Divorce and Sharing College Costs

<p>Once again I need to turn to CC'ers for their widsdom and advice. Future stepson is 18 and will soon be entering college. His parents have been divorced since he was 4 and there was nothing in the divorce agreement regarding paying for college. He lives in CO which stipulates child support till age 19. He is going to college oos where we live and living on campus. Room and board equals a year's worth of child support. We agreed to pay that amount and half of his tuition and discussed this with his mom a year ago. Now that the tuition is coming due she has changed her tune and expects the child support to still be paid to her and wants us to pay half tuition/room and board and wants son to take out loans for the rest. Any advice on the best way to handle this or has anyone had experience with this expecially in CO? Of course she can try to go back to court to change the support order but that seems a bit absurd being there's less than a year left of child support. Our incomes are equal and we fully expected to split the expenses for college even with nothing in the divorce agreement. She has not saved anything towards his college and is now realizing her income will be going down also as a result of the child support that was supposed to now pay the room and board. My thoughts are anything legal will only waste money that could be better spent on the son's education. Thanks in advance!!</p>

<p>I doubt this is what you want to hear but I would call the original attorney. I suspect that the safest thing for you would be to pay her the part of child support that she wants-- yes, directly to her and not your stepson. I’m saying this because, as I understand it, the child support is $ owed the exspouse, not the child and you don’t want her to turn around in the future and get a judgement for unpaid child support, saying the $ you gave him directly was a “gift.”</p>

<p>^I tend to agree. She does not sound trustworthy so having the legal bit on your side sounds like a very safe idea, even if it costs you some $$. Might save some and some headaches in the long run.</p>

<p>Are you sure the mother’s income is roughly the same as your husbands? Or that she doesnt have other expenses. My understanding, which could be wrong, is that Colorado allows college expenses to be ordered, even if not in agreement, if decree was before 1997.</p>

<p>She does have other expenses. She married a man with 3 children a year apart and will end up with 4 in college at the same time! They haven’t saved anything towards college and I’m sure they are panicking knowing college expenses now start this fall. Dad fully expected to pay half of his college with or without an agreement. I am just having a hard time thinking we are expected to pay room and board and child support at the same time. He could easily live with us as his college is just a few miles away but she has been telling us this whole time she is splitting it so we wanted him to have the opportunity to live on campus since we assumed the cost to us would be about the same.</p>

<p>I don’t think divorce/CS would consider her stepchildren’s education her expense. This is divorce world, not FAFSA world. I meant expenses like medical. When I asked if her income was comparable to your husbands, I meant hers alone v. his alone, not with spouses. Again, think divorce world, not FAFSA world. </p>

<p>YOU arent expected to pay anything. He is. As to how much – depends on his income.</p>

<p>Whether or not she is panicking is not relevant, and frankly I find unnecessarily mean on your part. As a first wife, with custody virtually 24/7, every time I read comments complaining by second wife, I make certain all the “extras” for the month get billed.</p>

<p>His income is slightly more than hers ( I assume) but he has always paid additional money above the amount of child support to cover extras. (lessons, car insurance, phone without being asked) He was paying medical insurance but she suggested dropping him from his own policy as her amt was the same to add the son or not.</p>

<p>Consult a family lawyer. An hour’s consultation isn’t going to cost you that much.</p>

<p>I don’t know how anyone can “assume” anyone earns “slightly” more than another. In any event, I hear what you are saying, that you think your husband has been fair. I think there is more than one side to any story, and I dont think anyone on this board can hlep you.</p>

<p>Are there any ramifications if the mom does not use child support to pay her son’s expenses? (i.e., your H continues to pay the ex child support as required, but she is mandated to use it for her son?) Will mom continue to carry S on her medical coverage in college (since it she has said it doesn’t cost her anything extra), or is she going to have S pick up the school’s policy and put the expense back on the other parent?</p>

<p>Are the mom and dad willing to sit down with S and work out an arrangement acceptable to all and put that understanding in writing?</p>

<p>There has been ongoing discussion for the past year when son was going through the college selection process. Mother and stepfather were out to visit a month ago and we toured the school together. So this isn’t something we are just coming up with now. Dad made offer to split tuition costs since they had no formal agreement, mother said that’s fine. Dad asked if it was reasonable to pay last year of child support as room and board to college since he would no longer be living with her, mom said fine. We offered to have him live with us in case her coming up with her half would be an issue and she said no, she wants him to live on campus. We’ve had ongoing conversations with her for the past year regarding filling out fafsa, financial aid, scholarships etc. It was today that this all came out and she did an about face. Since there is no agreement for college I am simply looking for suggestions on how other divorced families handle the situation.</p>

<p>It really doesn’t matter how other families handled it. Your H needs to visit an attorney, have the offer made official and see where she goes from there. You’ll save a lot of time and money in the long run by taking care of this now.</p>

<p>It may not matter legally how other families handle it, but she can certainly get ideas from how other families handle it – there may be some that help this kid out. And I certainly think some people on this board could be of assistance here. Whether they will be, I don’t know, but I think it’s certainly possible.</p>

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<p>I assume my ex makes more than I do; he works for the government, which publishes its pay scale online. I know how long he’s worked for the government, I know what grade he was when we were married, oh, so long ago, and I know he’s had at least one promotion since then. So, though I don’t know how much he makes, I can certainly assume (and with a high degree of accuracy) that he makes more than I do.</p>

<p>nurseratchet, can your husband ask his ex for an accounting of how the child support money is used? I don’t know whether that’s allowed or not. Though I’m divorced and there is state-mandated child support in my state, I thought it’d be better if ex didn’t pay child support and put the state-mandated amount into a 529 for our spawn instead, so that’s what’s happened in my case. (No college agreement here, either, but we will share the college costs.)</p>

<p>Do I understand correctly that the boy’s mom expects your H to pay all the room and board and half the tuition for this first year (and subsequent years)? </p>

<p>Your H should probably go ahead and pay the child support for the reasons mentioned in posts 2 and 3. It’ll be a financial hit, certainly, paying that, room and board, and half tuition; you might want to have son live with you as a sophomore as a result. Let him have the freshman experience and bond with his classmates/college, but then offset those costs with having him life with you for one year, after he’s got college friends.</p>

<p>I wish I had more suggestions for you; I hope others have some ideas to share with you.</p>

<p>OP describes this young man as “future” stepson. The boy’s father is not her husband yet. Until that happens, I have questions as to Dad and his SO providing home.</p>

<p>Possibly there was a misunderstanding – not the mom changing her mind. When dad said he would pay 1/2 of tuition, she heard differently.</p>

<p>Speak to a lawyer, its worth consultation fee. Unclear if divorce decree stipulates if MO suppose to pay for college tuition, R & B, from child support. If FA has to pick up all costs, MO needs to be notified by official letter that that is what he is doing. If MO to receive some percentage of child support, that too needs to be clarified.</p>

<p>This young man is fortunate that he has a FA that is willing to support his education. Many never receive a cent from bio-fathers.</p>

<p>nurseratchet, </p>

<p>Let me give you another way to look at this: The father is responsible for the child support to the mother until the boy turns 19yo. I do not know what Colorado orders regarding college <em>but</em> this is his son. It is not about the ex and it sure shouldn’t be about you. (And that’s not a personal indictment on you. His son predates you.) It’s about his son. Your significant other is no different than all the rest of us who have kids in college and piece the costs together because we want our children to have that opportunity. Courts mandate the <em>minimum.</em> I have never given my children my minimum. If your future husband wants to pay every penny of his son’s education (and it may someday come to that because it sounds like the mom can’t and the boy may have quite a bit of debt), then you need to realize that that’s the commitment you’re marrying into. I know most of us parents on this board are here because we expect to pay for our children’s education to the best of our ability-- all without a court order.</p>

<p>By the way, you said the boy is going to college oos where you live. If he lived with his dad for a year before he enrolled, would he be entitled to instate tuition? It may bring costs way down (especially for the boy who is apparently expected to take a lot of loans out) if that’s agreeable to everyone.</p>

<p>Agreed; pay the child support and consult an attorney. But bottom line, the child support order is in effect until the age if majority/maturity, as defined by the jurisdiction that issued the original order. Paying any monies outside of “the four corners” of the child support document does not change the paying parent’s financial obligation in any way.</p>

<p>The issue is not wanting to pay child support it is that dad would prefer to pay the school directly to prevent his mom from having him take out more loans than needed. Her thought is to have him borrow the max and one day she’ll help him pay them back since the interest rates are so low. Debt and borrowing more than he needs is absurd to us. She is no more obligated to pay for his tuition than his dad is but we thought we were all on the same page with how this was going to proceed. I don’t know that a lawyer is necessary. To me, it’s money wasted that could be better spent on the son’s tuition. Dad has always planned to help son with college. He is not wealthy, the school is reasonable, and only a small contribution from mom this year would enable the son to not take out any loans. But that is out of our control. Dad is not in the position to pay the full amount of room/board/tuition and another year of child support. He is not legally my stepson yet as the previous poster was kind enough to point out but I feel no differently about him than my own college students in that I want to support him as much financially possible and have him graduate with as little debt as possible.</p>

<p>The fairly consistent advice you have been given (and I think the best) is see a lawyer. Even if there is a verbal (or written) agreement on room and board substituting for child support, mom could take your SO to court for not paying child support as mandated by law. Even if you end up with a verbal or written agreement with the mom about loans, etc without a legal agreement you have no recourse if she does something different. Just my two cents.</p>

<p>I would advise you talk to your attorney, revisiting the agreements and the law to find out exactly what the law stipulates that you and your H should pay, and what is the gray area. Once you have that information, you then need to have a family meeting regarding what you will pay because you have to, any consideration of extra payments because of the circumstances, and what you flat out will not pay. That way everyone knows exactly what the law is and what you are doing extra.</p>