Hi everyone I posted this in the parent section because I’m hoping to get some good advice from adults. I started boarding school this year as a junior and I transferred from public school. I live about an hour away from the boarding school. I absolutely hate it. I haven’t made any friends that are juniors, all the girls are very cliquey and have all known each other for the past 3 years. I have attempted to introduce myself to juniors but they just ignore me. I don’t fit in with any of the juniors, as most of them are very mean. I am not interested in being friends with mean girls whose lives revolve around drama. I am the only junior living in my dorm, everyone else is a sophomore. My friend group is a year younger than me and I feel like I don’t completely fit in because I’m older and I’m not in the same classes as any of them.
My roommate situation is terrible. Our schedules do not align and she is always waking up much earlier than me. And our personalities are complete opposites, she is very hyper all the time and always trys to talk to me when I’m going to sleep. I have attempted to talk to her about this but she ignores me and doesn’t listen to me. Her friends are always barging into our room and not knocking. On the day I moved in my roommate told me that I she doesn’t want to be friends with me. I feel very uncomfortable in my own room. I talked to my advisor and my dorm head about changing to the dorm with juniors and seniors. I literally cried in front of them and explained how unhappy I was living with my roommate, and they told me that I just need to adjust and there’s nothing that they can do. They told me that this will prepare me for college. I asked to move into a single, but they won’t let me even though they have already let 2 other people move this year.
I am very uncomfortable in my classes because everyone already knows each other and ignores me. Academic wise my classes are way to easy for me, at my public school I was supposed to take 3 AP classes my junior year (my sophomore teachers recommended me for these classes). But at my current school I am only taking 2 honors classes and no APs. I asked my academic counselor if I could switch into any AP classes but he said no because of my test scores on the entrance exam to the school. Keep in mind that I took this test over a year ago. I feel like I am not being challenged academically.
I have gone home every weekend so far (yes I know that many people will say that I should be staying at school). I literally have to go home on Sauturdays just to stay sane and have one night to myself. I am very depressed and anxious while I am at school. All of the friend groups are pretty much established at this point, and I don’t feel close to anyone that I’ve met so far. I cry every morning and every night because I just want to be at home. Returning to my old public school is not an option. I regret my decision to come to this school so much. I feel very overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do. Should I become a day student and drive an hour everyday? The only problem is that I don’t get my license for 2 more months. Would I be even more socially outcasted for being the girl that switched from boarding to day? Should I leave the school all together? Please let me know if you have had any similar experiences. My parents don’t know what to do and they just want be to be happy. I would really appreciate any advice I can get, I am very unhappy with my current situation right now.
Have you talked this out with your parents? It seems to me that it is time for some adult intervention on your behalf. Your parents might be able to help with the AP classes and the living situation at least. I recognize that many people on this board think kids should be able to “go it alone” but I do not. You are past that point from what you have written.
My heart goes out to you. Are you a member of a team or club? Possibly the coach could be a good resource for you.
How long do you have till midterms? If all your classes are really easy and you are getting all As then I would suggest advisor meeting and push to get you moved up to harder classes before it is too late. Junior year load tends to be the hardest so that seems odd because even if not AP classes should be challenging and interesting. As for the social stuff, is it really a problem to be friends with sophomores? If you get along and enjoy their company I see nothing wrong with it. Are you doing a sport and some clubs? That would be a good place to make friends too. And I get the desire to go home and sleep in your own bed but you should try to stay on campus once in a while. If your school has Sat classes, Sat night is the main social time when there would be good opportunities to meet other kids and make more friends.
Also, if you leave boarding school now, your parents will be on the hook for the year’s tuition, unless they took out insurance (and even then, not sure that covers voluntary withdrawal).
Your school wants you to succeed. You will get through this and will very likely end up having a great experience. But it’s hard at first.
Consider applying to United World Colleges for next year? They have boarding schools around the world and each country committee picks top students to represent them at those schools. It is a two-year IB program and many students go for senior year plus one PG year. Colleges love UWC kids. The schools tend not to be as cliquish because the student body is so international and varied.
I just want to say, as a parent, I would not give two, insert your profanity of choice, about this. If my child was truly miserable I would want them out and done. You need to speak to your parents and not worry about money.
Just to be clear, I didn’t include the financial reason because I think a miserable kid should stick it out no matter what, but to say the decision shouldn’t be taken lightly. Sometimes, most times, sticking it out is the right decision. However, not all times.
Of course the OP should be guided by their parents, who have full knowledge of the situation, unlike us cc commenters.
Lots of good advice here…you are early in the game, so to speak. Joining an organization/club may help a lot. Also seek out the “student listeners” (or similar title) the kids that have some training to help students who are stressed and unhappy. I’d go beyond your advisor to seek adult assistance…maybe a dean to help get you the resources you need,
You are not alone there. There are plenty of students who would hear your story and reach out immediately. You just need help finding them.
Keep talking to your parents and let them know if it isn’t better (assuming you keep reaching out at school) in the spring you will be leaving at the end of the year. Even having that “agreement” might make you feel much better.
And you are not alone here on this message board. Keep us posted. We wish you happiness.
I imagine your parents are struggling with this as well — it would be heartbreaking to know that my kid was so unhappy at BS after making such a big decision. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice; here are a couple of thoughts:
In the academic side, if your advisor isn’t being helpful, go up the chain. Do you have a class dean who is in charge of, or the ombudsman for, your class? Or a dean of students or dean of studies? Even if you end up staying in your classes for now, perhaps you can get some constructive insight into the thought process and/or make changes next term.
Sometimes having the freedom to make the most extreme change — here, leaving BS mid-year — helps it things in perspective. If your parents were to allow you to simply leave, would that make you happy? Is it that bad that you would feel better about leaving than working to improve the situation?
Try to work on one thing at a time, and don’t expect everything to get better by itself. Perhaps if you can chip away at one aspect, other pieces won’t seem so bad. Join a club or activity; focus one friend, one day at a time. An activity or two will be good for your resume as well as a distraction. Just try.
In the meantime, focus on school work and doing your best, so whatever the outcome, you’ll have a good GPA.
Best wishes to you. Please know that the parents feel for you!
“Returning to my old public school is not an option.”
So what would your options be if you go home? Driving an hour each way seems okay - not optimal, though. It might take the money question off the table, if your parents could work out something with the school. Is that your only other choice?