OK so i have been at a boarding school in New England since my sophmore year (i am currently a junior). Last year the adjustment to the school was super difficult. I was homesick, my grades were bad (went from A’s and high B’s at my old school to C’s and D’s), i struggled with some anxiety and depression as well as making friends. Towards spring of last year my grades improved and I had a good group of friends (or so I thought) but was still dealing with anxiety. I decided to come back this year because I didn’t want to give up yet and wanted to see if I could keep making positive changes. For most of the fall of this year I was doing fairly well gradewise and was feeling less anxious and depressed, but towards the end of the fall term I started to feel a decline. Since around November (it’s early February now) I have felt depressed, anxious, and overall just very unhappy with this school that I really thought coming in was the right place for me. I have been denying that this is how i have been feeling for months because I have worked so hard and struggled so much to stay here.
This past weekend I had a nervous breakdown and realized that many of the people I call my friends, including my roomate who is especially bad, are incredibly toxic and unhealthy people. My roommate is incredibly mean and bipolar, makes me feel bad about myself and is extremelly manipulative. The realization that i have unhealthy friends made me realize that I need to stop denying the fact that I am miserable here. Fortuneatly, I have 3 close friends who will always be there for me, but despite that and even with those bad people out my life I know this school is not the right place for me. I have told my mom already, who talked to my advisor. My parents really want me to try to stay here and I told them I would finish out the term, but in reality I have already made up my mind that i am leaving at the end of winter term. I feel alot of guilt for deciding to leave but in the end I know it is the right choice. I am going to finish out the last 4 weeks of the term strong so i can leave with good grades, and than I will probably get my parents and advisor together at the end of the term and tell them my decision. I am genuinley unhappy here and I know this is the wrong school for me, even though I have fought so hard to do well here (sorry this is so long but I need to get the background info out). So to sum it up
(this posted before I could finish) so to sum it up, I am constanlty depressed and anxious at this school and overall just miserable. I am working on easing into leaving at the end of this term. My parents will be disapointed but I know that they want what is best for me and will support my choice to leave. I am most likely going to apply to a day school in my hometown where my cousins and a few of my freinds go that I really like. I am planning on applying for next year as a new junior, and repeating my junior year. Anybody have advice? I feel pretty alone in this. My parents would let me leave but aren’t completely supportive of the idea. Would it look bad for colleges to see I didn’t finish junior year at one school than repeated? I wish I could tough it out till the end of the year but my mental health is hanging on by a thread and I cry almost every day and barely sleep. There are only 3 weeks of class than exams left in this term, and I am planning on finishing strong. Somebody help me out, I’m pretty nervous about this and feeling alone as my parents are convinced that I can work through this, which I can’t, i am just genuinely unhappy with this school and need to be at a place where I feel like I belong. Thanks guys <3
Yes, getting out of there at the end of winter term sounds like a good idea. Don’t wait until then to spring it on your parents – tell them now. Good luck.
@CheddarcheeseMN i already told them that I want to leave at the end of the term but I kinds lied and said I would “try” to get it together, even though I have already decided I’m out after this term. Thanks for the advice 
As a parent, I can guess that your parents are crossing their fingers and hoping things will work out, but the fact that you’re crying every day obviousy is not a good sign. Has your advisor offered any guidance or help? If not, is there any other faculty there you can turn to? The good news is that three weeks is not a very long period of time in the grand scheme of things. I’m sure it will be very tough, but just keep focusing on studying hard and doing well. I’m sure this will sound silly, but also try to make a real effort to not care what the negative people are saying or doing – you may be able to condition yourself over the next several days to pay less and less attention to them. Wishing you the very best of luck. You’ve come this far, so you can do it.
The trouble with leaving a location and going to a different one, is that wherever you go, there you are! It seems that you come along, too. Is it possible that depression and anxiety are endemic to your personal growth stage, and will not just diffuse when you leave? I know that the familiar routines and the support structure of being in your family home will likely help greatly. But as far as judging/choosing friends and supporting the person who you are becoming; how will moving your body to a different place fundamentally change your inner world?
Go home, sure. But do not wait to visit student health services. They can help you to frame your situation, and transfer your care to therapists in your home town. Taking a medical leave; or withdrawing altogether and taking a “do-over” are both possibilities. But “toughing it out” even for just a few more weeks may be prolonging the pain needlessly.
Why don’t you go to student health immediately- reach out to professionals. Maybe work out with them what the root causes may be, and start to piece together a plan. A medical leave of absence for a term (or more) is certainly reasonable. During that time, explore whether you would want to return or whether you would not want to return. Colleges will be happy to have a sorted-out student on campus rather than an unknown quantity. They will appreciate the time off and the mature approach you are taking.
Good luck.
You need to be getting some adult help ASAP, does your advisor know that you are crying every day and can’t sleep? Do your parents? Can I suggest going to the nurse or whoever you got to there and talking about exactly what’s going on and honestly how you are feeling. There must be a counselor or therapist at school you can speak to, 3 weeks is too long to be going on in the crisis mode you are describing, please go talk to someone.
Don’t worry at all about the change of school or repeating junior year, everyone seems to be doing it. Further, kids seem to get kicked out of boarding schools all the time and waltz right into top tier schools like nothing happened. So, no one is going to notice the school and schedule change - it’s not at all important here, while your well being is everything. Also, lots of kids are depressed and unhappy at this age. There are good services to help you so please see a counselor right away. I think the fact that you have made some friends for life there speaks volumes to your ability to surround yourself with the support you need. Keep us posted!
@ItsJustSchool is right to say that often a change in venue doesn’t alter the underlying reasons for unhappiness. It may moderate them somewhat, but it rarely eliminates them. You may find that leaving boarding school early will have its own lasting effect after your departure, a reminder that a situation got the best of you instead of the other way around. @itsjustschool made another really good point that much of what you’re going through now may be endemic to your life stage. It is incredibly common that during these periods, which everyone experiences to one degree or another (whether it’s teen angst in boarding school or someone’s “mid-life crisis”) there is a near-total loss of context and you feel consumed by the problems. However, these are arguments for NOT throwing in the towel.
Without question, and as soon as possible, I would seek professional help as everyone has suggested. It should be the very next thing you do. Find a professional to talk to daily, or every other day, to confide to, to cry with, to express your fears and unhappiness, to consult with about possible medications to help you during this low period. This will be invaluable and help you sort out how much of your feelings are the result of others’ behavior and how much are the result of your inner turmoil and confusion.
Everyone on this board wants you to be happy; we want all of our children who are away at school to be happy. However, we also know that part of the ability to sustain long term stability and happiness in your life is deeply rooted in overcoming these epic challenges in your life. They teach you coping skills and, more importantly, they help drive home the point that you “can” overcome because you “did” overcome. That’s the basis of self-confidence and it will carry you long and far.
I wish you great happiness @katherine978 regardless of your decision.
@katherine978 I would urge you to seek help right away. I struggled with depression and anxiety throughout high school and college and into my mid 20’s. It didn’t matter where I was, I had great friends and a good situation, I was always “sad”. I really don’t know why I let it go on as long as I did. Now, many years removed and with children on my own, I can’t believe the time I missed feeling sad. Leaving school may be the best thing for you, but such severe depression and anxiety is a definite problem that doesn’t just go away. You will need counseling and possibly medication and it will take time. Please take care of YOU. Depression can be a lonely place, please reach out.
I would like to echo what everyone else has said here. I assure you, you are NOT alone in feeling this way, and sometimes there is comfort in knowing that others have had the same doubts/fears/issues that you are having right now. By speaking to your school counselor, advisor, or even a favorite teacher, you will be doing something proactive and brave for yourself, and it will help you immensely. Think of this as a medical issue (which it is) that needs to be addressed immediately. Hopefully once you start working on that side of things, the school question (leaving your current school? repeating junior year?) will fall into place. I’m wishing you all the best!
Yes @GMC2918 is right. Please treat this as you would a medical issue. It is the same.
I think it’s also important to note that there are no geographical cures in life. Waiting until the end of the term to announce your departure to your parents (who think you’re going to tough it out) and your advisor isn’t a good plan- nor is it fair (or truthful) to the people who are there and want to help you. Right now (instead of self-diagnosing yourself and others) you need to reach out to people who can help you. Ask for help and bring everyone in so you’ll have a solid support system in place while you finish out this term and perhaps the year.
I’ve heard you say that your parents have talked to your advisor but have you? Boarding schools have many safeguards in place for the safety and well-being of their students. I would recommend a visit to the HC immediately and speak to a nurse. Trust me- they’ve heard it all and will help you ( and your parents) during this uncertain time. After you meet with a nurse- she’ll bring everyone together who touches your life on campus ( in a discreet, respectful and confidential way) : Dorm Parents, Advisor, Coaches, Academic Heads and Faculty to help guide and support you. They will also talk with your parents and perhaps make recommendations for on campus/ off campus counseling. They can also recommend that you leave now for treatment.
There are also peer mentors in place ( depending on your level of comfort and the severity of your situation ). In other words… use everything that is available to you now instead of running out the clock. If you are truly suffering from depression and anxiety - switching schools isn’t the cure. Depression and anxiety doesn’t care where you go- it will follow you everywhere. Even to the most beautiful and serene island in the ocean…
You also need to read @ThacherParent 's post again- and again (and again). And, I’ll just add more thing ( pending a Board Certified diagnosis) : You are not the first student who hit a wall at BS ( socially, academically or spiritually) and you won’t be the last. In fact, I can almost guarantee many of your classmates right now are seeking help and receiving it - with a support system in place - and they’re fighting the good fight. Some may have a diagnosis and are taking medication and some are battling away just like TP described (after they’ve had an evaluation) .
I’m a parent so I’ll go there but not easily: I caution you to not use depression/anxiety as the vehicle for your departure. I don’t doubt ( for a minute) what you’re feeling is real but you need to be incredibly truthful with yourself and others- especially your parents. If there’s an overriding concern about how your departure will look to college admissions … that’s a red flag to me. If you were my kid- college would be the last thing on my mind.
If a rotten roommate was just cause to leave a school- most dorms would be empty. And - if an adult ( or nurse ) on campus thought you were at risk- you would have been home by now and seeing a specialist. Growing up isn’t meant to be comfortable (even in a cocoon- like setting like BS ) - Adversity is never pleasant but it helps us grow and thrive. Too many teens throw around depression, bipolar or anxiety… without understanding what these medical conditions truly are. Make sure you’re not doing this just because you want a better school experience or a ticket home.
I’ll just leave you with this: There is no greater feeling than crossing the finish line and turning back to see all the people who have supported you along the way. Make no mistake- they will be there.
I wish you (and your family) the very best. Now is the time to reach out and get the help you need. Your school situation will take care of itself.
@PhotographerMom @ThacherParent @GMC2918 @Springflower13 (sorry I didn’t answer these before i was pretty busy and didn’t have time to check). The school has allowed me to go on medical leave for the rest of the term and i most likely will not be coming back next term. The school guidance counselor strongly reccomended that I not come back, so I will be transfering to either my public highschool or a day school to finish the year. Although it will not be an easy adjustment after being at this school for 1 1/2 years, I know it will be better for my mental health. My parents were hesistant to pull me out but the school actually strongly reccomended that I leave. I am starting seeing my old therapist next week who will decide if I should go back on anti-depressants or some other kind of medication. I know that transfering schools at this point in my highschool career isn’t the best idea but the school and my parents and I decided that it was the best thing for me to do. I wish I was strong enough to make it through another year but I just couldn’t do it, I was really really suffering at that school. Thank you to everyone for all the advice it means alot to me to know that I have support in this <3 also, sorry I did not tag everyone.
Best of luck, Katherine. Rooting for you!!
Dear @katherine987,
On the contrary, I think that the strongest thing that you could have done is what you’re doing above.
Please don’t EVER think that you weren’t “strong enough”!!! The easiest path would have been to avoid the problem - you chose the opposite and will be so much healthier for it. Put your health and well-being first, and the “adjustment” that you face this year will be just that, an adjustment. You can handle it.
Also, keep in mind that there is no one/correct “high school career”. It may sound like there is from reading these boards, but I’m sure that if you ask 90% of the parents here, they will agree. Recognize that you have options, and don’t get down on yourself for choosing a different path. That’s where you will meet all the interesting people anyway 
Good luck and keep looking out for yourself! You made a courageous first step and that’s the hardest part.
I agree with GMC, @katherine987, believe me it takes a strong person to recognize and ask for help - sticking with the status quo is often the easiest, because you don’t ruffle feathers. I applaud you for making this decision for your health and I wish you much luck!
@ Katherine987: Knowing when to ask for support – and making use of it – is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness. Wishing you the best as you move forward. Always remember to take good care of yourself.
Hi Katherine, just wanted you to know we went thru this as a family last year–leaving middle of junior year–and it has all worked out for the BEST. So grateful after a year and a half gone to get to savor the last part of high school with the Pelican Child. Also, must say, for some people location really CAN make a big difference.
The first college acceptance rolled in today. I suspect there will be others.
Life rolls on, it’s a learning experience, roll with it. Kudos to you for “intervening” on your own behalf!
So I’m sorry to jump in the conversation late, but I came across your thread and thought that I just had to give you some advice that a very wise person gave me when I was in a very similar situation.
First of all, I know exactly how it feels to be depressed, full of anxiety and like you don’t really have any genuine friends or joy in your life. It’s grueling, dark and an emotional state that can be so hard to see beyond. It is truly something that cannot be put into word completely and so many people just have no idea how miserable it is.
Secondly, Katherine, I wanted to tell you that you can make it through this. It sounds to me like a large portion of how unhappy you are is due to very bad situations with your roommate and friends. Toxic and unhealthy relationships with your friends can be so detrimental to your wellbeing and can sabotage everything that is good in your life, including your mental sharpness and grades. I was quite recently in a situation that I think you are in as well, even though you haven’t specifically said so. Do not let the “so called good friends you have” or a recent event, fight or disagreement make you feel like you have to flee the place you are at. I think that, if you decide to return to your school after the well needed break that you are on, you should ask your guidance counselors or dorm leaders if you can have a different roommate or even move to a different dorm if at all possible. The next part would be to find uplifting and positive friends to spend your time with. Stay away from the people who are negative and try to bring you down, who do drugs or party. I know that this sounds like every parents basic lecture but trust me, this will give you the right foundation to having a good and successful end go the year, even for the next year. Personally, I think that you still have hope at your current boarding school, it’s just a matter of seeking it out and grasping it. I recommend getting out of any classes that are unnecessary and that don’t make you happy and getting into classes like art, sculpture, dance, sports, debate or anything that you receive joy out of participating in. It will amaze you how much of an impact on class that helps you mind can improve your outlook and emotions. You just need to find one thing that makes you happy and pursue it, trust me, once this unfolds to you you will see such an improvement in your situation.
I think that it is an excellent start to begin seeing a therapist again. You may even ask your parents to take you to see a psychologist.
If you decide that you truly have no other option and cannot salvage your career at you current school than you have every right to go to a different one of your choice. But if you do decide to leave for good, know that this does not guarantee that you will be any happier at a different place. Often we are unhappy inside and we attribut it to our physical surroundings. Not to say that it is all just in your head and your situation at your school is perfectly fine by any means. Anyone can see that some things absolutely need fixing.
Ultimately, talk to you parents, your therapist or even a psychologist and even ask your parents to call to talk to your schools counselors and do what you know will be best for you, and only you because this is your high school career and no one but you can know how you truly feel. Follow your gut, deep down you know what to do more than anyone else does.
Good luck Katherine, I wish you all the best.