For my junior year (11th grade) of high school I switched from public school to boarding school with the intention of finishing my last two years of high school there. I did the tours and research and talked to so many people and I thought I was ready and prepared for when I got there. I have been here a week and I am not doing that well. I love the school especially the campus and I already feel at home walking around. The teachers and advisors are so sweet and I love talking to them and am already close to a few. My roommate is amazing and we get along well and the people in my dorm are also really great. I have already formed a few beginning friendships and overall I love the place. But I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t for me. I don’t know what it is but even when I am having a great time and talking and laughing I can’t get the gut feeling away that I don’t actually belong here. I miss home a ton and am homesick from time to time and I know that’s normal and will go away. But I can’t stop thinking that I don’t want to come back senior year because it just isn’t my place. I have even thought about switching back after first term because even though I love the school and the people I just know deep down this is not the place I should be. When I came back on revisit day I had trouble imagining myself here and I am still kind of having that problem. I came here because of the academic opportunities and because I loved the place. But now that I’m here I still can’t see myself just being here. What should I do?
Don’t make a decision in crisis. Bless you feel despair all day, give it time. What you are feeling is normal. Don’t worry about whether to leave after first term for at two months.
@boarderbeauty: I am a former prep school dorm parent. I can assure you that your feelings are normal, common, and believe me, there are plenty of other kids who are having these same doubts… Please hang in there. Joining a new school and becoming a boarder in junior year is a big adjustment from what you’ve been used to. It took a lot of courage to take this step. You went through the application process, and now you are there and it’s kind of scary and you feel unsure. I had many kids in our dorm share these types of feelings so please know that although no one may be showing it, you have plenty of company! Take some deep breaths and let things evolve. Don’t put extra pressure on yourself by trying to decide RIGHT NOW how you feel about being there. Jump into activities and friendships and classes with both feet, and most importantly, just BE YOURSELF. Do not try to be someone else in order to impress anyone. This is a great opportunity – you got yourself there, now make the most of it! It WILL get better. Give it a real chance and please let us know how you are doing.
I have been where you are now. Yes it is hard. It is hard to come into prep school “later”, not at the start, not with the help that schools give students in the early forms. Hang in there. It will likely get better, much better. Most everything you write about your school is positive; what is uncomfortable is your place in it. This is a description of transformation. You are changing and change is painful. Prep school is all about transformation. Not smooth, not fun at lot of the time, but life changing. Growing up is not easy. You have been there - what? a week? Suck it up. If the whole thing still doesn’t work for you six months from now, okay, come back and talk to us.
Yes, this may sound repetitive, but you need to put off a “final decision, yes or no”, for several months, at least, and suspend your belief that this is not the place. Otherwise, you are not giving these people, who opened the door to you in the first place, a fair chance, nor, even moreso, giving yourself a fair chance. If being there had been overwhelmingly wrong on revisit day, you would have backed out then and not signed the contract. The reservations, then and now, are within the normal range for many who pull through and come to embrace the experience. If you decide in December or January or February that you do not want to be there, fine, there’s no shame in it, and at that point you can say that you honestly and fairly gave it your best shot. Your original post makes you appear to be a mature junior, with perspective, who understands the “process” one takes in these matters of getting oneself educated. It also described many positives to build off of. Good Luck!! I too worked at boarding schools and saw kids like you make it a second home (and even a “first”).
It takes a little while before your spirit catches up to your new life, and then you will feel that comforting sense of belonging, of real inside happiness. This isn’t just a boarding school situation either. When you move to a new town, you go about your days just fine, smiles all around. Although, underneath, everybody feels some level of disquiet or displacement for a little while because the familiar touchstones aren’t there. But soon enough this gives way to a new sense of belonging, a new sense of home, a new set of happy touchstones. I know it’s tough to be objective about your feelings when you’re in the middle of an experience, but give your inside self a chance to catch up to your outside world. Don’t try to rush it because it happens incrementally and on its own sweet time. And the really big bonus for you is that once you get there emotionally, and you will, you will begin to feel an enormous sense of self-confidence that wasn’t there before. It’s an exciting, powerful feeling.