Hello! I’m a French student in the 11th grade. I’m mentally preparing myself for my personal essay (I’m applying for Fall 2016). I was wondering if I should write about my abusive dad and the fights between my parents. The reason why I want to write about this topic is because it has affected my grades, thus my GPA, heavily for a year and a half. My mom and I recently moved out and I got less distracted and more quiet time to study which explained the boost in my GPA. Thank you in advance for your feedbacks ! x
The essays are the place for students to portray themselves in a positive light, to write about who they are and what they are passionate about. While that must have been a terrible situation that required a lot of courage to get through, it does not really say anything about you.
I think it would be better if you could get a school counselor / guidance counselor to write a letter of recommendation in which he/she can explain those circumstances and how hard you’ve worked despite that. And if that’s not possible, there may be a supplemental or “Additional Information” section that you can put a brief explanation in.
I agree with the above post - I think that you should consider, if you write about it at all, how it made you grow as a person. Couching it only in terms of “my GPA improved because things got easier at home” seems rather trite.
If instead you address it as personal growth and learning, that would be better.
And if it would be traumatic for you to go through writing about it and asking others to read it to help you make sure your essay is as good as possible, that’s another reason to not do it. You could mention it as an ancillary factor related to another way you grew as a person, from a child to a young adult.
Do you have a teacher, mentor, or guidance counselor who you could ask about the subject? And if you couldn’t talk to someone in person about it, that would be a sign to go in a different direction IMHO - not ignore your tough family life, but not focus on it either.
Good luck, it sounds like you and your mom have taken a huge step.
I was in a similar situation and came close to writing an essay about it, but chose instead to place that information in my “Additional Information” section. My guidance counselor also included information about my home life in his letter; make sure you ask him/her to do so because it can substantiate the claims you make in the “Additional Information” section. Additionally, you’re going to want second opinions on your essay (and you should have someone proofread it!), and personally I was uncomfortable with my friends/English teacher reading about it.
@OnMyWay2013 Thank you for the reply! We don’t have school conselor in our system. Even if we did, I wouldn’t be able to tell that person what happened between my parents. My English teacher who is helping me is very supportive but I don’t feel close enough to tell him this either. Do you recommend me to tell briefly what happened, by that I mean tell him that there were fights without mentioning that they were physical ? My Chinese teacher who is quite close to me, knew that my mom ended up in a hospital once and she even mentioned it during the end of the term conference (where the teachers talk and give their opinions before completing the report cards). Should I ask her to write a letter or recommandation for me?
@rhandco Thank you for replying. So to recap what you have just said, I should not focus on this subject too much but still mention it right? I must agree with you, I can’t even talk about this topic to my friends. Do you think it is a good idea to talk about a school project I did with some classmates and my club (a group helping to improve the environment) back when I was in the 9th grade that involved building an actual wind turbine from scratch and going to the countryside to install them?
@Qwerty568 Thank you so much for your reply! I’m sorry for what you have gone through and I have a lot of empathy for you. I really do not feel comfortable sharing my personal essay with my teacher, but I just have to do it! Especially, if I’m going to mention the personnal issues that have been happening not so long ago.
Furthermore, who should I turn to to confirm my family problems?
@internationalfr The most common route is to have a guidance counselor write about it in their recommendation. How well do you know your guidance counselor? At my school, we submitted a sheet of info about ourselves to help our guidance counselors write their letter of recommendation for us; do you have a similar system? If not, could you consider doing so?
@internationalfr - You are getting some good advice here in the first 3 replies. I can understand not wanting to share your story with your teacher - especially those who you aren’t particularly close with. Here in the States, the role of the GC is generally expected to be trained how to provide assistance in situations like yours - and in abuse cases involving the child, this may require notification of authorities.
Sadly, you are not alone in this situation, and I imagine it is quite likely that someone else reading this thread will have had or be in a similar experience. If writing about this helps you deal with what you have been through, then by all means, do so. Whether you are ready or not to make the step to share what you have written, then that’s what’s right for you.
From the title of this thread, the essay itself should be a very personal topic - it is your chance to show the adcoms something about who you are, how you became who you are, and how ready you are to continue to grow as a person. You have had a lot to overcome, but it sounds like you are getting ready for the next chapter in your life. And kudos to you and your mom for taking the steps you have already done to improve your situation immensely.
My pups were fortunate to get great advice about essays from an admin officer at a selective school who is a relative. The essays she reads are all over the map - some are heartbreaking, some are dripping with cliches. It is very rare when they come across an essay on a topic that they have not seen before.
The best advice she gave our pups was “If it is important to you, then write about it, show us why. But make sure that the essay is ultimately about YOU” Writing about abuse, or a group project, the topic itself is less important than your passion/resilience/dedication/personal growth.
Since you seem closer to your Chinese teacher, and she is aware to some extent of your situation, have you considered asking her for her thoughts? Of course, I don’t know either of you, but you just might experience a huge sense of relief if you are able to share some of your experience with someone else (other than us online).
One last comment - you are very wise to begin thinking about your essay at this time - the amount of time/effort you put into it will show in your final result.