Urgent! Please help grade essay!

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<p>It'd be really appreciated! This is my first essay, and I timed myself and could only think of two examples- thats why its pretty short. I also ran out of time and could not write a conclusion. Roughly what score would this get?</p>

<p>PROMPT:
Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge- even if they are experts or leaders in their fields- makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.
Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>ESSAY:
It is absolutely appropriate to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority because one will never know if they are wrong. Several examples from literary works and current events clearly demonstrate that challenging authority is beneficial to both sides and can put an end to wrong actions.
In the novel Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golde, Chiyo, an apprentice geisha, challenges toe authority of Mameha, her experienced geisha mentor. Mameha wishes to accept Nobu's offer to be Chiyo's danna, which is a formal relationship with economic benefits. Chiyo has feelings for the "Chairman" and therefore despises the notion. Chiyo, having remained obedient throughout her training, decides to objec, and though it is with difficulty, Mameha respects her choice. In the end, the effort pays off and she becomes danna to the "Chairman."
As shown by the Olympic athlete,s challenging those in charge is not a bad thing. In fencing, a Korean fencer hits her opponent, but the point is given to the other side- the sensor did not pick up her contact. Instead of assuming that she had not hit her opponent, she asked the judges to review the video and requested a judging again. The judges took her appeal and reversed the score. Though it may seem trivial, every point is very important in athletic games, and the judges were probably happy to know that they did not accidentally give away points that were rightfully someone else's. Challenging authority has benefits for both sides and it can be seen in this example.</p>

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<p>First of all, I don’t think the grading of your essay is very urgent. Not to act pretentious or anything, but it really isn’t…</p>

<p>You start off with a very extreme position. That’s totally fine if you can justify it; but you end up justifying only that challenging authority is sometimes useful. and btw challenging authority isn’t always beneficial to both sides. think french revolution. i don’t think it was very beneficial to Louis XVI.
Your first example is confusing. I can barely follow it, and I don’t really think I understand it. I’m sure it illustrates your point well, but it doesn’t do that for me because I don’t understand your description of the novel. What’s a geisha? what chairman?
Second example is fine, more details though. what year olympics? was it the finals? (these seem like trivial details but they are score boosters) also, just saying, on the contrary, some judges are not very happy at being proven wrong. The last sentence is clearly meant to try to relate back to the thesis–so clearly that it’s obvious that it’s forced. It’s also sort of trite.
No conclusion, so nothing to say.</p>

<p>Not bad for a first essay; my first one was probably worse. Your examples are not the strongest you could give–try historical? (french rev, american rev, russian rev?)
5-7/12.</p>

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<p>Well thats a good place to start. Thanks!</p>

<p>Would you recommend not using the Geisha novel in any future examples? I feel like explaining would take a whole lot of time.</p>