Weird Family History and College Applications

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi. I just posted this in the "college admissions" section, but I wanted to get some parents' perspectives, too, because I always love reading your advice and I'm not sure if you all read the other sections. </p>

<p>If there's a rule against posting something twice, please tell me and I'll delete this ASAP!</p>

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<p>I have two main questions that I haven't been able to find addressed anywhere else:</p>

<p>1) How should I approach telling colleges of my family history? Should I at all?
2) Can having an interesting or trying life help in admissions?</p>

<p>Some background:
I come from a Fundamentalist Mormon family. My ancestors supposedly trace back to Brigham Young (though there is absolutely no chance I'm applying to BYU!). If you know anything about Fundamentalists (or do a quick google search), you basically can guess what this entails. My family lived in a very rural part of Arizona in an exclusively Fundamentalist community. Though some parts of it were ok, a lot of pretty horrible stuff went on.</p>

<p>When I was eight, my mom escaped from this community with my four younger sisters and me. We're no longer Mormon of any sort, but my experience as a child has definitely influenced my life thus far. If my mother never left, I'd surely be married and a mother by now, so it's pretty major to me and my family that I'm even looking at college.</p>

<p>I'm not posting all this to try to get attention or anything, I'm just really at a loss as far as how to include this in my applications. I feel it's almost too touchy of an issue to write about. I've heard you're supposed to avoid addressing religion, especially when you've had such a bad experience with it and it involves a lot of stuff that most people don't talk about, and that sob stories normally don't help. Should I write my essay about this, anyway? Do I include it separately? Talk about it in my interviews? Do I tell them at all?</p>

<p>If you think I should include this, do you think it could help my admissions chances, since there's very few people in the world, much less students applying to colleges, who've been part of such a community and escaped?</p>

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<p>Thank you for your help!
Lachelle</p>

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<p>Very thoughtful question, Lachelle. I review a lot of essays (doesn't make me an expert ;) ), and I find myself uncertain as to the answer to your question.</p>

<p>I think it could make a good essay. I think you are absolutely correct that sob stories are a poor approach. Avoiding discussions of religion is also probably wise. Still, it's a "hook." I hate to be crass in calling it that, but you are correct that your experience is rare.</p>

<p>It has also clearly made you who you are. I think the key would be to focus on who you are now and where you see yourself headed to a greater degree than you focus on "what you've been through." Let the what-we-escaped be the backdrop - as you say, life dealt you a hand that was pretty much pointing to you having been married for several years by now and mother of several children. Instead you are heading to college, charting your own course. If you focus more on the course you are charting for yourself, the pride you feel in your mother and sisters for having escaped a course you would never have determined for yourself and less on the details of what you have been through...</p>

<p>That is my opinion and it is only one opinion.</p>

<p>It appears from your post that you can be quite a good writer, so I think you can pull it off. I would be happy to review a draft if you would like.</p>

<p>I also might like to hear what other topics you would consider if you abandoned this one; and what schools you are considering.</p>

<p>Best of luck in your applications and please feel free to come to the Parent Forum for any help at all.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
That is my opinion and it is only one opinion.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>And one that I share. Be sure to have people review it and make it what jmmom articulated so well.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I think colleges will eat that up. My guess is that's a lot better to be a refugee from a fundie Mormon sect in Arizona than the upper middle class child of professionals living in the suburbs of New York City.</p>

<p>However, to be on the safe side, I would consider mentioning my family history to half of the schools and not to the other half.</p>

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<p>Not to comment on your history, Brigham Young's decendants(!), or the validity of your "hook", but rather to suggest an approach with that info in mind. I might consider first trying it on schools that I was interested in, but less interested in than others. Use their response as a learning experience and then apply whats learned to the schools you may prefer. You may find the first group of schools more receptive, and as a result they could become more appealing. If not, well, then perhaps the second group will look more appealing.</p>

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<p>I think it would make a great essay topic but I would focus on the aspect of your coming from a situation of adversity and overcoming it to be a college applicant today. Your history could be a very interesting essay and certainly different than the average....who knows, maybe you'll write a book about it one day!
Good luck....it's always great to turn a situation of difficulty to one of opportunity. Your Mom must be a courageous woman.</p>

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<p>My son faced a similar though different question when it came to writing his college essays. Our family is quite unusual, I'm a single disabled mom & I'm a lesbian. My son has another mom who is Jamiacan(now the non-custodial parent). S has no known father. Our family also includes two
African American girls who spent as much time as they could with us in order to escape an abusive household and the violence on the streets of Oakland. When it was time for my son to write his essays he didn't include any of thats until it came to the prompt for one application that asked about diversity. He began that essay with a brief description of his family and a line about being caucasian growing up in a predominantly African American neighborhood and then said that what truly made him feel different from his peers was his love of mathematics. He then focused his essay on his passion for mathematics.<br>
My S was very clear that he wanted to be accepted into schools for who he is not for where he lived or who his family is.<br>
So I guess my suggestion is to look at the essay prompts for the schools you are applying to and see if telling parts of your personal history fits in. But remain focused on your goals for college and your personal strengths. Hope that is helpful. When you're actually sitting down to write, I'd be happy to give you feedback.</p>

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<p>As Jmmm says, it clearly has made you who you are. I think it is an incredibly compelling story. LillyMoon mentions the courage of your mom; perhaps that can be how you bring out this story to the admissions counselors. Use her as an example of someone you admire, someone who acted on her convictions, sacrificed for others, etc. Another way to bring it up could be an essay on the culture shock you experienced when your mom uprooted you from the Fundamentalist Mormon world. An attention getting opening sentence, something like "The fact that I am not a child bride, already raising children of my own, is quite remarkable." You could also talk about the mentoring role you had to assume for your four younger sisters.</p>

<p>Like Jmmom, I don't want to appear crass, grasping for an essay hook & manipulating your very real story for an admissions advantage. I really think it is a story that will speak volumes about you, so I'd encourage you to reference it in some way. Good luck to you & your sisters (and mom, too.)</p>

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<p>The problem with essay topics like this is it is very hard to avoid cliches. And, many kids have overcome adversity of a wide variety. But not many of these stories add much to an application, IMHO. Keep in mind, too, that your family change was a long time ago - 8-9 years if I calculate correctly. </p>

<p>Unless you can pull off the essay in a brilliant manner, it might be best to take another approach. One way to test your essay would be to get honest adult feedback, preferably from someone who knows college admissions.</p>

<p>Another thought is to have your story presented by one of your reference providers. That would either back up your essay version if you choose that route, or let someone else more effectively tell the story.</p>

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<p>Some very good comments here. Your background has made you the person you are. In what ways? This is what you should focus on, and what colleges want to know. The escape from the fundamentalist Mormom community is only the starting point from your and your mother's attempts to redefine who you are and how to live your life. It must have been a bewildering experience. Your mother's struggles to raise five girls on her own, your role as older sister; these are some of the things you can write about in some detail.</p>

<p>As jmmom says, you write well. Draft something and let us know if you want us to read the draft.</p>

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<p>I agree with Jmmom.
Your family history clearly made you who you are. If some schools don't want you, you probably don't want them either. You are a good writer. Go for it.</p>

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<p>I would make it my essay, as long as it wasn't going to come across as a sob story. Start it off with a hook. Your first opening line could be short and catching: "I'm the great-great-granddaughter of Brigham Young. And I hate it." Or something enticing the reader to keep going.</p>

<p>Here's a great link about taking a chance in your essay from Parke Muth at UVa: <a href="http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html&lt;/a> -- He stresses the importance of staying away from generic, over-reaching essays and concentrating on what is important to you. There are also some excerpts for examples.</p>

<p>I heard him speak a couple times about essay writing and he said the favorite essay he had ever received was one that said "My great grandfather did a favor for Thomas Jefferson and TJ said he 'owed him'". That was it -- I guess because of the cajones it took to send just one line in to UVa. And the kid got accepted.</p>

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<p>I agree that this would be a tough essay to write. As you mentioned, it is best to avoid religious issues. It is also not a good idea to show off scars. That approach usually backfires. The sympathy aspect doesn't go very far. We don't like to admit it, but it is a part of human nature to blame the individual when bad things happen. For people who know little about the Arizona strip or Utah, it may be difficult for them to understand or relate. You do not want to use up precious essay space with these details. Finally, even after almost 10 years, you are very emotionally involved. Essays have a specific purpose and need to be written for that purpose. That will be difficult if you are heavily emotionally invested. You need to be wise and calculating when writing your essay and you certainly need to avoid using the topic to vent any emotional pain. </p>

<p>Adcoms are looking for unique and POSITIVE personal characteristics. If you believe you have demonstrable, unique, positive characteristics due to your experiences, then you might try this as an essay topic. You might be able to develop a very powerful essay, but I would guess that is unlikely. If this approach does not work exceptionally well, you need to write about different topics.</p>

<p>If you cannot demonstrate the positive aspects of this experience in an essay, do not bring it up in some other format. Colleges want students who are unique, but also mature, stable, vibrant and who are likely to grow and succeed.</p>

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<p>Hilarious!</p>

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<p>Worked at UVA. Would it have worked elsewhere? But which adcom would not like a short and to the point essay?</p>

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<p>It's amazing what will work if you take a risk. My brother sent in his Stanford application a day after the deadline and wrote about how he was a procrastinator! But back to the OP... I think it could be a great essay topic or a terrible one, but just from what she presented I did want to know more. If she's unsure she might include some version of it in the "is there anything else you want to tell us" essays that many colleges ask for.</p>

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<p>I think this is a fascinating story of courage and true grit. I wouldn't hesitate to include it following the sensible recommendations posted above.</p>

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<p>The essay needs to be about you -- your character, how it developed and what you are doing now that reflects what you learned and experienced during that move away from your original home and religion. Mistakes to avoid include writing only about your escape (It happened years ago, and is a good story for a movie or book, but colleges want to know about what you're like right now, and what you can contribute to the college) or centering the essay on your mother's character and experience.</p>

<p>Religious essays can work depending on how they are written and where they are sent.</p>

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<p>It could work if you could make the essay about what you learned from your mom about not accepting the status quo, questioning authority, thinking independently.</p>

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<p>Lachelle,
You certainly have a compelling story, and you write well. My advice--start with the traditional list/web/outline/free-write--whatever type of pre-writing works for you, with this focus: what do you need to communicate about yourself to demonstrate that you are a good fit for your schools? Then cross off the details that are already covered in other parts of your application (to avoid redundancy and make every word count). Then think about how the background you've shared with us can help advance the real story--who you are, what you have to offer, your ambitions and dreams, etc. I like the intro others have suggested (about what might have been, were it not for your mom's decision to escape), and I agree with those who say to make a quick connection to the body of the essay so admissions officers can get to know you (your mom's courage is great, but she's not the one applying for admission).</p>

<p>My daughter was in your position last year, and I remember some of her false starts. She eventually came back to one that I was quite skeptical about because it seemed too trivial to me (her delicious homemade fudge), but she wrote a wonderful extended metaphor of her character traits, experiences, and goals. Her essay is an example of how just about any topic can work if it is well-written, insightful, and personal. I think it is OK to take a risk as long as you consider your audience's comfort level and remember that you don't know your audience personally (nor their religious backgrounds). With that in mind, it might be good to briefly describe the community without actually identifying it.</p>

<p>What schools are you considering? </p>

<p>I'd also be happy to offer feedback if you would like to PM a draft. Good luck!</p>