<p>I am sorry about how my first post came off. It wasn’t my intention to be mean, just direct, and on rereading I can see how it could be misread. I am just an old hippie, to be honest, and my cultural values may be hard for some young person to understand in 2008.</p>
<p>Thank you to those who have written me reassuring messages about Harvard and who understand where I am coming from.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I did not say “accidentally”, I said “unexpectedly.” Our daughter wanted to go to a conservatory, and applied to Harvard because most other colleges did not have the music she wanted. But she was focused on the conservatory admissions process, which is very time consuming. She also has several major chronic illnesses, and missed out on a lot of high school, so things like stats and GPA aren’t on her radar. She’s happy that she is not in pain this spring.</p>
<p>Just to be clearer: the things I suggested (taking time off, going to a state college or university for a few courses) are things I myself have tried. I got out of the academic rat race early (at 18, actually, when I went to work in a fish factory instead of to Brown, and then worked with nurses in Appalachia) and never went back. I’ve had a good life and, although I am outwardly not very successful, I am happier than I would have been if I had kept on living for outward appearances, as I did in high school.</p>
<p>My older son is at an Ivy. I tried to talk him out of it, in favor of UMass, to be honest, because of finances. So he has paid most of it himself. He is very happy, but I do think he has absorbed some elitism, and some values that I hope fade once he is back in the real world. You may not understand my point of view here, that the Ivies cause me to feel concerned about values, and I assure you that I am not being disingenuous. It is very weird to live on a campus that is engineered by admissions to include only what one person calls “1%ers”, people who are driven to excel. It is not the real world. I worry about the effect on kids who are not so intense, and, maybe, even more, the kids who are.</p>
<p>We have looked at so many good schools with our two (out of three) kids so far. There are great books out like Loren Pop’s “Beyond the Ivies” and “Colleges that Change Lives.” Kids in Massachusetts are committing suicide over things like grades, and schools. Kids like the poster here make me worried. Please, enjoy your young years.</p>
<p>Final note: I am now studying again at UMass Boston and absolutely love it. Hence my mention of state universities. I have developed an interest in social history, and their American Studies program is outstanding. The personal attention from professors is amazing. Since I am in my late 50’s, I am doing this out of sheer interest, a wonderful luxury that comes with late middle age. My wish for you would be that you could feel that same interest, detached from ulterior motives, in your high school classes. Good luck.</p>