In several parts of the south (although not FL, in my experience), we’ve been asked if we’ve found a “church home” or what church we attend. That’s often been followed by an invitation to the questioner’s church or a rather disdainful “Oh!” with no further interaction.
I don’t care for the practice of asking about religion but I’d rather get it out of the way early if there’s any chance I might associate with the person again. Years ago, our kids became friendly with some kids they met at the Y. They were invited for a play date only to be uninvited by the mother as soon as she learned we practiced the wrong religion. She justified her rudeness by saying that her family were “real” Christians and she didn’t want her children to be “unequally yoked.” I remarked that they were under 12 and hardly thinking about a lifetime partner.
I think that SAHMs (or SAHDs) might be valued or respected a bit more these days than when our kids were little, or maybe it’s just the folks we know.
As a SAHENW, I’d sometimes say I did private investment management. It was true, but I didn’t specify that I only had two “clients.” Once I passed 60, I started saying I’m retired. People either reply with some version of “That must be nice!” (most common) or ask what I retired from. The answer generally depended on who asked and the circumstances.
As someone who was a SAHM for 10 years, I can tell you I never had a negative comment. I sure had some rude stuff said when my kids were young and I was working! And I live in D.C. Metro area!
I ask people this question and like another poster upthread, I use the answer to find common conversation ground. If someone is not in the paid work force I find out about their kids, pets, hobbies, interests, volunteer activities, etc. All great stuff for conversation.
You were lucky to never have gotten a negative comment. I had people tell me everything from being a SAHM of an only child wasn’t “really parenting” to flat out telling me that I wasted my education. Thankfully it was never from anyone who really mattered but still not great to hear.
We ask potential clients what they do because we do not work for attorneys. No joke. The only times we’ve been threatened with litigation has been with lawyers. In our experience, they think they know more about our business than they really do and when they think we charge too much their reflex is to bring up legal action.
I don’t see why someone would lie about their occupation. We don’t ask about the family. It’s a risk, granted. It’s discouraging to have to vet clients. We try not to work for developers we don’t know, either, since they can try to cut corners. We’re structural engineers.
If they know you won’t work with them if they are an attorney and they know you don’t verify that, you have given them an incentive to lie about what they do (at least assuming they want to work with you which otherwise why would they go there).
Do they need to be a practicing attorney or just have gone to law school?
At some point you didn’t know every developer. What does it take to know one? Actually work with them (which how can you do that if you only work for those you know) or just hear about them in the industry?
They won’t know ahead of time that we don’t work for lawyers. We don’t advertise it. I have a friend in Texas who’s an architect snd he said it’s their firm’s policy, also. That’s how prevalent the issue is.
Maine is a small community. We know the reputable developers.
Oh, and our liability insurance broker, who has decades of experience in claims, said that not only lawyers but doctors are quick to bring claims against engineers. We haven’t seen that with our clients, though.
We’ve never had a claim brought against us in 22 years of business which is pretty amazing in our profession.
I’m an introvert, but I actually have some stock answers for those questions, that can actually lead to a more interesting conversation that just what sort of architecture I do.
Heh. When S1 was completing the draft version of his UMD app, he filled in H’s occupation as “faceless government bureaucrat.” Only realized after he submitted the final version that he didn’t change it.
H adopted it as his answer to the “What do you do?” question. The reality is that he’s an attorney with very specific subject expertise in a fairly obscure corner of the markets.
As for me…many hats over many years. Many of the people I know now don’t really know about my career. They just know about the medical story.
My H hates that I don’t have an appropriate answer to that question. Hobbies, volunteering and commissioned projects are insufficient.
I’m not offended by being asked what I do, how I fill my time…any of those things. But, I really don’t love talking about myself, especially to people I don’t know well (yes, I am an introvert). I’d much rather listen. Lucky for me the world is full of people who like to talk about themselves If asked what I do, I usually give a short answer. It must sound pretty boring because other than asking about whether I get free tuition for my kids (I work at a University), I don’t get too many follow up questions (which is fine by me). People find my husband’s work much more interesting, so the conversation usually centers on that. Again, fine by me!
In social situations where chit chat needs to be made I’m more likely to ask something along the lines of, “How do you know (mutual acquaintance)?” or “How old are your children?” or something like that. If someone were to say, “I just got back from a business trip to (somewhere)” then I would probably ask what they did. To me, that’s just reading the room and taking conversation clues from others.
When I was a kid, we lived in a NYC suburb. Most of the kids were 1st or 2nd generation, with parents or grandparents who came from “the other side” as we called it. Most of us were either catholic or Jewish. A very common question was “what are you”, meaning what is your ethnic background, where were your grandparents from? I never thought of it as rude or as suggesting that someone didn’t belong here. Years later, living in the SF Bay area, my roommate said she thought that sort of question was rude and offensive. I can see how if followed up with “Where are you really from…” could be rude.
I also don’t hear that question as much, as the ethnic identity become more diluted. I probably knew where most of my friends ancestors came from, but I doubt that my kids have any idea (except for who celebrates which holidays).
I also don’t find the “do you work” (or these days “are you still working” as people start to retire) offensive, unless people are judgmental about the answer.
If asked what I do, I usually give a short answer. It must sound pretty boring because other than asking about whether I get free tuition for my kids (I work at a University), I don’t get too many follow up questions (which is fine by me). People find my husband’s work much more interesting, so the conversation usually centers on that. Again, fine by me!