What do you do with an "odd" child w/unique extra-curricular background?

Parents Forum
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<p>"I’m more concerned with the OP’s mention of “coming out of her black hole” and being put on anti-depressants to stabilize her mood. With her inability to relate to peers and her history of mental health issues, what will happen when she is away at college without the daily emotional support of her mother? "</p>

<p>I agree, and that’s another reason why I think a structured gap year could be appropriate. Coming out of depression and a difficult high school experience, it also would be hard for her now to know what she wants in a college experience.</p>

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<p>Gwen, I am the poster you quote and although I completely agree that inanity is a huge issue in HS, the op’s daughter doesn’t seem to be able to connect to even a small group of peers. I live in pretty conserative fly over state, my son high school was packed with stupidity, but he was still able to connect with SOME peers (he was intellectually miles ahead of peers and had to really strain to find some academic challenge). </p>

<p>In my observation, “ostracism” is pretty rare and is reserved for students with real interpersonal issues-- everyone else finds at least a small number of peers out of the 1000 plus in the school that they can be comfortable with. When combined with the history of depression and medication, I really question whether the op’s daughter has the maturity and skills for college yet.</p>

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<p>Re the “black hole” period</p>

<p>As someone who battles depression I take a different view of “support system.”<br>
A change of environment with parental support by phone may be better than living day in & day out in an environment perceived to be toxic.</p>

<p>If the OPs D has many contacts with Peace Corp, etc I would urge her to investigate the contacts’ college backgrounds.</p>

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<p>For what it’s worth - here’s a link to a list of universities and colleges that produce the most Peace Corps volunteers:</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.peacecorps.gov/news/resources/stats/pdf/schools2008.pdf[/url]”>http://www.peacecorps.gov/news/resources/stats/pdf/schools2008.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I thought Oldfort and Gwen Fairfax offered sound advice, and JHS sound caution. I think Goucher (very quirky, caring and international) was a good suggestion, as were Haverford, Bryn Mawr and Swarthmore, whose Quaker tradition she would fit. Reed comes to mind, and Bard and Oberlin (and others) were good thoughts, too. In short, lots of fine options.</p>

<p>Sadly, I know no option for the many girls who are subjected to vicious mockery by other girls. I was startled to see how much more bullying and harassment of girls is done by other girls than by boys.</p>

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<p>Chicabuena </p>

<p>No matter what happens you have a wonderful child who will make her own way no matter what is thrown at her. </p>

<p>Interesteddad has offered to help, take him up on the offer. He is one of the, if not the, most knowledgeable posters on this site. In addition to his knowledge he is wise. His knowledge makes him helpful, his wisdom makes him comforting. </p>

<p>Loren Pope’s books on college and college admissions are helpful.</p>

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<p>If she’s really not especially interested in academics, Reed and Swarthmore would be terrible choices. If she wants to continue her extra-curricular focus, it would seem like she ought to be closer to a big city than Bates or Bowdoin.</p>

<p>Personally, I think if she has trouble socially she ought to look at a bigger school than an LAC. American or GW in DC seems like they’d be ideal.</p>

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<p>I just wanted to mention Macalester as a college where MANY of the incoming freshmen have spent time abroad. Lots of former exchange students, and plenty of other students who have done community service abroad. They love quirky students and are not quite as hard to get into as some of the other schools listed.</p>

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<p>I might get blasted for saying this on here, but has the OP considered a college outside of the US for undergrad? It may enable your daughter to find schools where a greater proportion of students have a global perspective and genuine international experience, or at least a much lesser proportion of students who have had to devote their highschool years to playing the ‘get into college’ game.</p>

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<p>Starbright has a point. Take a look at St Andrews and its sustainable development program.
<a href=“http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/media/ugsustaindevel.pdf[/url]”>http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/media/ugsustaindevel.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I am fairly confident that my world is less glittery than that of the OP’s kid. It is not a world, however, where kids with three years of high school and weighted gpas of 3.6 at an affluent suburban high school get into Harvard or Stanford or UChicago without being a URM, legacy, recruited athlete or development case. Well, there might also be an exception for a kid who is super-accelerated in math but weak in areas outside of math & science. (Does the high school in question rank? If so, what is this kid’s class standing?) </p>

<p>And, I don’t see why JHS is turning up his nose at Simon’s Rock. Mia Farrow/Woody Allen’s kid–whose globe-trotting credentials and test scores were at least comparable to those of the OP’s D–went there for two years. Yes, he was younger than she will be. But it’s academically a good place and is filled with kids who also wanted “out” of high school. They go on to high ranking colleges. I honestly think that it would be a good place for her to investigate. IMO, it certainly is not “beneath” her, as JHS’s post implies. The USC program might also be a good option. </p>

<p>Look, I’d love to be proven wrong. But this is the board that constantly proclaims “Love thy safety.” I have NO doubt that no matter what I write, this kid will throw her hat into the ring for some of the very top colleges. If it works, it does. I’ll be happy to congratulate her.</p>

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<p>“If she’s really not especially interested in academics, Reed and Swarthmore would be terrible choices.”</p>

<p>I’m a huge fan of these schools, but it does indeed matter greatly what she want to do during college. These schools would place heavy, perhaps extreme, demands on her time.</p>

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<p>As a college student (at Wesleyan, one of the college mentioned a lot on this thread), I agree with the people who think taking a year off and doing something like Americorp (or even coing abroad) might be a good idea. While I agree that someplace like Wesleyan (quirky, lots of activists, etc) could be a good place for the OPs D if she gets in, I have two concerns about the OP’s D going right now:</p>

<p>A) Unless I missed it, the OP’s D’s main reason for wanting to get out of high school now seems to be mainly social, and her main passion is not academic. I know several people who skipped the last year of high school and went straight to college. The ones who did it primarily for academic reasons ended up doing well (academically and socially), the one who did it primarily for social reasons ended up not liking college much. So unless the OP’s D has a strong desire that I’m just missing to go to college right now (as opposed to get out of high school right now – they are different), my guess is that she’d enjoy a year off more, as that would allow her to pursue her passion for helping people with full force. Because, in the end, even colleges that aren’t as intense as Reed and UChicago are primarily about academics, and it might be nice to let her focus on something else (since what she wants to do is totally worthwhile) without it negatively effecting her academic performance, which could happen.</p>

<p>B) The fact of the matter is, even the intelligent, passionate, well traveled, diverse activists I know are also shallow sometimes. They care about shopping, or are sometimes mean about people, or like frivolous TV – almost no one is serious all the time. Although it’s possible that everyone at the OP’s D’s high school is really terrible, my guess is the OP’s D could also use some help in learning to socialize with her peers. I think she could learn a lot by spending time with other people her age who are also passionate about helping people, and that would probably make the transition to college easier. </p>

<p>Just my 2 cents.</p>

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<p>Good post, Weskid. It’s valuable to get a student’s point of view.</p>

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<p>OP, I know this is going to sound simplistic, but . . .</p>

<p>1 - concentrate first on the kind of college that interests HER; for example, she could scan through Fiske and look at some of the schools already mentioned here; her deliverable is a list of schools - 2-3 handsfull that sound interesting to her</p>

<p>2 - I’d dog-ear a list for her that’s quite broad - 20-30 schools - including big/small, academically challenging/academicaly looser, more traditional/less traditional; she’ll start gravitating toward the kinds of schools she wants; include schools where her SATs place her in the top 25% and those that place her in the middle 50%</p>

<p>3 - if she balks at doing that work that might be a good indicator that she’s really not ready for academia right now, which is fine; many kids would rather do than study, or need some time to settle down; being ready to be out of HS does not mean ready for college</p>

<p>4 - you dismissed “Colleges That Change Lives” because of the title; that’s a mistake, because that book is about figuring out what you want from a college; and even with all the info you’ve provided about DD that’s not clear </p>

<p>5 - at the same time you can start researching schools that explicitly admit HS juniors (e.g., Oberlin, U Chicago) or that lean toward the on-traditional student (e.g., Reed, Bard); hopefully they’ll be some consonance between her list and yours</p>

<p>6- from that sorted list see if she wants to visit: go to the schools; visit a class; do an overnight; the deliverable will be whether she can imagine herself there doing what those students are doing; again, reluctance to do that is a signal; </p>

<p>7 - if she ends up with liking 4-6 schools that seem to fit her and that do entertain the notion of taking HS juniors, then . . Apply!!!</p>

<p>I’m deliberately ignoring a lot of the specific information you’ve provided about DD and the prognostications about whether she’d get into any of these schools, because it seems to me that the most important thing ISN’T which college is right; it’s to set up a process you both can use to explore WHETHER college is a good idea now and,if so, what KIND of college would help her thrive and grow</p>

<p>Kei</p>

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<p>“She will be going into community college over the summer to pick up a few more credits”
Whoa,
OP, IF your D is planning on graduating this spring AND unless these college credits are going to be part of her HS Transcript, then your D will most likely be only allowed to apply to colleges AS A TRANSFER STUDENT, not as an incoming freshman. I hope she and you recognize that. College applications require applicants to list any COLLEGES they have attended as a student. This will have a HUGE negative impact on her chances of acceptance at many selective colleges, including many of those those suggested on this thread, and at other colleges as well. The reason is there are far, far fewer openings for transfer students than for freshman. At most top 4 year colleges openings only happen if other students decide to leave, and most top colleges, especially LAC, retain 95% or more of their freshman class. If she is interested in applying to larger public U’s then her chances of acceptance as a transfer student will be greatly improved.</p>

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<p>Thanks wjb!</p>

<p>I also really like Kei-o-lei’s post – I agree that the process she listed would be a good way to figure out what kinds of schools the OP’s D would like, and whether she is actually interested in more school right now.</p>

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<p>I hadn’t picked up on the community college summer plan. Unless she is going to be going to a public college, that sounds like a really bad idea. I don’t think it would make her apply as a transfer student – she wouldn’t be taking those courses until after she applied to college and was accepted, if I understand the plan correctly. But it’s completely unlikely that any of the colleges we have been discussing here would accept those credits to “balance out her freshman load” as you put it. And if she takes a gap year before applying, those credits could in fact poison the admissions well for her as suggested by menloparkmom and jonri.</p>

<p>But maybe that’s what you want. It could be a perfectly good plan to go to a local public university, remain close to (even in) home, not necessarily to be a full-time student (but when she turns 18 watch out for health insurance issues!), and to split time between progress towards a college degree and travelling to the ends of the earth figuring out which children to save and with what.</p>

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<p>“I don’t think it would make her apply as a transfer student”
It would under the rules for applying for admission at most private colleges. Students are required to list and send transcripts from any colleges they have attended prior to matriculating at that college. If the college finds out that a prior college attended was not disclosed that is grounds for expulsion.</p>

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<p>I get that the OP’s D has SATs in the low 700, which is not bad at all. She is currently enrolled in community college classes.
I also sympathize with her feeling of being marginalized because she is different. I’m currently helping an 8th grader from an Asian country whose classmates cannot believe the good grades she is receiving (of course, she studies ALL the time!) and make no bones about it.
I’d just want to make sure that the black hole was solely due to external factors and not some underlying medical issue that would need to be monitored, as it would probably affect the selection of college location.</p>

<p>I have a number of questions:<br>
1.Will she be able to receive a high school diploma by the end of spring? Some colleges accept students without a diploma, others insist on the diploma.
2. Does she want to apply to colleges that require SAT Subject tests? And if so, has she taken them yet?
3. Will she require finaid?
4. Can she line up great recommendations from teachers and GCs?</p>

<p>I agree with Interesteddad that much will depend on how she presents herself in her application. Some colleges would very much welcome a student with an unusual profile. The “one trick pony” approach would be the one I’d recommend as well in this case.</p>