<p>I have been waitlisted at Lehigh and UMich. I drafted a letter and would like any constructive comments. I really would like to get into these colleges.
Thanks</p>
<p>As this may be my last chance to get into <strong><em>, I would like to give another reason for why I should be attending _</em></strong><strong>. In my application I wrote that I was enrolled in Senior Focus Honors. To refresh your memory(ies), Senior Focus is a year long course where a student pursues any passion they wish in a purely educational manner. During semester one, students write papers with original thesis statements. However it is during semester two where the more exciting fieldwork takes place. My overall topic was poverty in India and my paper was on a governmental approach to dealing with it. However my second semester topic was slightly different. I chose to focus on the benefits of education as the stepping-stone to reduced poverty. To achieve this, I decided to start up my own non-profit NGO. However seeing as I only had a few months, I decided to first create a business plan for it first. As of this moment, I have completed the basic infrastructure of my NGO. On May 15th I will be giving an hour-long presentation on my organization. At this rate I will be able to actually get my NGO running in a year. Now creating and running an NGO takes plenty of hard work and patience, traits that I have had to call upon and traits that will serve me well into the future. This entire project has served as a test of myself and so far a self-analysis shows that I am passing with flying colors. I hope that you, the admissions staff, also see this and accept me, for I would really like to attend _</strong>_.</p>
<p>Ummmm, I think you should have a trusted teacher read this and work with you. IMO, it's not well written and doesn't get your major points across successfully. How can you talk about running an organization when you have not yet done so?</p>
<p>Yes, definitely get a teacher to check it.</p>
<p>You should focus more on why you love Lehigh and UMich, why you will fit their idea of what a student there is, and emphasize that they are still your top choice(s?). Definitely be courteous, thank them for affording you this opportunity, and supplement it with 3rd quarter grades, additional recs, etc. </p>
<p>In particular, your extracurricular stuff will sound much better coming from a teacher or counselor. Right now not only does it sound like you are bragging, it is also unfocused and, coming from you, missing a certain credibility. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you though! Kind of late in the game, but everyone has a chance.</p>
<p>I agree with the two previous posters- this essay could use a significant amount of work. There are a few surface errrors, but more importantly the content lacks anything that "pops" out or makes you unique. </p>
<p>From what I can tell, your essay is talking about what you plan on doing based off an honors class...maybe recent achievements/grades/teacher recs would help more?</p>
<p>I think it may be a bit late for additional information. But if you should decide to contact them, I would keep it short and sweet. I would just let them know about your interim grades, new awards or EC, why you love their school, but most importantly is to tell them that you would attend if you were to get off the waitlist. Those adcom want to be finished with class of 2011 as much as you do.</p>
<p>thanks for the input guys. I am rewriting my entire letter rite now based on what u guys said. Also is it really too late? My college guidance person said that she called Lehigh last week and they said i was on their radar. She said that a letter plus another recommendation (which i am getting from my Focus Project mentor)
would greatly help. Is it rly too late for all this?</p>
<p>If you are on their radar last week then send it in asap - email, then a formal letter. They are looking at all candidates right now if their deadline was May 1. If you are welling to commit, tell them you'll definitely go if you were accepted.</p>
<p>heres a new letter. Also where should i email it to and to whom should i address it to?</p>
<p>Dear Lehigh Admissions,
I thank you for letting me have this final chance for admission into Lehigh and for keeping my name under consideration. I know that there are many students vying for a spot at Lehigh and I understand the probability of my name being selected from the list is quite slim. But I will try my best to show that I am the most qualified of those on the waitlist.
Let me reiterate my reasons for attending this prestigious institute. Lehigh is still my top choice school because of its excellence in the field of business. As I have shown in my regular application, I have great interest in business studies and I believe that Lehigh is where I can learn the most about business administration. On top of the excellent business school, I know I would also be receiving the finest general education as well. Plus I have been to Lehigh Valley many times for white-water rafting and paintball and it has always been such an exciting place, so I know that I will enjoy the surroundings as well as the school.
If you would like still like more proof of the dedicated student I, along with my teachers, believe I am then let me point out one my greatest accomplishments this year.
In my regular application, one of the courses I was taking was Senior Focus Honors. During the first semester students would write papers on various topics. In second semester students would carry out fieldwork and come up with an original theory and answer it. As a second semester student, I decided to create a not-for-profit non-governmental organization dedicated to increasing educational facilities in India in order for children to obtain a higher education and thus break the cycle of poverty. So far I have created a business plan and have finished the infrastructure of the organization. All that I require is the licensing and financial paperwork to be cleared before I can start. I want to carry this project with me into college and it seems as if Lehigh is the perfect place for me to do so. In short, I would really like to attend Lehigh and am ready to commit if accepted.</p>
<p>You're not following the advice here. You need help with this letter. Maybe post it on the essay board where people do that or ask a teacher or your counselor. And you should have the name of the person your counselor spoke to and you should also speak with them.</p>
<p>Let me be honest, do not send that letter. I honestly think it could backfire. It is not well written or thought out. You don't tell them what you bring although you say you're going to. You tell them what they can do for you.</p>
<p>It's an improvement. Still, it's obvious you haven't written many of these types of letters; showing it to to someone who has is very important (counselor might not be best option, she cares too much about your freedom of expression). </p>
<p>I agree with suze though, you don't tell them what you bring to campus. Get rid of the "But I will try to show... waitlist", "As I have shown in my regular application", "If you would like still.... this year" stuff. They know why you're sending this letter; that just becomes fluff that makes you look worse. </p>
<p>And don't just tack on the Senior Focus Honors thing at the end. Weave it in. As in, "I have always been interested in [blah blah], for example [the NGO i made for Senior Focus Honors]. [Then show them how this is good for Lehigh, if you were to be admitted]." </p>
<p>Good luck again!</p>
<p>here redid the essay</p>
<pre><code>Dear Lehigh Admissions,
</code></pre>
<p>I thank you for letting me have this final chance for admission into Lehigh and for keeping my name under consideration. I know that there are many students vying for a spot at Lehigh and I understand the probability of my name being selected from the list is quite slim. But I will try my best to show that I am the most qualified of those on the waitlist.
I want to attend Lehigh for various reasons that are specific to Lehighs philosophy. As a student of business, I feel that Lehighs school of Business is the perfect choice for me because of its blend of theoretical economics and business administration. I have interest in both fields of business studies. I especially love micro-economics and its impact on decision making among business firms. No other school offers this type of top-notch combination of courses. On top of the Business school, I also love the fact that Lehigh gives such a well-rounded education as well. While I intend to be involved in business ventures later on my life, I know that having an excellent general education will only help to serve me. Overall, Lehigh offers me the best of both academic worlds, which is why it is my top choice.
But what can I offer Lehigh that other students will not be able to? How about a student who is all about leadership and action? Sounds good right? If you accepted me thats what you would get. On top of my leadership qualities, you would get a skilled and experienced orator. Essentially, Lehigh would be admitting a student who can rally up his peers and make changes in life. After all, leadership is a key skill in the business world, and there is no better time then the present to start taking charge. This is what I have to offer Lehigh, and that I hope that I am recognized for what I am worth and will be chosen to attend Lehigh. Once again thank you for this chance.</p>
<p>That's a definite improvement. It's good that you are specific about what at Lehigh particularly interests you. I would take Butcherer's advice, though, and weave in a reference to your Senior Focus project because it is interesting and shows a kind of maturity of thinking about the process of starting an NGO. Perhaps you could include it as a part of the "what I can offer Lehigh" paragraph (and just as a side note, I don't think you need to convince them that you're better than the next applicant - just that you would be a good addition to the student body). You could say that you are someone who has already committed a fair amount of thinking to implementing a plan for an NGO that would...etc.</p>
<p>Anyway, good luck!</p>
<p>sounds good</p>
<p>i decided not to do the lehigh/drexel med program so hopefully my spot can go to you!</p>
<p>gl</p>
<p>Actually, I liked your second version better. In this one, you have used the word "business" seven!! times in your second paragraph. Although you have the right idea, it needs better structure and flow.
In the third paragraph, after "that's what you would get," talk about the Senior Focus - that demonstrates your leadership. THEN say "on top of my leadership qualities," and instead of just saying you are a good orator, give examples of your recent accomplishments that demonstrate that. Or you can just omit it alltogether.
Oh, and this sentence is a disaster: "This is what I have to offer Lehigh, and that I hope that I am recognized for what I am worth and will be chosen to attend Lehigh."
But DO try to improve and send the letter - show them that you care.</p>
<p>As for where to email it or snail mail it, if you don't have any specific contact information in the materials you already received directly from the Admissions Office, I would send it to the Dean of Admissions.</p>
<p>OK, I'll be more honest than I wanted to be. Thye second version is better, but it still is not going to get you in and may well make sure you don't get in.</p>
<p>As most waitlisted at good schools do not get in, calling it another chance at admissions is a bit of an overstatement.
I'm not going to go through the whole letter, but the other part that strikes me as not a good idea most is using platitudes such as "no other school has that", especially when you are talking about Lehigh and business. </p>
<p>Is there no adult that can help you who has done this before Where is your counselor??</p>
<p>thanks for all the input. well actually i first wanted to make a few drafts and then show it to my College guidance officer. In fact i am doing that tomorrow.
Ill try and improve it again. thanks again</p>
<p>heres my final draft</p>
<p>I thank you for letting me have this final chance for admission into Lehigh and for keeping my name under consideration. I know that there are many students vying for a spot at Lehigh and I understand the probability of my name being selected from the list is quite slim. But I will try my best to show that I am the most qualified of those on the waitlist.
When I was creating my college list, I looked at colleges not by rankings or name, but by what they could offer me. Lehigh came up as my top choice because of its educational philosophy and beautiful campus. As I read more about Lehigh, I realized that it had the perfect balance of the practical applications of education as well as the theoretical meaning behind it. Eventually, I realized that Lehigh was the perfect match for me and so I put it as my number one choice.
When I was doing research on Lehigh, I came across a few figures relating to class size. I found out that the average class size is 25-30 students and that over 80% of all classes have fewer then 30 students. This is exactly what I have been looking for in most of my college choices. I wanted a class size that would be small enough for personal interaction with the professor, but I also wanted a large enough class for discussion and interaction on wide spectrum of opinions. I know that some schools have large seminar classes of 100 or more students with only one professor and a few TAs. I really did not want that, which is why I believed Lehigh to be more superior then some of my other schools.
I want to attend Lehigh for various reasons that are specific to Lehighs philosophy. As a student of commerce, I feel that Lehighs school of Business is the perfect choice for me because of its blend of theoretical economics and business administration. I especially love micro-economics and its impact on decision making among business firms. No other school offers this type of top-notch combination of courses. On top of the Business school, I also love the fact that Lehigh gives such a well-rounded education as well. While I intend to be involved in business ventures later on my life, I know that having an excellent general education will only help to serve me. Overall, Lehigh offers me the best of both academic worlds, which is why it is my top choice.
However, there is more to college then education. Though education does play a large role in college decision-making, one must also consider the campus life. I can honestly say that I have not seen a more beautiful surrounding area then the Lehigh Valley Gorge. I have come down to that area many times for white water rafting, and I have experienced the serene beauty of the mountain area. Besides the location, I also have been interested in wrestling for the Lehigh Mountain Hawks. My school shut down the wrestling program when I was in 9th grade, so I didnt get much out of it. But if I attend Lehigh next year, I will have another shot at wrestling. I found out that the Mountain Hawks are successful in almost all sporting events and I hope to be a part of such glorious team.
But what can I offer Lehigh that other students will not be able to? How about a student who is all about leadership and action? Sounds good right? If you accepted me thats what you would get. An example of my leadership is a project I am working on. I am trying to start my own non-profit organization that would improve educational facilities in India. Within a year I hope to have it up and running along with my board members. Obviously running any type of organization requires strong leadership skills and so far I have not faltered or failed in my endeavor. On top of my leadership qualities, you would get a skilled and experienced orator. I have shown my aptitude as a debater in my local league, and I was elected a Junior Statesmen Senator from my school. Recently I went to Washington D.C. where I debated along with 700 other students on various bills and legislation. Essentially, Lehigh would be admitting a student who can rally up his peers and make changes in life. After all, leadership is a key skill in the business world, and there is no better time then the present to start taking charge.
In closing, I hope that Lehigh admits me from the waitlist. I look forward to experiencing all that Lehigh has to offer.</p>
<p>Well, you narrowed down the number of times you used "business" in the second paragraph from seven to five... which still bothers me a bit.</p>
<p>"there is more to college then education" should be "there is more to college thAn education"</p>
<p>The discussion of your debate skills is really good, and I think you can play up your Senior Focus thing even more. In this version it sounds less "official" aka less likely to happen.</p>
<p>Lol, I am sure Lehigh knows it's class size - skip the facts; they add nothing. I would also condense the campus life paragraph; this is where the essay loses focus. Your first paragraph is awesome. =)</p>
<p>Keep working at it! It'll be worth it at the end!</p>
<p>Good work! Each rewrite gets better and better. I agree with nelle178 that there are some points where your phrasing could be better (eg., "I also love the fact that Lehigh...as well" in the 4th paragraph), but overall I think it makes a good case for your admittance off the waitlist, and in a way that conveys some personality.</p>