The first time we took a trip without our kids, it was very very weird. Like I had left the iron on. They were in their 20’s. My family has a summer cottage that is 12 hrs from us, and when the children were small we did it in a single day because DH had so little time off. As they grew, we took spring break trips together with great success, so we have lots of positive trip experience but nothing fancy.
So now, it’s practically impossible to find time to do this together. We have twice successfully rented a beach place for a long weekend, and got everyone there. It was wonderful. And twice last year, my oldest took us – first DH, then me — on business trips with him. I think the more you can manage shared experiences, the better you grow as a family.
We still travel with our kids - youngest 2 are in college and the others are launched. Typically we travel over winter break. Older kids don’t always come for the whole trip but if it’s something more exotic they do. H and I love having the whole family together and are happy to pay. H and I also travel just the two of us or with fiends.
I hope my kids always want to travel with us- they are a lot of fun!
I was raised to believe that our summer vacation on Cape Cod was the only reason to live. I sort of carried that attitude towards vacations with my three kids when they were little, and we took a summer vacation every year, even if it meant camping.
As I had a job which required mega travel for years, I’ve had a bank of a zillion frequent flier miles for the majority of my youngest’s life. My two oldest kids have an intense love for travel now and that is how all of their free time and extra money is spent. My youngest professes to hate long distance travel, but that appears to have more to do with sitting on a plane for too long than anything else.
Since my oldest became a busy adult, we have resorted to bribery to get him (and now my adult daughter) to join us on vacation. We choose an awesome location, rent a big place and allow them to bring significant others. They haven’t missed one yet.
I am also not beneath bribing them one at a time. I usually have a trip with at least one of them on the books at any given time. Oldest son loves to golf; daughter is a real foodie and loves anyplace exotic. Youngest would rather drink paint than go anywhere with me alone, but we’re working on that. They have all been on trips with their father alone, too, usually to a place of their choosing. We have them convinced this is a gift we are giving them. He he. It is totally for our behalf and they have no clue. We’re good at this.
Unknown if youngest will be as susceptible to these bribes as his sibs . He has proven to be the odd-man-out in so many ways. He loves being with his sibs. He seems pretty willing to spend zero time with his parents. May mature out of that, especially when a villa on the Amalfi Coast is waiting for him. He isn’t made of stone (we think).
We are not extravagant people, but one thing we have no problem spending $ on is travel. It has had a tremendous impact on my kids. They fear little, are very aware of and engaged in international affairs and know that every airport in the world works the same way, so no reason to be intimidated.
I can’t cook to save my life, but I can figure out a subway anywhere in the world. And that confidence is what I want for my kids.
We are planning a doing break trip to Captiva in the late spring. And we are offering our college sophomore the ability to bring a couple of friends. They’ll have their own rooms/space in a rental home. We will be paying for all of them. It’s last gasp at the family vacation and letting them have some fun separately. They went on a service trip last year and want to get warm but have no desire to go to typical spring break. So we’ll see what happens.
My wife has already booked some other travel for us alone for next year. She feels it’s important like @ChoatieMom says to have different types of vacations. It will be the first in a long time that aren’t work related events.
Now that the oldest is graduating and getting married and the other two have internships, study abroad and other programs it’s really hard to find a time when they are all free. We started renting a beach house over new years week a few years ago and the kids could bring a friend or significant other. We’re skipping the beach this year for DD’s out of town New Years Day wedding but plan to pick it up again next year.
Next Fall will be our first sabbatical trip without the kids so that will be strange. In the past our trips have always been for Scouts (Sea Base, camping …) , Disney type trips or educational to go along with our home school studies. Now it’s time for us to do what we want to do. We are taking a 2 month cross county plus Canadian Rockies train trip. We’ll stop to see the boys on the last segment of the trip and hope DD and her DH will join use for that weekend.
We love traveling with our kids, and have taken them all over (probably at the expense of saving more money for college, LOL). I would love to continue this tradition next year when my d20 begins college, but once we’re on the hook for her college tuition, there will be no money for vacations for any of us for quite some time.
We have enjoyed vacations with our kids from a young age where we have enjoyed skiing, sailing, scuba diving, zip lining, and hiking together. It’s harder now with S a senior in college and D a sophomore in HS. Our vacations are now shorter to accommodate summer internships and pre-collegiate programs. We can still fit in 2 weeks together in summers and have shifted to include traveling over Christmas (something we never did when they were younger). I know that someday S or D will not be able to attend, but until then we’ll continue having great adventures.
We are a smaller, very close family and when a sibling has not been available to travel with the rest of us, they have been sorely missed. The missing sibling has also lamented not being able to join the group. We will continue to include them as able, because honestly it won’t be as much fun without them
We are taking a vacation in Jan to ski/snowboard and are taking S17 and his gf. We are not taking D15 for many reasons. She is the vacation destroyer. Her mental illness has ruined more than one family vacation and has been the reason that we have had less of them than I would have liked. Last year we went skiing/snowboarding with S17, his gf and D15. Had a great time with S17 and gf but husband and I ended up leaving early with D. S and gf had a great time in the big condo we rented by themselves for the rest of the holiday! So this year we are getting around the problem. It will be nice. S and I have gone on weekend trips together without husband and D to see things of interest to the two of us and that has been really nice.
I can see us going on some trips with S (and gf if she stays in the picture) because we all get along really well. I think our days of travelling with D15 are over.
I wonder if this is a recent phenomenon because neither H and I or our siblings traveled with our parents as adults and we were very close to our parents…
@cypresspat You bribe your kids to come on vacation? Wow, that would not work with my kids at all. They like H and I, but that would be way too much for them. That said, to each their own!
Ages and stages. Before kid we used to go on week long trips including out of country (this hemiaphere). Then, when son was young (before and during elementary school) we would do a week when H had the annual conference that often included one of the Disneys (either coast), plus other trips. Stopped family vacations (only three of us) when son was a teen and refused to get out of the car at a park north of San Francisco (noticed other teens in their cars as well). Life with a disinterested/sullen teen is not worth a vacation.
One college spring break son spent several days with HS friends at an area indoor water park. He had refused to visit Harvard when he and his dad did an east coast college search- MIT but not a nearby school, sigh. H and I did a road trip the fall of his freshman year in college (not east coast)- WE saw that campus.
Rediscovered the joys of travel as a couple. Now our trips often include a visit to son’s NW city to see son a bit and enjoy the cooler weather in summer and he may visit us when the weather here improves- retired to Tampa. Different when your child has been working long enough to be able to afford his own trips. Now we buy tickets for H’s mother to visit us (she lives with her D) instead of for our child.
It was strange a year or two ago when son treated me to lunch instead of my treating him. That’s when you know your kid is grown up, at least financially.
Your kids will be doing different things at different times…we went on vacation without the college kid…but then I tried to do something with them another time.
Do try to do a vacation when they are on break at some point.
@mountainsoul it might be! My father and mother went to Mexico by themselves when my sister was newly engaged and I was finishing up college. They were saving up to go to Europe, but sadly my father passed away. Later on, when my mom remarried my stepdad they traveled quite a bit and even after my mom died, my stepdad still travels with a very nice lady friend of his. Though he doesn’t travel internationally anymore. H’s parents both loved to travel as well. And my FIL continued to do group tours after my MIL passed away. They did all these without their adult children. Funny, how things change or are different from family to family.
I traveled with my father throughout my life. We enjoyed many of the same activities (many of which my mother hated!), and for much of my young adult life, I was able to do things with him that I could not have afforded on my own. (Lots of skiing!) At least in my case, intergenerational travel is not a new concept.
After I was married and had a kid, he tagged along on our adventures, much to our delight. I suppose it depends on the person, but my dad was a very fun guy and we always felt pretty lucky to get time with him - the competition was stiff!
@natty1988 i never traveled with my parents as an adult but then we never traveled much when i was younger, either. We did some road trips when i was a small kid but then my parents split up and times got tough and my only “vacation” was going to the non custodial parent in a different city. So what we do with our kids is totally unrelated to my own experience growing up, for which I’m very thankful. I love travel, would much rather spend money on experiencing things and different places than on “stuff”, and we have spent a lot of time traveling locally and globally with our kids, and i will do it as long as they want to come with hubby and i will have plenty of time to travel alone when we are retired and our kids are working anyway, so i don’t see it as an either-or. In any case, with a D26, it will be a while before we can travel totally without kids anyway.
My sister just called me to let know we should reserve Memorial Day week going forward as the family vacation week (we have been picking a week that would suit everyone and it has been hard). She is suggesting we always go to the same place, like CLub Med Cancun, because it is easy to get to and it’s all inclusive with a lot of activities. She said people should come if it works for them (and our kids know it’s really not optional).
My kids used to complain about a lot of family stuff I made them do growing up (I would say, “Just suck it up. We are all going.”). Recently they told me they are glad that I insisted on their participations because now they have very close relationship with their cousins. Now they are all young adults, they enjoy getting together every year.
@natty1988 We don’t literally bribe them to go on vacation with us. We just choose very enticing locations which we know they can’t resist. And neither can we.
More than them wanting to go, what about you dealing with extra expenses and planning, specially if you are paying high college bills and aren’t wealthy?
You love them and don’t want to go without them but it can add stress and kill your retirement funding.
