestions and Advice?

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hi. I started my first term last fall as a commuter. I had a few verbal disputes with my parents (living with my dad and my stepmom) and since the first one after starting my first week of class I started seeing a counselor. I was diagnosed with long term depression and suffered from family trauma as a child (I also have social anxiety and am an extreme introvert). My counselor and I set a few goals to help my with my depression and stress. I made a few friends and joined an organization related to my major (computer science). I honestly really liked my college but sometimes my mind would drift and I felt out of place. Things would seem like they got better but it’d get worse than before. I started to skip a few classes, then I skipped more classes after going to one session because I was scared of falling behind. I still went to campus to study. I had a mental block during my first midterm exam and then a mental breakdown when it was over. I informed my professor and he was really understanding and kind. I felt guilty though because I thought I didn’t deserve second chance even though he said to look at it as an opportunity. I talked to my counselor after the breakdown and we talked about withdrawal and moving away from my parents. My sister and I made arrangements and I withdrew from university to live with her for a while. My counselor suggested that once I get settled down I see a therapist/psychologist to see if progressing in my mental state (I haven’t gone to see anyone professional yet since then). I love my sister but we were never close as children and my stepmom always found ways of separating us (she hated my half sister). I love my niece but her husband seemed intimidating. I thought things would get better but I never went out unless my sister wanted me to and never left my room when her husband was around (he never talked to me and I never talked to him). I went back to my parents because I needed to go to my orthodontist appointment and decided to stay to work things out with my parents. I feel like I’ve drifted apart more from my sister after I lived with her than before (We never talked after she graduated from high school, we rarely talk now). She went through the exact same thing I did, however she stayed in university for 3 1/2 years. My dad always talks to me about college whenever we’re driving some place for errands. He wants my brothers and I to get some sort of college degree before he retires and goes back to Laos with my stepmom (his home country, both of my parents are immigrants). I understand that and it reminds me of times when a few of my friends and high school teachers told me I have a bright mind and not going to college would be a waste. I want to finish college and get some sort of degree. I thought about applying to a local community college, State Motlow. I only have a few months left to apply but I’m not sure if I really want to. I like learning but I hate (really hate) writing research papers about things I’m not passionate about or anything that isn’t directly related to what I want to do. I know most people don’t like general ed and perquisite classes but then again there are some people who cannot stand institutional learning so they don’t continue to higher education. The thing that scares me the most is going back to school and then falling back into a low state of mind like I was when I started my first term. I don’t want to be a couple thousand dollars deeper in debt just to withdraw again or fail classes. As more time passes I feel like I’m running out of time even though I’m only 18. All I’m interested at the moment is programming and digital illustrating.

I’m also unsure if I should start seeing a professional therapist/psychologist as my counselor suggested. For those who are going through or already have experienced what I went through, what are your suggestions and advice? I’ve also considered pursing online degrees but I don’t know if it would be a reliable investment since I know very little about them.

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I haven’t gone through exactly what you went through, but I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in high school. For me, it was more of a situational thing than a chemical thing. My relationship with my parents was ruining my mental health (both immigrants too). However, for me, I found that I preferred my friends to be my support group. I felt like the therapists I saw were completely useless because they could not actually fix any of the issues that were going on with my life. My mental health only improved when I moved out of my parents house (18 years old) and got an apartment with friends and started living on my own.

3

My experience is a little similar to yours, except for the family component, and I also stayed in school. After a year of struggling, I visited the counseling center and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I also struggled with skipping classes (especially morning classes, as it was hard to get out of bed), isolating myself (also an introvert), and feeling out of place.

For me, seeing someone on a regular basis really helped me get out of my own head. It’s very easy to fall into self-critical and pessimistic thinking patterns. Also, a counselor can help you navigate stressful situations and give you ways to manage your anxiety. Ultimately, though, seeing a psychiatrist and getting put on antidepressants was what helped me the most. Now, my baseline state isn’t one of depression and anxiety like it used to be. If you found the therapy by itself to be helpful, then stick with that, but if you didn’t, you might need that extra step.

As for whether or not to go back to school, it depends. Don’t go based on what other people want you to do. But if you really do want to go AND you have the depression/anxiety under control, then don’t let what happened before deter you. You can make an action plan before school starts with your counselor and the office of disability services (if your school has one) to get things like extensions on assignments if you feel that you’re struggling.

I agree that taking uninteresting courses is terrible, and depression makes it even more tortuous. But honestly, there are boring aspects to every subject and career. Being able to do things you find tedious is truly a vital skill. That being said, if you’re interested in digital art and programming, 1. I’m pretty sure that in those fields, employers often consider previous work experience and tangibles (like an art portfolio) to be more important than a formal education. I’ve gone the school route, so I can’t say much about how to get a job in this field without a degree, but it is possible. 2. Also, maybe you should go to art school instead of community college; it may have fewer gen ed requirements and more of the kinds of electives you’d be interested in.

Don’t stress too much about this, though. You really don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It takes many people (maybe most people) many years and some job-hopping to settle into the careers that are right for them. Say you don’t go back to school. Maybe you spend the next five years working a retail job and spending your free time practicing coding and making art . Some would see that as a waste of time. But actually, you would have a lot of valuable experience and many new, developed skills that will make returning to school or entering your desired field much easier.

One more thing (sorry for the long reply, lol), since you mentioned drifting apart from some people in your family. Cultivating relationships takes effort sometimes. If you want a relationship with them, try and challenge yourself to contact them more. Just to ask how they’re doing every once in a while, at the very least. I know that the social anxiety and your history with your family members has made it hard. But the initial awkwardness of trying to start a connection is a lot easier to deal with than the perpetual anxiety, longing, and frustration that come with letting fear keep you from what you want.

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The first thing you need to do is get your anxiety/depression under control.
Definitely see a psychiatrist to be evaluated for medication and see a psychologist for therapy.
Do this however you can…living at home if you need to.

Part of the reason you don’t like to do school work is because of the depression…it is difficult to get motivated to do anything. Don’t make any decisions now until you get the depression addressed.