what do you guys think of my personal statement? I need the mean honest truth!

<p>Personal Statement #1</p>

<p>Prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<pre><code>Seeing life from the 17 years that I’ve lived here in East Side San Jose I’ve experienced many obstacles that have made me grow and shaped me to become the person that I am today. Growing up being first generation, being the middle child, having both my parents go to jail and both deported at different times put a lot of unneeded weight onto my shoulders and stress and depression into my life. As I grew up I never really knew of my parents residence status until it all happened one day and it shocked everyone and they were both forced out of the country for ten years. Then from that day on, I knew that their only way here to the U.S in the past was when they got a visa for my oldest brother who is handicap so that they can find a cure for him and return to their country after but they never did. As time progressed and my parents were gone it quickly taught me to be responsible at age 14. Even though we lost our home and almost ended up in homeless shelters I tried to fight and use school as a distraction regardless of how bad my grades had gotten. But their were also many days where I just wanted to give up and I felt so lost in my life without my parents, during that time I mentally and physically became very ill and had to go to therapy but I knew that I had to fight for my future so that I could be successful and I had to be a good role model to my two younger brothers and be a good sister as well. My parents were never supportive of me because I was a girl, I was always treated as if I meant nothing but I tried to stay involved with school and take my mind of stress so I could bring my grades up. As time started to heal me from the pain and depression that was caused I started becoming very grateful and thankful for the opportunities that I was given like to be able to get an education and be successful. I was also very grateful to have been born normal and healthy because seeing my brother handicap and not being able to do a single thing broke my heart into pieces. From that time on I considered myself as blessed to be given the opportunities I had even though my life wasn’t perfect. I then started to slowly bring my grades up and I started to reflect back on what I considered what true success meant to me and how others defined it as. I then realized what the true meaning of success was to me because after watching my parents come here to the U.S and struggle and having to face so many struggles and sacrifices I realized that the true meaning of success is when your success and the knowledge that you have gained can help others and your community. That is when someone is truly successful and in the near future I hope to share my success with others in ways that I can help them.
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<p>…but *there were also many days where…
too many run on sentences
too depressing, but the end makes it better ( work on making it less whiny?–i dont want to seem harsh)</p>