<p>What do you say to an unsure appointee? My son has received his appointment. Along w/ Navy, he has been accepted to three other universities, all considered in the top 20 of schools nationally.</p>
<p>Believe me, I KNOW IT IS HIS DECISION. Quite frankly, I think he still wants to attend Navy; but, the siren song of college life is calling. He has actually visited, at one time or another, all of the schools to which he has been admitted. [And, yes, I know that if he does not want to go there a 100% he will probably not make it, but the fact is that many kids question their committment at this interim time.]</p>
<p>Any advice on how to help HIM [w/out trying to be the pushy parent] make the decision. Yes, yes, we all know the standard answers: His heart will tell him what to do; he needs to make the decision, etc. But, when I was a kid, those answers didn't really help me make a decision; beside, what 18-year old is fully equipped to make this decision. [Granted some will claim they always knew, but, based on looking at some other threads, it looks as if many struggle with this decision each year.]</p>
<p>Any comments from existing midshipmen [and I know they are far and few between] or parents of existing mids would be appreciated. What made the decision for you or your child? Career considerations? Education? Discipline? Costs? What about somebody that chose to go elsewhere and now regrets that decision?</p>
<p>There are no magic bullets that fit all persons, but any words of wisdom would be appreciated.</p>
<p>You are right. There are no answers to this question. That he is unsure, to me, is a good sign, in that he is thinking about the alternatives. My brother who went to West Point was gung ho, in blinders. Of course in those days we did not visit colleges, and he was really carried by the momentum. He had visited me at college, and I was living in cheap, poor student digs those days, scrounging for everything as were my roommates, and he said that in part vindicated the decision for him. First class everything, all paid for and money to spare, what could be better?</p>
<p>When he got there and started getting what was then that $80K education shoved up his backside, a nickel at a time, as he puts it, he decided he wanted out. Found out that his ROTC scholarship was automatically cancelled when he went to West Point. Well, he stuck it out, and did very well, in the end. Would he do it again? Don't know as he would definitely have investigated further. Talking to some old alums fondly reminising was not exactly objective info. As your son is doing the legwork and brainwork, I would feel much more comfortable that he is making an informed decision. Good luck and congratulations to your son. Such great accomplishments! May he make the choice that fits him best.</p>
<p>I'm speaking from zero experience, but I have read other parents of mids comment that if a candidate is not 100% sure, he should do ROTC somewhere else. He'll need that certitude to carry him through the dark times.</p>
<p>I'm assuming that he did CVW and read everything he could get his hands on to have a realistic idea? There's a video series done on West Point (by National Geographic) that's quite good a detailing a cadet's life as well. There would be some overlap.</p>
<p>Hopefully those with appointments who decide not to go will let the academies know within a reasonable time frame in order to let those with noms but no appts. get a crack at it.
This is obviously a huge commitment, one not to be entered half-hearted. CVW is great but not enough to fully appreciate what a mid or cadet goes through.
A good book to read on the academy experience is "Absolutely American," about West Point. Half way through I decided no way I would want my son going there(he had applied) but by the end I had done a 180 and felt I would be proud if he did. He has always focused on Navy and that's where his nomination is. Good luck to all of you(btw he and I go back and forth on this screen name. We make it clear which of us is on though when we post).</p>
<p>Bill, I'm not sure you want to hear from an appointee, but here it goes.</p>
<p>Your son is faced with the same difficult decision many of us are having. With the exception of USNA, I have been accepted to Harvard and Yale and still waiting to hear from Stanford, Princeton, and UNC. I bet I have changed my mind at least a half a dozen times and I'm still not 100% positive of where I want to attend. If you asked me last week, I would have said Harvard, but if you asked me today, I'd say USNA. Although I haven't made up my mind completely where I'll be, I am relatively certain that I know what I want to do in my life. BUT, if you ask me next year, that might change again too. ;) </p>
<p>Before your son received his appointment, did he have an opportunity to attend the Summer Seminar and/or Candidate Visitation Weekend? If so, then he should have a pretty good idea as to whether or not this is an atmosphere he would be comfortable in. It takes a lot of soul searching AND praying, but he has to feel good about the decision. If not, he will undoubtedly be extremely unhappy and probably not be able to work to his full potential. Just listen to what he has to say with regard to his needs and ambitions. If he's like me, he'll change his mind quite a few times, but as long as he has your undying support, he should feel comfortable and content with his final decision.</p>
<p>I agree that there is not definite answer to your question that fits every young person facing this decision. You read postings throughout the various threads about the decision has to be the candidate's decision or they will fail. To a large extent I would believe that this advice is true. I also agree that the majority of 17 & 18 year olds do not necessarily know what is best for them. That is where I believe the parents can help with offering their advice. I'm sure that making this decision and commitment seems very scary to a young person where the normal college life would be the "safe" option. I think a parent knows their child best and can sense which direction they are leaning towards and why. Sometimes a young person needs a little help or nudge to help them make this decisoin and feel good about the decision.</p>
<p>I have a child who is currently a Plebe. There was never any question in his mind that he wanted to attend USNA. Given the feedback that we have heard from him over the course of the last months, it would be difficult to imagine succeeding at the academy if your heart was not in it. Without a doubt, it is difficult and at the opposite end of the spectrum from civilian college life. If your son or daughter is not sure about their choice to attend an academy, it is good reason for concern. You need to be strong in your committment to get you through those tough times when you are questioning your choices. If at all possible, visit again. One avenue may be to ask your BGO for contact info from Mids from your area. Talking to them may help answer your son's questions and alleviate concerns. Good luck. This is not easy and I have the upmost respect for young people that choose this very difficult path.</p>
<p>I don't know if being unsure is so bad. My brother who has recruited for the army for years, says some of the worst failures are kids gung ho and so enthusiastic and so sure,then they hit the bad thing, bad times and experience those negative feelings for the first time. A kid who has gone through the pros and cons is aware of a number of pitfalls and hopefully can understand that it was part of what he signed on for. Now I am not talkng about the rare kid who is still all out to go after realistically understanding the problems and drawbacks of the program. Most kids are ambivalent, and to go through the issues is a healthy process. When things don't meet expectations, some kids who did not think of other alternatives may wonder why they had not done so and start at that point. Never good to d so when you are down. So there are other ways to look at this ambivalence and vacillation. As a parent, you could ask if he wants to list the pros and cons, and discuss how they could be dealt with. THere may be issues in there that are phantom and can be dispelled. I know some kids want to go to save the family college expenses, noble, but not worth the heartache if the family truly wants the kid to take the best choice for himself and does not want the money in the picture. For some families the money is a big issue. Now is the time for such issues to come out in the open so no one is second guessing someone else. </p>
<p>Even the right decision can turn out wrong by subsequent events. Even the wrong decision can turn out for the better. My brother felt he made the wrong decision when he got there, and did a burn about it for a while. But now 25 years later, with an international law masters, a Harvard MBA, a wife, and kid, and great job with that extra army pension at a relatively young age, he can tell you that it would have been difficult if not impossible for his life to have come those turns had he gone to State U ROTC., or even his other choices which would have cost him money as an undergrad. And it is hard to come up with a nicer life than he has as he is very happy.</p>
<p>Part of this I posted this previously. Thought it might be of interest to this thread.</p>
<p>Here's a snapshot of our son's decision process in accepting his appointment. It's about West Point but should be relevant to USNA.</p>
<p>He got his offer of admission to West Point on a Saturday and had his acceptance card in the mail on the following Monday. Initially I thought he was not being mature in his quick decision. So I asked him how come he made his decision so fast. His answer was interesting.</p>
<p>He said:" Dad I want to be in the army infantry. West Point is the best place to go to become a military leader in the infantry. Why would I wait to accept their offer?" </p>
<p>As you may have guessed, our son is a "keep it simple" kind of guy. </p>
<p>Good luck to all of you during your decision making. Say a prayer and be thankful that you have the quality choices that few ever get the chance to make. From what I can tell, all your available choices are great opportunities. Whatever path you select should be a positive experience.</p>
<p>Ask this: "Do I want to spend the next nine years (minimum) serving my country in the Navy? Even though, I will not be able to many other 'fun' things that my friends can do. Am I willing to make that sacrifice?"
Cons: possibly no marriage for nine years, deployments, stationed away from US, etc.
Pros: serving country, an awesome thing to do, part of a team, etc.</p>
<p>This is the question I answered. I had the burning desire.</p>
<p>Someone who has thought through this and then answered "yes", should enter. Otherwise, if they question themselves, then maybe more thought should be given. </p>
<p>Many USNA graduates have made fine officers and leaders. These graduates who have come before us, should not be let down. This place is about motivation to become an officer. One should have that before coming here. Read the mission of USNA, one should be dedicated to that. USNA is not for everyone and saying no is not a bad thing at all. But, having someone show up on I-Day with no motivation at all is not good.</p>
<p>Well, here is a mom's perspective who had to go through this last year..
My daughter is at NAPS right now. This was an extremely difficult decision because it meant, not only giving up a NROTC scholarship to a great university, but other scholarships and opportunities as well as an extra year. To say she was unsure was an understatement. She spent so much time trying to gain admittance to the academy that when the door was cracked with the NAPS offer, she jumped at it. Then she got scared. It's a difficult decision for a young person to make especially when regular college life is pretty swishy these days. From looking at the faces on I-Day at NAPS (and only guessing that they were the same at I-day at the academy) I don't think 1 face looked 100% sure of anything. I think you need to counsel your son and help him weigh the positives, minuses etc. of each opportunity. Then just give him time. Try to make sure he is listening to HIS heart and not his friends, parents etc. Interesting that everyone seems to have an opinion on this subject. ;) Then, after time, he will come to the right decision for him. For my daughter it came down to this: She wasn't sure, but she also knew that 10 years from now, she didn't want to have regrets. So, was that 100%? Not even close. But, this year has had ups and downs and now a centeredness and calm about the upcoming four years. Good luck and congratulations to your son.
NAPS05mom</p>
<p>I used to think that USNA was for me 100%, but now, after a great deal of thought, my perspective has taken a 180 degree turn away from the academy. If he really wants to go to an academy, then go...just remember that there are many more, and different, opportunities at a civilian school...and you aren't signing over the next 9+ years of your life.</p>
<p>I totally agree that you're not signup up nine years of your life. There's always the option of leaving the academy. You can quit up to the end of your second year with only paying some back-tuition (maybe a steep bill for some). If you quit after two years, then you're required to do some time in the Navy as an enlisted man. Again, not that pretty, but there are exists if you find that you are just not suited for this life and need to get out. </p>
<p>And hey, ther'es always other options. There are always other colleges and graduate schools. If you stay in the Navy, There are dozens of opportunities for graduate school and technical training. Not everyone is expected to stay in until they become a 4-star (or mary a 4-star's cute daughter :) ). </p>
<p>Trust me, I have a very similar choice to make between the Naval Academy and other equally great schools. Listing THe pros and cons never really helped me, but visiting and talking to people definitely is. If you always have a plan B, realize that it's not the end of the world if you scrub out of Academy. If you want to try making the call to duty, I'd say go for it. Of course, that's easier said than done. But just remember: You have options in the Academy and out of the Academy.</p>
<p>I knew two kids at my college who transferred from theNaval Academy before they had to make the big commitment. They did well at this "civilian" school, had no regrets at having tried the Naval Academy, and were equally sure that they made the right choice transferring. Plus they had two years free, there was that savings. It's not like in the old days where once you signed up, you are stuck for the duration. I think a two year window getting that education paid for is a pretty good deal while you can think it over.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Contrary to popular opinion on this board, I would say that your son cannot reasonably be expected to be 100% sure that USNA is the place for him. Even if he is on the fence, I think it is perfectly fine for him to attend and see how things go.</p></li>
<li><p>UNLESS your son has been admitted to Harvard, Princeton or Yale (in which case I would recommend he attend one of these schools), if he is on the fence about where he wants to go, I would push for USNA because:
a. It's free. Totally. You really can't beat free.
b. The doors opened up by a Navy diploma are stunning. The degree is extremely prestigious. The alumni network really takes care of its own.
c. You have a guaranteed job when you graduate, and you will get to be in charge of someone or something. And many of the jobs are really cool.<br>
d. There are lots of hot women in the Baltimore/Washington/Annapolis area, and LOTS of them want to date mids.<br>
e. Did I mention that it's free?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>so i'm not a parent, but i am a candidate to the class of 2009 who's currently a freshman at a small liberal arts school in southern california. i can definately understand the lure of civilian schools--i don't have to answer to anyone but myself, i can skip class if i want to, i can party, and i can take more artsy classes than i would ever want to take... so it might seem kinda weird that i'm applying to usna. i decided to apply one day after having a conversation with some classmates about what we all wanted to do when we graduate. most of them wanted to go into business or international law or medicine. so i got to thinking, and i realized i want to be an officer in the navy, and wouldn't you know i'm at the wrong school for that (rotc is banned here). so the thing is, i guess, i would tell your son to realize that by going to the naval academy he may be severely limiting himself, but if he goes to a civilian school, chances are he'll be limiting himself there, too. anyhow, i wish you all the best of luck figuring it out!</p>
<p>Some of the people here seem to think that you can go for a year or two, decide it's not you and then drop out. How does that work for ROTC? I mean if you drop out of the academy does the kid have any shot of getting an ROTC scholarship (from the same or a different branch)?</p>
<p>megs02004,
Thanks for sharing your analysis of why you want to attend USNA. You sound very focused and mature. Keep us informed as to your status. Good Luck! </p>
<p>NAPS05mom,
Sounds like your daughter showed great wisdom and maturity (thanks mom!) to choose NAPS over ROTC and other scholarships. Maybe she can help my daughter with the military stuff next year!</p>
<p>"I mean if you drop out of the academy does the kid have any shot of getting an ROTC scholarship (from the same or a different branch)?"</p>
<p>I doubt it. It would be almost impossible to justify leaving the academy when you were applying for ROTC. What would you say? It was too "military for me? That's not going to cut it. </p>
<p>Anyway, very few people leave after the second year. If you think the pressure to go once you are appointed is high, the pressure to finish once you hit two years in unbelievable. It is a fantastically difficult choice to make, and few people have the conviction to make it.</p>