To all of you experienced parents who have thrown a wedding recently. Are there any things that you wish you hadn’t done, or things looking back that you wish you had ? What would you have done differently?
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Our daughter’s wedding went so smoothly because of the place we found that it is hard to think of what I would change. I do regret not asking about three people who are my friends. It wouldn’t have made much difference budget wise. Oh well, they were not offended and life has gone on. Relax and enjoy and don’t let dumb things cloud the day!
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Make sure you make a very complete list of photos you absolutely want. We missed one important one!
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You need to accept that quite a few things may not go the way you envisioned, but that doesn’t really matter.
Be sure to have a list of photos you absolutely want, but also enlist the shutterbugs in your group to take candids. One of our groomsmen took my favorite – bride and groom crossing the street downtown, with people in the crosswalk clapping. Photographer was ahead of the group and couldn’t see that happen. he just snapped it with his phone.
Erase the word “should”. Don’t pay extra for things you don’t care about or won’t be saved (invitations, programs, napkins, flowers, signs)
Let the couple make the decisions, no matter who is paying. Don’t be those parents. Make a budgetand try to stick to it, but don’t lord it over people.
Put a note in your pocket reminding yourself who you want to talk to at the reception, or you will forget and regret. My husband did this for me.
Your attitude about the day, on the day, will make the difference. It’s okay to just be happy.
Foundation garments. oooh, pay $$$$ for good ones!
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Wear comfortable shoes.
I’d add to the list of non-essentials: those wedding themed favors. We dispensed with them after having been to weddings where they were just left on the table.
Hire a great DJ, caterer and photographer.
A day of coordinator is great to keep things on schedule.
Yes, to the candids. One of my favorite photos of my daughter was taken by one of the guests. It caught the light shining through her veil in a way the photographer was not in a position to do.
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Set a budget and stick to it. An event planner once told me the reason weddings are so expensive is because few have ever arranged such gatherings and thus easily get caught up in the industry marketing dream. Those who regularly plan large corporate events approach it differently.
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Hire a Wedding planner! Get recommendations and compare what they offer. One of mine got married in the San Francisco Bay Area and prices of planners had a huge price range.
Also know your couple- if they have a hard time making decisions it’s nice to go with a venue that provides the site, rentals and food. For one of mine it helped a lot that she didn’t also have to find a caterer especially this last year when everyone was booked up.
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It has been a long time since our wedding, but I never even look at the photos! We have only one framed on the wall. Plus the formal ones took too much time away from the reception. I would have rather spent time with the guests than posing for multiple group photos.
The formal photographer went around the room and took photos of couples (as we requested). But they were all seated at a large banquet table at the time, and he was off by one, so most of the couples were just pairs of people who happened to be sitting next to each other. We still laugh about that.
In addition to the formal photographer, we asked a friend who was an amateur photographer, to take candid photos as his gift to us. They were the best!
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D’s photographer set up a screen in front of which he took pictures of guests at the wedding. While it wasn’t a photo booth, it was referred to as a photo booth. This was announced by the DJ, but I didn’t realize that my relatives were not taking advantage of it. I’m disappointed, because the pictures that were taken are amazing. My SIL has made a number of digs since the wedding, saying things like, “You wouldn’t know I was even there, given how few pictures there are of me.” (She never got up from her chair, and the candids are mostly of guests having fun on the dance floor or chatting in small groups.) But she didn’t bother to get any pictures taken at the photo booth. In hindsight, I would have spent some time corralling relatives to make sure they had pictures taken in the photo booth.
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We had wedding and reception in the same location which saved so many out of town guests a hassle. No favors, nobody noticed we didn’t have them and the few close friends I mentioned it to later didn’t care and said they didn’t notice. I wish I had hired a coordinator for the day of the wedding. People kept coming to me to solve every issue that came up. We had an open bar but kept it simple with beer and wine. It was a vineyard wedding so the wine was a given but I didn’t want people to start downing shots or anything wild. We’re more low key than that! We could choose our own caterer and got to decide on a custom menu of a culturally relevant dish (chicken and sausage gumbo) that I still think about all these years later. It made my heart happy to have it and we had enough sides for anyone who didn’t like it.
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There will always be that “one photo” and you simply don’t know who will take it. Have a professional but have a photographer type friend(s) who is/are happy to snap pix/video with their camera or phone on the side. Too many people rely directly on the pro and totally discourage anyone else from taking shots. In that case guests dont record or take pix of anything thinking it’s “rude” even during dinner or dancing although that edict was originally limited to the ceremony. People think the pro is there to capture everything. Not.
Another reason–you don’t know how long it will be to get your pictures back from the pro. You could be my DIL begging me for pix because I was the only person who had any readily available. She didn’t want to wait six weeks for photos. Do you want the birthday photos six weeks after the event? I was the only one with video because that wasn’t the pro’s job. (To be fair I’ve done wedding photos and know a million scenarios so figured my 'rudeness" would easily be forgiven).
Even if you don’t want any cameras, videos etc during the ceremony (which I totally understand) other than photographer have somebody up close to the alter (sitting, not involved) to turn the voice recorder on their phone on to capture audio of the vows. Totally unobtrusive and worth it. Or set your own phone up and start recording before the ceremony starts.
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I would not plan an outdoor wedding again, ha. May 31 in Austin should have been safe but it wasn’t! It was one of the rainiest Mays on record. Oh, well, we had a backup inside, at least.
TO ME…. A wedding is an important occasion and one to be celebrated! BUT every step of the way stop and ask yourself (or the married couple) - is this what you want? Is this $ you want to pay for this feature? Is this necessary? Is this enough?
Point being, a wedding is 24 hours - maybe a 36-48 hour event if you count rehearsal dinner through next morning brunch ……create memories, make it happy, but don’t drain the bank account!!! 
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Big kid did not do wedding favors, and I hope little kid will not do them, either. In fact, I don’t remember any favors at any weddings we attended other than one wedding in California where we just left them on the table (they were picture frames). One fewer thing to worry about, and less trash generated.
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Don’t feel obligated to invite work people.
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Yes! The one thing I would have done differently at D’s wedding. Or at least I would have had the wedding planner stash a pair of my pretty flats under the table I sat at so I could have changed.
I regret nothing else (and we went over budget). D, SIL, H and I wanted everyone to enjoy the day and have fun. We hit that goal!
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Along the lines of comfortable shoes….I wore ballet slippers under my wedding dress. This was early 1990’s and my dress was full (multiple crinolines) and heavy (beading and lace and puffy sleeves) and long train (so silly looking back) bc didn’t we all want to look like Lady Di?!
Now I would embrace simplicity in every detail (and to minimize the details)!
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@123Mom123 - I got married in 1980 and wore ballet shoes under my long white gown. Not ballet style- actual ballet shoes. My bridesmaids actually laughed at me. But I was comfy!
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I wish we had had a video done. It was suggested more than once, but DD didn’t want it. I think we all would have been happy with one.
Agree with whoever above said don’t be those parents. Ds1 got married with the whole ceremony thing in November after their Covid elopement the year before. Truthfully, I would have been fine with them not doing a ceremony, but they wanted it so I kept my mouth shut. It was beautiful and perfect for them. Some of my family didn’t get invited, and some who were invited didn’t come for various reasons, including any of the grandparents, which was kind of hurtful, but Covid is a thing and everyone gets to make their own decisions blah blah blah. Long way of saying that because I didn’t feel so vested in this big ceremony and trying to fit it into some preconceived vision it was easy to let go of a lot of things. This made everyone happier. The reception was hands down one of the best I’ve been to, and no one had to worry about taking care of the grandparents, which was the silver lining to them not coming.
Something I did, following the tradition of my MIL doing it for us, is hosting a party the night before the wedding. The couple didn’t want a rehearsal so no rehearsal dinner. Instead I hosted a happy hour at their favorite brewery for the wedding party and selected guests who had flown in from out of town. There were about 40 people total as we didn’t want to rival the reception. OP, I don’t know whether you are the groom’s parent or bride’s parent, but this is really an idea more for the groom’s parent/parents. It’s a great opportunity for the couple to greet people and not have to worry about running from table to table at the wedding. Also, it might be the first time some family members meet, so this is a low-key way to socialize and hear family stories and stuff. It was SO FUN. Two hours is a minimal time commitment and gave the kids plenty of time to party with their friends afterward and the adults could go to dinner or wherever. We put our touch on things – I made an adorable display with signature cocktails named after their dogs. Ds and DIL loved it so much that they took it home and hung it in their house! Dh did a slideshow that ran in the background of pics of the kids when they were little that they hadn’t seen of each other (her mom helped supply those). Ds’s uncle made ds1’s favorite ethnic dessert in lieu of their attendance, and ds1 almost cried. I did a display of all the parents and grandparents at their weddings in frames. Really sweet, personal touches throughout. I highly recommend a Friday-night event!
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