Wedding gift etiquette

31 years later, I only remember who was cheap :grinning: The group of 5 who gave us a $75 gift and a wealthy hotel owner-friend of my father-in-law’s who gave us a $25 gift certificate to his hotel gift shop.

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I do want to be remembered as the aunt who gave ____ so, I choose the complete knife set or all of the All Clad on the registry.

I remember who gave us the most significant of our wedding gifts back in 1984.

Luckily, I don’t remember who gave us any of the 8 pedestal cake plates we received.

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I don’t remember most of it, but believe it or not, I have it all written down! While going through my photo album collection, I found the binder my MIL made me to help organize everything for my wedding. And it includes the gift lists from my showers and the wedding - so I could write the thank you notes. (And as a side note, my MIL now has Alzheimer’s and broke her hip and is in rehab. Yesterday was the first time H texted me during their visit “I don’t think she knows who I am” :cold_sweat:)

So sorry about your MIL. That’s a terrible stage for the family.

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I might’ve remembered a few years down the road, but at this point (27 years later) the only gifts I remember are that my parents gifted us the honeymoon and my aunt’s (by marriage) sister (so no blood relation to me) gave us a cast iron skillet that I use almost every day. I couldn’t tell you much more than that. H might be able to. His memory is better than mine, but wedding gifts is not the kind of thing that sticks in his head. He can tell you more about obscure bands and actors, etc.

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I do remember one gift. My coworkers gave me a little (very little) shower at work during lunch. Four of them chipped in and bought me a crock pot (it was one of the first with the removable crock). In addition to remembering this…I have to say, of all the wedding gifts we got, this got used the most!

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I may well be in the minority not remembering who gave us what!

I would be real curious what my two daughters would put on a registry.

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Thirty one years later I still use and like the nesting mixing bowls my college roommate got us for our wedding.

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I’d appreciate more thoughts on this. Why is there no option to give to a fund, one could write a check and if you want it to specifically go to a honeymoon, write that in the note?

My daughter is making her website on the knot and besides links to registries at BBB, C&B etc, there are options to contribute to funds. I told her to absolutely poll people her age, but I personally would not use these links because of the fees the site takes. I also wouldn’t want people to think that this (the link with the fee) was the preferred way to give cash (other than a fee-less check)

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All of our shower and wedding gifts (and tons of other details) are recorded in this 80 page booklet. I don’t remember for sure but assume Marshall Field’s gave it to us when we registered. Each gift includes description, donor, where purchased, date received, and a place to check off that a Thank You was sent. (I’ve also got my mother’s binder.)

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I asked my daughter (age 24) what she and BF do about wedding presents (they are invited to a lot of weddings). She said everyone gets $200, no matter what type of wedding it is (lavish, beach, destination…). They both have nice jobs and can afford this. Her boyfriend is from NJ and so they are familiar with ‘cover the plate’ but don’t really take that into consideration. One wedding she’s going to in Dec is at the Four Seasons DisneyWorld, and I’m sure it is probably more than $100/plate but she doesn’t care, they’ll get the same gift everyone else gets.

My other daughter (25) couldn’t possibly give $100/per gift. She’s in grad school and that’s a day’s pay for her (and she only works 3 days a week). The last 2 weddings she’s been in and both involved travel and buying a dress. She has to be creative and purchase a gift that has meaning but doesn’t cost a lot.

So far they haven’t been invited to the same wedding (for high school or grade school friends), but I think that may be coming soon (they are at that age) and I think they’d continue their gift giving practices, one money, one a thoughtful gift.

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I’m trying to catch up with the times and get down with the monetary gifts, but that is definitely not how I grew up. When I was growing up it was very gauche and tacky to let anyone know how much you spent on a gift or worse yet leave the price tag on a gift (birthday, Christmas, what have you). Monetary gifts were pretty much only given to children from an aunt or uncle or grandparent who didn’t know them well enough to get them something more personal. I realize that things are different now and we have both gifted money and my kids have received money (high school graduation, birthdays, Christmas) but that hang up on giving money for a wedding present is still in the back of my mind. We will be doing it for this upcoming wedding, though.

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It’s really been cash here forever, my parents were gifted cash, but I do know gifts are/were way more common in other areas. I think cash is being given more for practical reasons, since most live on their own before marriage, and big ticket items like silver, crystal and China declining in popularity.

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My daughter used Zola to register and make her wedding website. Zola allows links to specific products as well as honeymoon experiences. It does a good job of finding the lowest price on an item that you click on to buy, and noting when something is on sale. I don’t recall her saying anything about fees and I don’t think I saw anything when I’ve purchased items off her registry or other people’s registries on there.

Zola charges 2.4%, either to the couple or guest, the couple decides which.

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My D must be paying it then because she’d be appalled if someone else had to pay it - and my MIL would definitely call her out on it :grinning:

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Smart!

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Count me in on the group that likes to actually give a gift, rather than cash. Have a close friends’ son getting married in a few weeks (almost family). Their registry is incredibly thin on gifts - only a couple of gifts listed in the range I’d choose (most seemed to be aimed at their friends budgets - all students or new to the workforce).

I am choosing to contribute to their honeymoon fund but also wanted to get them something else. My kids have come up with a unique themed idea for gifts for this couple and I made sure that my gift fit with that theme. Knowing the couple as well as we do, we are sure this will be well received. If I didn’t know the couple as well as I do, I’d have just stayed with the contribution to the fund.

Interesting that the %age for these sites to handle cash funds is 2.5% or so. Guess the convenience of one account, one cheque outweighs that %age the couples choose to pay?

Go Granny!

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And if it’s an item at Bed Bath and Beyond, you can’t use your 20% off coupon.