You can have inexpensive family vacations - rent a house at a close by beach/lake/mountain. I think what’s important is family time and to share some activities together.
We were first generation immigrants with very little disposable income. My father used to take us camping every weekend. We took cross country trips to visit Grand Canyon, Florida, CA, Las Vegas…(I haven’t recovered from sleeping on the ground), but we spent a lot of time together.
If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. Not sure I see the problem.
Your original question was, does it feels weird to exclude your young adult children from vacations? I’d imagine that if you vacationed periodically without kids in the past as some of my friends do, it would feel less “weird” not to include them once they hit college. To me it felt “weird” to bring my babies home from the hospital the first time and weirder still the day we moved them into their first college dorm… change fells weird but it’s all part of life.
As has been pointed out, you can always do vacations on the cheaper side. If your kiddo is going away to school they’d have the expense of traveling home for breaks anyway, it could cost the same or even less in travel expenses for them to travel from school to your vacation destination. You’ll have to feed them no matter where they are. Get lodging that you can share, bonus if it has a kitchen (someplace like Homewood Suites or an Air BnB) so you can all save on meals or stay free with family. Visit parks and museums, many art and science museums and botanical gardens have reciprocal membership agreements, use Groupons for local attractions. For foreign travel I have friend that belongs to an international house swapping program and travels with her family on FF miles. Pick a country with a favorable exchange rate so your money goes farther. I know many families that have meet up with their college kids while they were doing a study aboard program so the only additional expenses where those of the parents.
If family travel is a priority for you then you can make it work if you want to. It’s all about choices and priorities, frankly if spending a few extra bucks to bring our kids along on a vacation would put us in jeopardy of “killing our retirement funding” I’d rethink how much we could really afford to contribute to college expenses.
@SJ2727 Same with me growing up. We took vacations, but they were of the station wagon variety. That said, we went to to some neat places.
When our kids were growing up, we traveled a lot with them. And apart from a few trips (business, H going camping, me chaperoning trips at the school I worked at, kids going on school trips, me visiting my sister one year by myself, H and I going to Paris and my sister taking D and her brother to NYC), we always traveled with our kids…
That’s changed now, but then again D wants to go some places that H and I have no interest in. And she also likes to travel by herself sometimes…
I"m glad that issues of expense have been raised. A thread like this may feel alienating to some, who don’t generally take vacations, period. Threads like these are sometimes a window onto the economic status of posters (also love the ones about how to spend one’s retirement.) It’s fine and enjoyable but I just think everyone should be aware, just as wealthier students on campuses have to be careful not to ask their friend on financial aid to go to Europe on break!
Growing up we couldn’t afford to go anywhere for a vacation. When my father had his we got roped into helping with his home maintenance projects. Weekends were day trips to nearby parks or relatives. As a parent we had the problem of only one kid so he had to spend all of his time with us. It would have been different if he had someone close to his age.
I can only remember maybe two trips as a child when I traveled with my family—both to neighbor islands.
In college, my folks would let us know if they’d be in SF or somewhere “near” my campus and if I wanted to meet them I had to figure out how to get there. Once we were in the same place, I’d eat with them and if staying awhile would sleep on the floor of their room.
The folks did this with my sibs as well.
With our “kids,” we would ask them whether they’d like to join us or have us meet them at their college. When S graduated from college, we all had a nice family trip—caught AmTrak from LA to Seattle, then stayed and explored Seattle, rented a car and drove back south, stopping to visit national parks and loved ones. It was a lovely 3 weeks.
We have invited “kids” (currently 32 & 30 yrs old) since to join us for any vacations when schedules and desire permit. They’ve met up with us in SF several times (have relatives there). In our last multi-city trip, met S in his city and then D in SF (even saw Hamilton together in SF.) We have flown to spend time with them in their respective cities as well.
I am in the process of planning a trip with them this April/May for several weeks in Europe. We are all looking forward to it. Have not worked out details but we are all blocking out our calendars. We plan to pay everything but want the kids to help us plan.
Thus far, neither of our kids have taken us up on offer to bring along a friend or significant other on any trip.
I’m not sure what your age is, but I’m 50 and have traveled with my parents as an adult a lot.
I actually didn’t travel with my Mom a lot when I was younger because she was a single parent just trying to make ends meet, but she sent me along with the grandparents all the time when they went on trips. When my mom was in her 40’s and I was in my 20’s she was remarried and they had timeshares all over, so we (my siblings and spouses) would go with them on trips. It’s actually more that we all meet up at places as we’re from different parts of the country.
My first time on an airplane was at 19 to go to USMC officer candidates school in Virginia.
Our family trips were awesome though. Everyone stuffed into the car and up north a few hours to the Shang-ri-la motor inn near Lake winnepsauke in New Hampshire. It has an indoor pool and that was enough! I still recall the fogged up windows from the cold outside.
Grandparents came. They never even owned a car. Not kidding.
We did purposely plan and take two trips with my folks who really need someone to safely travel with—about 4 years ago. It started off with my brother and his wife taking my folks on a Mediterranean cruise.
Later that same year, one trip was H, me, my sister, BIL and teen nephew and my folks. We went to Mt Rushmore & Yellowstone. It was lovely but tiring—no direct flights and altitudes were tough for me and dad. My kids weren’t available. We rented 2 cars and the folks took turns having one ride in each car.
One trip was to SF for the SF Opera—my “kids” flew in and joined us with my folks, my aunt, and aunt’s friends. We offered to get our kids a 2nd room but they declined and said there was plenty of room for the 4 of us, so we shared a room; my folks of course had their own room.
My sisters and their spouses took my folks to cold Cincinnati to see a Bengals game and sit in the sky box later that year. It was a very busy travel year for the folks and they’ve not traveled since—very disorienting and exhausting for them.
So Junior and Senior in college now Pro Hint : Go on any vacation now with your kids that they will still go on with you!! My kids didn’t want to do anymore family trips. They have been very lucky and are both great travelers. So 2 years ago wanted to do a family trip and they said no. We told them we are going to Iceland then Germany. They both said this would be the last trip… Lol… Then we went to New York during their winter breaks and they said “that” would be their last family trip… Haha.
LOL… But then my son had to go to a tech conference in California and my daughter wanted to go hiking in California so they went to each other’s adventures together. Themselves. They had so much fun and became pretty close. They are like exact opposites. My son didn’t have an issue sleeping in a youth hostel since that is how my daughter travels. It actually got him ready for his study abroad. Guess who arranged for youth hostels when his group left their base to do a weekend travel excursion? ?.
My daughter has traveled over seas to Southeast Asia for school and was thrilled to end her travels when my wife went to meet her and explore for a week.
We are seeing if my son wants to go to Nashville during his winter break to escape the winter cold.
So if they can we don’t see an issue but soon enough they will have their own lives so…
Get it while you can.
There’s a gap of 5 grades between my oldest and middle kids and once college for the oldest started they never had the same spring break any more so we’ve done a couple of trips as a family of 4 rather than 5. She also opted out of 2 of the 4 summer vacations during that time (the less exciting 2, go figure 
). It was a little weird the first time although we’d gotten used to her being away at school by that point in the year so not that strange. The funniest part now is that I sometimes forget that she didn’t go to Mexico with us and I’ll occasionally bring up ‘that time we got stuck on the highway in Mexico…’ and she has to remind me rather grouchily that we all went without her and she’s still never been to Mexico.
Going back to whoever brought up skiing - my oldest actually hates skiing so that doesn’t work for family bonding any more. The older I get the more indifferent I’m getting to it… I like doing it when I’m there but I really hate the prep work of getting all of the gear together.
Our most recent family trip (this past summer) was kind of unsuccessful and it left us feeling like the days of dragging everyone to the same destination might be numbered. Our kids have very different interests any more… they used to be great travelers when they were younger but now I would say only 1 of the three is truly game for anything. I just went on a trip with a group of girlfriends to Cambodia last month and that was really fun - I would love to do more of that sort of traveling (going with other friends with or without my husband).
This is another reason I don’t plan family vacations anymore. The younger two children get along wonderfully but there is noticeable tension when the eldest is added to the mix. She is unhappy (and makes everyone else unhappy too) if she isn’t the center of attention. I had to beg her to go on a family trip to NYC to celebrate her own birthday. She went but was sullen and distant the entire time.
We do often take long ski weekends because they’re easy to plan since everyone knows how to ski and we can enjoy world-class skiing within a two hour drive of our house. Recently, my eldest announced she doesn’t like to ski. Since then, she has gone skiing several times with her boyfriend and other friends. I have accepted that she prefers to travel without us. I don’t question it and I certainly won’t beg her to take anymore trips with us.
As far as traveling with parents: my parent dragged me all over the place as a kid. Lots of camping and road trips. The older I got, the less fun those trips became. Spending time with my parent was suffocating as had a strict upbringing and was not free to express any of my own opinions or preferences.
Now that it has been several years where son has the money to travel on his own but doesn’t go places except to visit us once a year and closer relatives weekend events I can tell he lacks the wanderlust gene. He sat around last week when visiting us- had no desire to go anywhere. OTOH H’s sister and her family were forever going places with their two kids- and even trips with young adults still in school.
addenda. Did anyone else lose the spell checker function in recent months? or the bold number showing you which page you last read on a thread? getting tired of it and know of no good thread to post this on.
@wis75 Not sure on the spellcheck but we’ve ALL been asking for the bold page # back at http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/community-forum-issues/2150459-forum-relaunch-feedback-status-update.html#latest
We live in the Midwest. Since “forever” we have spent some time at a cottage in Maine for a few weeks during the summer. Our two kids almost always spend some time with us there.
Since “forever” my DW has organized Christmas at home, and almost without fail one or both kids come home for that. In recent years, we’ve sometimes taken Christmas to other locations either within the US (e.g., SFO or New Orleans) or abroad (e.g., Spain). In recent years, we’ve also regularly joined a larger family reunion on Thanksgiving with our West Coast extended family, and our kids usually join that event. Once in a while we meet up in Chicago for a special family event.
Because our kids both live in a very large city on the East Coast, we see them there on occasion.
In my previous comment, I was referring to long-term vacation and home visits. When the kids were in college they came home for at least part of the time during almost all scheduled vacations (winter, spring, summer), except when they were enrolled in overseas programs in the UK and Italy.
We are a traveling family. The kids were in year round for elementary and middle so when D18 started high school on the regular schedule, I started taking them on separate vacations, while DH stayed home with the one in school. For D18’s first college Spring break, she only had a few days, but met DH out in Colorado for skiing. D18 also traveled with family friends to Europe in May- we were jealous. Then she had a job this summer, so I planned no big trip, couldn’t leave her because I felt guilty. This summer she isn’t working and we are going on a long vacation to a couple of places on our bucket list.
The girls say they will always travel with us and will get mad if we go somewhere great without them! The traveling has had an interesting side effect- D18 is majoring in Hospitality because she spent a lot of her life at Disney. D21 just got her first job as a ski instructor. Clearly the travel has led to interesting job choices.
For now, while they are in school, I will only plan big vacations if both can go. In the future, they will always be invited, but I do look forward to taking a vacation with just DH one day!
@jeneric youguys sound a lot like us! The girls (ages 18 and 21) are still very interested in going on our vacations. We are not ready to leave one behind yet. We either do Disney or a National Park/mountain vacation and then the constant every year is church camp. DD’19 is majoring in Recreation & Park Management, interested in working in tourism or at our church camp! This summer she wants to work in housekeeping at a hotel.
Just finished booking a June trip to WDW for the 4 of us this morning…
The first year I started going out with the woman who would become my wife, her parents organized a trip a year to someplace exotic. Their three college/adult-age children might well have chosen not to vacation with them – he was loving but a dominant character – but it was too hard to turn down vacations (condo in Maui for 2 weeks, bike trip in China, etc.). When his kids had kids, he would rent a house in Florida near the beach (for me because I didn’t like snow) and everyone would come down (not all at once). He paid for the kids and all on-the-ground expenses for partners who had to pay their own airfare only. As a consequence, we saw them a lot more than we would have (and a lot more than we saw my parents). I thought what he did was brilliant (though expensive) and I vowed to do the same thing. This year was our first attempt – with hiking in the Canadian Rockies (we paid for everything including airfare for the kids and partners).
I travel all over the world for business and ShawWife and I also travel for vacations (sometimes tagging on to the end of a business trip and sometimes I add business meetings at the beginning or end of a business trip). I’m a bit of a workaholic who takes vacations (and then often works for part of them because I can work anyplace). This past year, we took a vacation in Northern Italy (a business trip to Stockholm tacked on to the beginning), a hiking vacation in the Canadian Rockies (per above), San Francisco (mixed personal/business), Florida (personal with a bit of business thrown in), San Francisco, London (mostly for my wife’s work and some marketing for me), etc. We’ll head to Charleston for New Years. We have been pretty fortunate and so we can afford the expense.
To answer the OP, for us it is not awkward to be traveling someplace nice without our kids and was not awkward when they were in college (because travel has been a part of my life since they were little). And, as young adults, they are now traveling on their own without us (ShawD is going to Southern Spain, ShawSon to Hawaii, both are planning ski weekends).
We made a decision to take one exotic trip with our kids every year before they were of college age. As a result, they remain eager to travel with us. When they were in college, we tried to take a trip or two a year with them. We paid for everything. They didn’t have BFs and GFs who were close enough to invite along, I don’t think. They would also come home for holidays like Thanksgiving. Now both are out of college/grad school and with partners and living on the opposite coast.
The main question we will have to think about is money. Both kids with their partners have pretty decent combined incomes (and my son is worth a fair bit of money on paper as a Silicon Valley entrepreneur). At what point do I stop paying for the trips? Also, do we do what my FIL did, which is rent a house where the kids would like to be?