Can Someone Please Rate my SAT Essay?

<p>Prompt:
Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary for any group or organisation to function, questioning the people in charge-even if they are experts or leaders in their fields-makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of the people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience or observations.</p>

<p>Response: </p>

<p>A country consists of authority. A good and developed country include citizens' opinion on the choices that the authority make. As a responsible citizen, one should voice out their opinion and question the decisions made by the authority.</p>

<p>We, humans, should not be a bobble head doll which only shakes its head when pressure is given. We should voice out our views so that a probable path to a better future will appear. As an example, during the 1800s, women in India were considered a material that delivers a child to a man. Some families even kill a newborn female because they find it embarassing to have a baby girl. These actions were caused by an unstable authority that claims that men are superior to women.</p>

<p>When a man called Gandhi stood up for women's rights, everybody was astonished. How can a man be against the authority, they wondered. Mahatma Gandhi fought for women's rights until women were treated as equal as men. If he had not sound out his view, which was "women are also created as equally as men by God", women in India would still be inferior to men.</p>

<p>Other than that, personally, I have questioned the authority about a school's poor educational system. The educational system. The educational system in a rural school emphasised more on discipline. Moreover, it was not discipline in studies, but it was training the school's students to be socially more discipline. There is nothing wrong with this, but the school's authority does not push students to excel in their studies. Smart students will scarcely get recognition by teacher. So a group of students together with me, did a petition that the school should be more educational in studies. Today, the school is one of the top school in the country.</p>

<p>In a a nutshell, there is no wrong if we question the authority, but we have to be rational and think about the consequences that will affect many. Democracy is a great way to create great and successful individuals.</p>

<p>4/6
There are several grammar mistakes
The essay seems short
This in particular is badly phrased
a group of students together with me, did a petition that the school should be more educational in studies. Today, the school is one of the top school in the country.
Your introduction was really good however your first example was not good enough please explain next time why Gandhi fighting for women’s right is a good thing.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean that women did not deserve equality but the thing is in your essay you never showed
Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of the people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>this answer is extremely lacking please give a better conclusion</p>

<p>If he had not sound out his view, which was “women are also created as equally as men by God”, women in India would still be inferior to men. </p>

<p>Hope this helps</p>

<p>Thank you so much for your honest response. This is my first time writing an SAT essay within the time limit and I’m taking the SAT this month! I’m so freaked out. Anyway, I really appreciate your response. :)</p>

<p>Some of your ideas have life but this is a three because it doesn’t show that you have control over language.</p>

<p>Take a look at this:</p>

<p>school’s poor educational system. The educational system. The educational system in a rural school</p>

<p>Also, indefinite pronouns and empty verbs serve only to take up space, and too many of them appear in this paper.</p>

<p>Correct grammar isn’t the most important aspect of the essay but as mentioned above some of your phrasings are awkward to say the least.</p>

<p>I’d use more sentence variation.</p>

<p>@jkjeremy @raiizs thanks for your reply :)</p>