I think it’s very rare for a Catholic wedding to be allowed outside of a church, the priest that married us was a family member, he said no way. I guess Fordham isn’t a far ride from Fort Lee if there’s no traffic, we are in NJ and have family on LI and it’s never a good ride.
This friend who got married sent a detailed set of directions on how to get to both places. To get to Fordham, she listed every mailbox and McDonalds and ‘the third Bodega on the right’ but failed to list the Bronx Zoo which was right across the street from the entrance to the university. For those of us from the midwest where streets are gridded, it wasn’t an easy drive.
To get to NJ, she listed the expressway without indicating which way to go! We guessed and got it right but this was long before the days of GPS. My co-driver was an airline pilot, so very little help.
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Did they live in the area? Like a pp stated, you usually need to be a parishioner at a church to get married there, but anyone can get married at Fordham. Possibly they were students? I’ve lived in this area my entire life, but it’s definitely not the easiest driving if you’re not used to it.
Completely agree!!!
I believe alumna can get married at Fordham.
The groom was a Fordham grad, and catholic, so could get married in the church. they had no intention of giving up that beautiful church for my convenience of using a church near the reception site. Instead they got married in the grand church, using about 1/8th of it (it is truly huge) and made me drive across bridges to get there and back.
I have been to weddings where the couple are not members but bring their own priest and the priest works it out with the pastor of the church. The mountain churches around here do it all the time. My sister got married in the DU campus chapel (a Methodist chapel) but brought her own priest.
But back to gifts. I remember giving the Fordham couple a breadbasket. It was really nice (IMO). I think everyone else (they were both doctors and many of the guests also doctors) fed that big silk purse with $$$$$. I remember paying full price for a new dress (something I rarely do) but I then wore that dress to 7 more weddings that year and the next.
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How did anyone “make you” do all this? I’m confused. Even at our Methodist wedding in 1980, we got married at our beautiful church and the reception was about 20- 30 minutes away.
Many more couples do seem to be marrying and having receptions at the same place these days. It’s all good
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Hope it’s okay if I chime in late.
I grew up in the South and my mother did the wedding gifts display in our dining room (1970s.) Mostly it was seen by her golf and garden club friends who came to a tea shortly before the wedding, but also by H’s family, afterwards, who were from out of town.
Friends of my mother gave me a bridal shower by proxy as I lived in another state. I was sent photos and there was a “bride” made from a broom (or mop? can’t recall) with ribbons and other things decorating it. I think it may be more common among military families, at least as I recall. I even had proxy godparents since my “real” godparents were back in the states at that time.
I also recall the wedding china and crystal store displays, and seeing ours set up at a department store where I otherwise never shopped because it was not in my budget. My mother insisted we had to register for both there. I still have, and like, the china but got rid of the crystal years ago.
S and DiL did not register for gifts. A few family friends asked me for suggestions and others sent a check. The wedding was for immediate family only, and the couple was very surprised by the gifts they received from our relatives and friends.
D and SiL registered at two or three stores including Amazon, which was the one used most by their friends. She already had a full service for eight of sterling flatware, mainly from my parents, and she registered for some Lenox china.
I was surprised by how many of SiL’s relatives brought gifts to the reception instead of having them shipped. That was a pain. H and I had to carry them back to D’s home along with a number of cards containing cash or checks.
When one of my brothers got married (the first time, in the '70s), his wife wore a large satin bag at the reception. All of the men attending danced with her, even if for just a minute, and put cash or checks into the bag. I’d never heard of such a practice before then.
That was my first experience with a very large Italian wedding in NJ. The food was wonderful. Late in the evening, a cousin of the bride (21 yr. old guy) offered (14 yr. old junior bridesmaid) me a variety of substances then suggested a few other activities. I went from being initially flattered by his attention to pretty much terrified of both what he might do and what my brother would do if he found out.
I’ve never heard of a Catholic wedding in a Methodist church (and I’m Catholic and my dad was Methodist and it was a real issue when my parents married because both families were religious and this was considered a mixed marriage). It’s very unusual for permission to be granted to have a Catholic wedding outside of a Catholic Church. We were granted permission to have my mom’s cousin marry us in our church, but there is no way we could’ve been married at my dad’s church (also in town). I don’t recall anyone paying to dance with the bride (actually thought the dollar dance was a southern tradition), but the bags were popular for the cards.
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In the '70’s and '80’s the “dollar dance” was alive and well in the small midwest town (northern Illinois) where I grew up. I have since attended weddings there (as recently as 3 months ago) and thankfully that tradition has died out!
D had a registry (on line) when she was married 6 years ago. No china or silver. I wish she wanted a set of china as I would happily give her mine!
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My daughter didn’t have silver, china, or crystal on her registry because she IS taking mine…and she can have it all once she has the room for it!
Re: gifts. Or daughter was actually very busy when her registry needed to be done and wasn’t planning to do one at all. So I offered to do it for her….with her input. Since the guest list was comprised of folks of all sorts of income levels, I chose a large variety of gifts at many price points.
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The Duke family was Methodist, but the Duke Chapel is “ecumenical” according to the info online.
When my father passed, I had to deal with the contents of their large home, so found a company that did estate sales. They had 2 full sets of china, I brought mine down as well.
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My Ds added lower priced items to the registry, only to have the wealthier guests buy several of the lower priced items, rather than one larger gift.
It was a dear friend, bride’s mom’s good friend, and an honorary grandmother to the bride — but one significant $200 gift would have been preferred to several smaller items the bride added with young friends in mind.
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My recent experience with registries is that most items were on the lower end of price and I wasn’t able to find anything that matched my budget. I don’t like buying several things in order to reach the desired price - would much prefer that registries contain a number of items at all price points. It’s been true of baby registries as well.
Call me old-fashioned, but I really dislike contributing to group gifts or a honeymoon fund. I like to buy a nice, long-lasting gift that resonates with me in some way. I love to cook, so enjoy gifting quality kitchenware and hope they will think of me when they use it.
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While I don’t agree with your preference to buy a “long lasting gift” (it’s fine but I’m ok with short term gifts like an experience) I know many feel as you do but… - do couples really remember who got them what more than a couple years down the road? Unless it was an uber expensive or some outrageous gift (like in the worst wedding gift ever thread)??
I am definitely not sentimental in the gift arena but I don’t know if I could have told you barely any of “who got us what” a couple years (or a couple weeks!) past the wedding.
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Just saying… photos from a gifted experience can be long-lasting. 
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Completely agree. Which leads to a suggestion to those not favoring a cash gift:
Gift the couple a frame to accompany your cash gift. The couple can then later choose to insert a particular photo in it remembering that particular meal or resort or massage or dinner or whatever that one contributed to.
Then both gift giver and recipient value the gift.
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Oh, I did. When I still had all that, “stuff,” I truly could name (and thought of the person) who had given us specific wedding gifts. I mean, this doesn’t work for a single plate or fork. Which, is why I like to give something from the registry that is a one-off that stands alone. However, my preference is to give to a honeymoon fund. On the most recent registry where I had no option to give to a a honeymoon fund, I gave a crystal whiskey decanter that was $175. IMO, I will be remembered for that gift much more so than I would for giving a single $200 sterling silver fork.
So, it’s interesting to me that I am willing to crowd source a honeymoon but not twelve place settings of sterling. Hmmm.
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My mother is 86 and got married when she was 19. Her family gave her 6 place settings of her silver, but a friend gave her 1 teaspoon. My mother still remembers her and tells us who it was when we count the sliver which we always have to do before putting it away. She now has 9 placesettings of most items but 10 teaspoons. She has a few other things (a carving set, an ironing board) and she remembers those givers too. My parents were very young and not wealthy (nor were their families or friends) so they used most everything and appreciated them.
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