<p>Isn’t the goal to give your D the best education you can which is consistent with her goals and aspirations, while being affordable to both households??? Someone is likely to get “screwed” if by that you mean pay more than the other. But if both households are contributing what they can without impoverishing themselves or raiding their retirement assets-- isn’t that OK if one parent ends up paying more than the other???</p>
<p>I know a lot of divorced families and the idea that everyone is kicking in the same amount, post-tax is a little delusional, especially if that wasn’t spelled out in court. Stuff changes during college- the kid wants to study in Prague for a semester which might be cheaper than the home university. So the parent who “saved” on that tuition ends up footing the bill for some extra travel expenses that summer. Or the kid takes a year off between junior and senior year. Or one parent moves out of state changing the parameters entirely.</p>
<p>From what I’ve observed… you need two meetings. One with the ex, where you both calculate what you can afford to contribute- from savings, from current income, and from future income (i.e. the debt each parent may or may not be able to take on). You then run the numbers according to the financial aid calculators to see if the school’s assessment of what you can afford calibrates to what they THINK you can afford. If the numbers are roughly consistent (i.e. the parental contribution equals your EFC) then you proceed making an application list.</p>
<p>If the numbers are NOT consistent (huge gap between the parental funding and what the schools think you can pay) then you move to plan B- merit schools, depending on your D’s stats, living at home and commuting to an affordable option with no room and board to consider, etc.</p>
<p>Then you sit down with the D (meeting number two) and walk her through the options. United front, this is what we are doing as a family for your education. Don’t let her feel like her education is being sacrificed on the altar of “even steven”; she doesn’t need to know the mechanics of which family pays what. The united front is what you can afford to contribute; she gets to make a list which is affordable based on that.</p>
<p>But going into the process assuming that you are going to find a college which meets your D’s needs, AND where neither parent is willing to fund anything more than what the other can afford is going to be tough. Mom has a good year- that’s great. Maybe tuck away another thousand bucks. Mom has a bad year- so Dad takes over paying lab fees and books in addition to what he’s “agreed to” so the D doesn’t have to derail her Chemistry major. D wins a fellowship in France for the summer- fully paid room and board once she gets there, and it will really help with grad school admissions- but she needs a plane ticket- Dad is tapped out so Mom pays for that above and beyond her “agreed to” contribution. Etc.</p>
<p>A little flexibility on the sharing as long as nobody is impoverished is going to help your D get through her education with relationships with both parents intact.</p>