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<p>Prompt: Should originality always be more highly praised than conformity?</p>

<p>Originality means progress. When doing something unique and different from others, we make new discoveries. Several examples from history and literature clearly demonstrate that originality brings us progress and development. In all case of Henry Matisse, Galileo Galilei, and John of Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, their originality held very significant meaning that could change the whole society. Thus, originality should be more highly praised than conformity.</p>

<p>First, consider case of a famous French painter Henry Matisse. Matisse was one of the pioneers of an artistic movement called impressionism. However, when he was alive he was poor and destitute. People of his time did not pay much attention to Matisse’s innovative art works; they thought his works are either weird or too simple to be regarded as masterpieces. However, several decade later people started to appreciate his innovative works and called him the “father of Impressionism.” Although his originality and innovation was not recognized at his time, Matisse certainly made a progress in the field of art and should be praised highly.</p>

<p>Not only in the field of art, but also in the field of science, did originality bring profound discoveries and scientific developments. Consider case of Galileo. Until Galileo proposed the idea that sun is center of the universe and earth rotates around it, everyone believed that the Earth is center of the universe and other planets revolve around the Earth. We now know that Galileo is right but at his time people rejected his idea and even called him an iconoclast. Later another scientist named Copernicus succeeded Galileo and proved his idea to be right. Thanks to Galileo’s originality, people came to know the truth that the sun is center of universe. This is an important progress in the field of science and astronomy that influences us until now.</p>

<p>At last, but not least, the value of originality can also be found in literary works. In Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, John is the only one who has experienced the life of real human being. Thus, believing that every other people around him is living meaningless and inhumane life, John tries to inform people that the World State is wrong and they are being controlled by the state. However, people just believe John is crazy or “savage” and disregards his opinions. Finally, John dies alone. Had the people paid more attention to John’s original ideas, had they praised originality more highly, they would have escaped evil hands of the World State and pursued real happiness.</p>

<p>In conclusion, after a careful analysis of Henry Matisse, Galileo Galilei, and John of Brave New World, originality indeed holds value that can change the whole society and bring progress. Without innovative ideas of Matisse, there would be no movement called impressionism; without original thoughts of Galileo, people would still believe that earth is the center of the universe. Originality is a key to a progress and better society. We should praise originality more, not reject it.</p>

<p>Thank you!!</p>

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<p>This essay is definitely better than your previous one. Your examples and structure are noticeably better. In addition, your essay is now at the appropriate length. Kudos to you for showing big improvements so fast. However, your English skills are still holding your essay back (obvious grammar errors, missing articles, wordiness, diction imperfections and somewhat awkward sentences). I believe you have the foundation for a top scoring essay, but not the necessary English skills. I suggest practicing the grammar questions on the SAT to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the common grammatical errors people make. </p>

<p>Overall, this is a good essay. I believe this would get you a 9/12 or so.</p>

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<p>“Thus, originality should be more highly praised than conformity.”-I don’t really like this thesis… you don’t answer the WHY part of the question . </p>

<p>Yet, I am really pleased to read your essay. Your conclusion was strong, but maybe a little too much? Try to make it a bit shorter to have more room for analysis in your body paragraphs.</p>

<p>Nevertheless, spectacular examples, and I really liked the essay…</p>

<p>With that being said I disagree with the above poster. This is definitely a 10.maybe even an 11?</p>

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<p>Good. Next time, if they ask you a yes/no / this/that question, be sure to also answer why and give out maybe one broad general/overreaching statement. Otherwise, though, this is pretty… decent. </p>

<p>Your examples are great and really pertain to your argument.</p>

<p>There are a couple of grammatical errors here and there, so try to clean those up. The scorer may be inclined to give you a lower score because of them. Note that this won’t be the sole factor for a low essay score, but it may be a contributing part of their reason.</p>

<p>Maybe it’s just me, but don’t start your conclusion with “In conclusion” or “In summary.” It just sounds… childish? Come up with something more interesting :slight_smile: Though, this is just an issue with me really.</p>

<p>Good conclusion, and very solid essay, however.</p>

<p>I’d give it… a 9-10.</p>

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<p>It’s a pretty coherent and well built essay. Should get a 10. :)</p>

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<p>I would say this can get at least a 11! If you trim the first and the last paragraph a little bit and add a bit more analysis, it will get a 12!</p>