<p>...thats not one page! whats that?</p>
<p>haha.</p>
<p>lol i guess i'll repost it...i didn't know whether it was a good idea</p>
<p>Someone once told me that finding the right college is much like finding Mr. Right. After a summer of dating around with other colleges, I realized that Penn was my true match.</p>
<p>Let me start from the beginning. My relationship with Penn was not love at first sight. When we first met in April last year at Asia Day sponsored by the college, the dreary, cloudy sky gave a gray tone to everything on campus the trees, the grass, even some of the people. Meanwhile I was just recovering from a cold and was fatigued from the long freezing walk from 30th Station. After my brief visit, my only thought was that I wished Penn were closer to the train station. </p>
<pre><code>But as the old saying goes its whats on the inside that counts, so I gave Penn another chance this summer. Expecting to find the same gray monochromatic walls, I was surprised to see color a red library building, green fields, blue signs, a bronze Benjamin Franklin, and a white broken button. More importantly I sensed a personality in Penn that matched its vibrant colors. After a quick trip down Locust Walk, I emerged with the most unique collection of flyers: Jewish clubs, food clubs, Asian clubs, art groups etc. The millions of activities reflected Penns diversity and its student bodys broad range of interests. I had an urge to join not only CSA and Knitting Club, clubs that I have had experience with, but also activities that I have never tried, like karate and ballroom dancing. At that moment, I developed a crush on Penn.
A good relationship takes trust and commitment. Coming from a small high school, I am glad that Penn has an advising system for undergraduates that I can count on for support and guidance. Although Penn is a huge school, I know that because Penn cares for each student, my voice will be heard.
Like a life partner, Penn will help me grow as a person both emotionally and intellectually. Its location in Philadelphia gives me both a sense of comfort and adventure. Even though Ive always lived and liked living in the suburbs, I want to expand my horizons and experience the excitement of city life. At Penn, I would be close enough to home to feel secure but far enough to be independent. Basking in the rich diverse atmosphere at Penn, I will try new things and gain new knowledge and perspective. On an academic level, Penn offers exactly what I desire. I am particularly interested in the Jerome Fisher Joint Degree Program. I have always loved science, especially physics, and math, but I also want to be a leader. Prominent Asian women in business and science are scarce, but I think with the right business and people skills I can do much. Degrees in either or both science and business provide me with great flexibility. As of now, I am still undecided about my concentration but because Penn has such a variety of classes, I will be free to explore my options. But no matter what I choose to do in the future, basic business and technology skills will definitely be an asset. Besides the Jerome Fisher Program, Penn also has organizations like WISP (Women Interested in the Study of Physics) where faculty and fellow students promote and support females pursuing science at Penn. With so many opportunities and support, I will be able to grow into a successful person.
But relationships are two-way lanes. While the university offers me much, I can also contribute to Penn. I want to be more than one of those Ivy League students with perfect grades that Asian parents brag about at Christmas dinner. I want to stand out and make my voice heard at Penn whether it is through engaging in student government or establishing service projects. My background and history as an Asian immigrant, along with my own personality set me apart from others and give me a unique voice and perspective that I hope will be woven into the colorful diversity that makes up Penn.
</code></pre>
<p>So in conclusion, University of Pennsylvania, will you marry me?</p>
<p>bobbobbob: i extended the margins =]]]]</p>
<p>awww :)
the creativity definitely works there
anyone else wanna share? (please?)</p>
<p>get rid of the 'in conclusion' part, that's how third graders end their papers. but the 'will you marry me' is great! and you've certainly shown very well the unique aspects of both penn and yourself that make you perfect for each other. it's hard to see them turning this down.</p>
<p>Joyx,</p>
<p>Great job!</p>
<p>i agree the "in conclusion" was overrated...
the parts i am most proud of in my essay were my brutal honesty and its simplicity. and it got me in =] so i guess just be real. haha in fact my bf's name is PENN (his parents named him after the state). btw merry christmas!!</p>
<p>p.s. if u wanna be really passionate, down a glass or two of wine and start writing ;) ...(don't get smashed)</p>
<p>My essay is kind of like Joy's. I started and closed with an attention getting device and the middle is straight forward. </p>
<p>I had 2-3 main paragraphs. Basically, they covered why Wharton is great, specific clubs I want to do, and Penn's environment. </p>
<p>There's definitely room for creativity. Just because the essay prompt seems plain, you can still incorporate personal flare.</p>
<p>Reading your essay makes me wanna marry YOU, joyx905!!! Just kidding. But I love your essay.</p>
<p>I find this somewhat gimmicky.... do admissions people actually go for this type of stuff? I have been killing myself trying to stay away from the cheesy analogies and ploys.</p>
<p>I don't think cheesy is a bad thing... I think it's kind of cute!</p>
<p>I guess Joy is assuming Upenn is masculine. :wink:</p>
<p>lol well i don't swing the other way so...</p>
<p>i think it's certainly not bad to do an analogy but u shouldn't bend over back to make it work or use a really complicated analogy. i think a simple and original analogy is ok. i mean i got in so u can't say they hate this stuff. =]] im sure ppl have gotten in without a gimmick but it certainly catches the admission officer's eye.</p>
<p>I have come to another fork in the road on my journey through life. Two paths lie before me as I contemplate which one to travel. Do I follow the path taken by most people, or shall I embark on the path taken by few? I glance down the popular path, wondering if I am making the right choice. After gathering my thoughts, I turn towards the uncharted road. I take a step forward, leaving a footprint for others to follow. I follow my instincts as I choose to begin the latter part of my life at the University of Pennsylvania.</p>
<p>The University of Pennsylvania is a place of opportunities. The education provided by Penn will open up a world in which I can explore. Through the renowned programs in biology and other areas of study, I will be able to pursue my goal to give back to society. Whether my career involves being a teacher or studying in the field of medicine, my knowledge will shed light upon those people who may call for my abilities. Penn will allow me to study in an area that can benefit society, and to share my knowledge with future generations. By choosing the University of Pennsylvania, I will expose myself to a diverse environment. The knowledge gained from others will help me understand society as a whole. Moreover, my passion for learning will further enhance Penns atmosphere. Whether my presence involves being a tutor or a friend, I will devote myself to people who may call for me. After thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead, I realize that I have chosen the correct path.</p>
<p>The choice that I have made marks the beginning of a new course. Wherever the path may lead, I will follow. I look back at the footprints I have made previously on the other paths I have taken. The time has come to make new ones at the University of Pennsylvania. While the road ahead holds no promises, I will continue to journey my way to the end. People may choose the other road, but as Robert Frost once wrote, Two roads diverged in a wood, and II took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.</p>
<p>that's my why penn essay...wrote it in an hour and a half, and i got in.</p>
<p>it's wonderful... I can see why :)</p>
<p>The sound pierced the air and shattered any trace of silence in the room. Glass crumbled around my feet and scattered across the floor as I dove for cover. The room was in frenzy. The roaring of alarms and the screams of people provided the soundtrack to the pandemonium inside. </p>
<p>The scene took me by surprise. One minute, I was on the phone with a client; the next minute, I was in fetal position under my desk. I thought to myself, Am I hallucinating? Trapped in a state of oblivion, I crawled out from under the desk and peered over my cup of coffee. The smell of French vanilla served as a temporary hiatus from reality. </p>
<p>Vacation time was over. A fist pulverized the coffee mug in an instant. I flew back onto the floor with cappuccino stains on my new tie. Get up, the voice declared. Completely paralyzed in the moment, I somehow managed to find my feet and rise to the occasion. Give me the keys, the brute man said monotonously. </p>
<p>What keys? I staggered back, flinching at every blink of the eye. His eyes seemed to lunge out of their sockets and strangle me. I could not breathe. Time was running out. </p>
<p>Do not play dumb with me. His words hung over my head like the sword of Damocles. I knew I was doomed. Never before had I been frightened to the point of wishing I wore a diaper. I want the keys to the vault. The weight of the keys in my pocket seemed to increase after his demand. I knew what he was planning. I had to act fast. My eyes wandered off and eventually met the mans eyes. I shuddered at the thought of the mans plan. </p>
<p>Look! I pointed behind him and his eyes followed on instinct. In the midst of his confusion, I clenched the keyboard and swung at the mans face. I caught him off guard as he collapsed to the marble floor. I made for the door, keys in my hand, fueled by adrenaline. With freedom within reach, I ventured upon broken glass, and gravity pulled me back down to the floors embrace. I lost my balance, and with that, I lost the keys.</p>
<p>but thats my page 217 essay</p>
<p>cdeitz60:
Wow, your page 217 essay is very nicely written and really grips the reader, but I can't really tell what it's supposed to say about you. Is your dream to become a bank executive or something?</p>
<p>Also, no offense, but I thought it was kinda funny that on your 'why penn' essay, you could practically replace "University of Pennsylvania" with just about any top tier college and the essay would still basically make sense. It's as if you wrote a general 'why this college' essay had you not been accepted to penn =)</p>
<p>my page 217 essay...i dont even know. haha really i was just making a suspense story that could happen in the future. i just wanted to have fun with it and not have it be boring or cliche. i know it doesnt show much about me in a sense of what i plan on being...but i just wanted to show that i can be creative and was able to build up tension through words and kinda just tell a story i guess. </p>
<p>but yeah...i was planning on using my why penn essay...for other colleges...if not accepted.</p>
<p>cdeitz...I don't think your essays were what got you in, lol, no offense, but they seemed rather generic and looked like a paper you would write the night before English class or something. Congrats on getting in though! Hopefully my deferral will reverse and I'll see ya on orientation</p>