<p>Are you working now? Are you contributing to your expenses in any other way? Have you thought about what it would cost you if your dad decided not provide a home for you while you’re in school? I think it’s sad that you don’t trust your dad, but that’s not grounds to try to hold him to what sounds like a very vague committment. When he said he’ll help you, did he specify an amount? He may decide to send $5/month and he would be fulfilling his “promise”! My advice is not to rely on others for that which you can (and should) provide for yourself. If you knew today that he would default on his “promise”, would you stop going to school? If not, then finish your education and get a job to pay it off. If you can minimize your debt, that is always a good idea - by working, looking for scholarships, etc…not by shifting the burden to someone else who is obviously unwilling to assume it!</p>
<p>I lost CC connection before I could edit my above post. Consider that one changed to:</p>
<p>What year are you in school?</p>
<p>How much are you supposed to borrow EACH year?</p>
<p>What does your dad mean by saying that he’ll help pay? Does he know what your payments will be? Has he said that he will pay all, ¾, ½, or what???</p>
<p>Hey, you could ask your dad a question in an email and then save his response! 
You could write something like this in an email to your dad…</p>
<p>Dad, you’ve said that you’ll help me pay back my loans after I graduate. Since I will have borrowed _______ by the time I graduate, and my payments will be ____________per month for 10 years, how much will you be able contribute each month during the 10 year loan repayment period?</p>
<p>And, then print out his response, and save it. Also, save the email!</p>
<p>I think it’s sad that you don’t trust your dad, but that’s not grounds to try to hold him to what sounds like a very vague committment.</p>
<p>Sadly, there are parents out there that “promise the moon” and don’t even deliver a sliver, so it’s likely that this student has had her hand bit too many times and rightly fears that her dad will keep his word. (apologies if student is a male.) By sending dad an email and then keeping his response, then later the dad can’t weasel out by claiming that he never made any such promise.</p>
<p>To momstocollegekids: I’m in my third year. He specifically said he would pay half aka 50% of my total loan amount once graduating. I borrow nearly 6k a year. No, I don’t work at the moment as I’m trying to keep up my grades. The accounting major is very tough and competitive.</p>
<p>And what do you do in the summer? How do you pay for your car, cell phone, clothes, etc? I know a few accounting majors and was one once myself, working about 30 hours a week, and still managed to find time for a few student organizations that were important to me and graduate with a 3.9. It’s really not that tough if you manage your time correctly and the right jobs in college can pay off with good offers after graduation. If you’re going to make it in the business world, you’ve got to learn to multi-task, manage your schedule, and start networking, and college is the perfect time to do that. I think if you’re worried about your finances you should consider working.</p>
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<p>Dad seems to have provided his kid with an adequate lifestyle while his kid has repaid him with mistrust and doesn’t care to work to help support herself. What would this email do? Provide some kind of grounds for legal action or just provide justification for a young person to feel entitled to more than the parent was willing or able to provide? It just seems manipulative, greedy, and pathetic…</p>
<p>*What would this email do? Provide some kind of grounds for legal action or just provide justification for a young person to feel entitled to more than the parent was willing or able to provide? It just seems manipulative, greedy, and pathetic… *</p>
<p>I don’t think that is necessarily so. There are kids who have been duped into believing that parents will pay for this or than, but when money was due, the parent had a “convenient memory” and denies ever making such a claim. At least with an email record, the parent could not make such a denial. </p>
<p>I think it’s very odd that the dad isn’t contributing towards college costs in “real time” but claims he’ll do so in the future (by helping with loan payments). Sounds fishy to me.</p>
<p>To mom2kidscollege: thank you for totally understanding why and what i feel about this situation. I think it’s fishy that he’s not contributing to half of it now as well. I mean he’sa not a millionaire, but he makes well well well well above minimum wage.</p>
<p>kittycat:</p>
<p>Only take out loans that you are comfortable paying back on your own. </p>
<p>Your dad could be hit by a meteor and leave you nothing. Thus, you must take out loans ONLY if you know you will pay for them 100%.</p>
<p>Your distrust is not unreasonable. However, the best approach is to assume that there will not be any help with the loan. If it does happen that he pays–treat it like an unexpected gift.</p>
<p>In other words, plan as if he isn’t going to pay.</p>
<p>Drop the resentment and other gamemanship ideas (getting him to sign a note, an email, etc.) Take the hint that your dad wants you to be more independent even if some of his signals are mixed. </p>
<p>He is not obligated to even have you living in his home. Concentrate on the parts of your relationship that are freely given and good–and move on in areas where there is a lack of seeing things eye to eye.</p>
<p>"The point is my dad promised he would help and I would like to rest assured that he will. However, I have my doubts for various reasons and he keeps telling me to get more loans. "</p>
<p>From what you’ve said, your father’s word is NOT his bond. The only reason I can think of for his unwillingness to have the loans in his name, too, is that he doesn’t plan to help repay the loans.</p>
<p>Consequently, take out only the amount of loans that you feel that you can repay. Most students take out a total of $17,000 to pay for 4-years of college. I don’t recommend taking out more.</p>
<p>I think I’d just assume, for now, that you’ll have to pay it all, given that your father is unreliable. He shouldn’t have promised if he didn’t intend to pay, but it sounds like he’s done this kind of thing before and then reneged.</p>
<p>The only reason I can think of for his unwillingness to have the loans in his name, too, is that he doesn’t plan to help repay the loans.</p>
<p>That could be. Or, he may have thought that the student loans would be a lower rate. Or, he thought a loan in his name would hurt his credit rating for some other purpose.</p>
<p>Anyway…I still think it’s odd that he’s not paying anything for current college costs. My parents never made a lot of money and had 7 kids, but they paid for our books, our food, outfitted our dorms, and paid for whatever else they could. They would have paid for more, but they were simultaneously paying for Catholic school tuition for the siblings.</p>
<p>Is there a mom in the picture?</p>
<p>When I started college my father also said he’d pay my loans for me if I would take them out, my parents were divorced and I didn’t see my father regularly (he lived many states away) but he did pay support and was helping with college but said he needed me to take the loans I could and he’d pay them back.</p>
<p>He didn’t. I survived, I paid them off, granted I did have to occassionally use a deferrment and forbearance requests as I also started a family very young but getting my degree was important to me and I knew I could depend on myself to do it since I couldn’t depend on him (my Mom was as generous as she could be but we didn’t have a whole lot). I also worked regularly and paid my way through school.</p>
<p>I know he promised, so did mine, and you don’t yet know if he will or won’t pay so assume he won’t and plan what you will do to manage then consider it a bonus if he does pay.</p>
<p>^^I had hoped we would be able to help our 2 pay theirs but never said anything about it to them. Sometimes parents really want to or hope to do something but best not to make promises you are not 100% sure you can keep. In our case I am really glad we didn’t say anything as with the way our finances have been hit the last couple of years it is unlikely we can afford to do so. If it ends up we can then it will be a nice surprise for them. But in all honesty they should be in a better position to repay them as they are at the beginning of their earning lives and we are at the end of ours (my husband has been retired for several years and has health problems and really high prescription costs). So the best thing is to plan to repay your own debt and if something else transpires then it is a nice bonus.</p>
<p>Swimcat -exactly - I was very upfront with my daughter that hers were hers to handle and while I may be able to help, we don’t yet know what life will be like then and she knows already we’ve been hit hard by medical issues in the family and is prepared to pay them herself. I’ll be thrilled if we can help but won’t know until we get there!</p>
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<p>Now I’m confused. Are these federal Stafford loans? In that case, the father can’t have them in his name, even if he wanted to, can he? If these are private loans, how can this unemployed student qualify for them without her father as a cosigner?</p>
<p>Mom2collegekids: wHEN I APPLIED for the loans, they asked for my Dad’s income. So they wanted me two get my dad’s w-2 forms just to verify his income and how many were living in the household. He called fasfa and asked whether or not by him giving the w-2’s he’d be responsible for the school loans. Why would you ask that? That was when i first took out the loans a year ago. Then he claimed later He’d help pay. However, he wanted me to get a loan for books, supplies and food at school. Recently he brought another person into the household a women my dad began dating. The woman he’s dating doesen’t work, but lives with us. So now for this coming semester fasfa said i’m elgible for some grant money since ther’s now 3 people in the household (same income). Whereas, before there were only 2 people me and my dad. So when he found out i would be getting a grant he said to take the grants and take out more loans for books, supplies, food at school etc. Shouldn’t he be like take the grants and don’t take out more school loans foor books,supplies and food cause i’ll cover it? Also he claimed he didn’t add to the loan becuse he would effect his credit.</p>
<p>My mom is on disability, lives by herself and literally makes barely enough to cover her rent, utilities, and food.</p>
<p>Sillyshade, that’s exactly what I’m worried about and it happen to you; I’m sorry to hear that.</p>
<p>I personally feel that if a parent is financially capable that they should help their kids with college expenses. College isn’t a luxury if you want to make above 10 bucks an hour and survive. It’s 2010 and in todays job market a high diploma is just simply not good enough.</p>
<p>annikasorsen, you’re rude plain and simple.</p>
<p>What type of grant did you receive - Pell or something the school funds?</p>
<p>The school is still in the process of determining how much in grants i will recieve. The school claims that it take 5-6 weeks from the time I updated my application. Here’s what the fasfa form said when I updated it a few weeks ago. Based on your EFC= 4069 you “appear” to be elgible for up to 1500 in pell grants. You may also be eligible for other state, federal, or institutional grants,scholarships, and/or work study. Thus, i know I will get some pell grant money, but the amount is not set in stone. The last two semesters i was only elgible for student loans.</p>