How come some kids are so clear about their future or at least have clear interests while others have no idea of what they want to do just not anything that’s lucrative or gets recommended by the parents?
Because the range of what constitutes normal behavior is huge and encompasses those extremes. Most kids have some idea of “interests” but not always clear on how to translate that to a major or career.
I agree. My daughter loves photography but isn’t sure how/if to pursue making a living from it. So when people ask what she wants to major in, she says she doesn’t know.
Relative emotional intelligence
Also young adults who might be rebellious toward their parent’s recommendations may not be so rebellious as time goes on and they start to experience adult life, choices, and opportunities.
This has nothing to do with emotional intelligence. There are several reasons some kids might not know what they want to “do” career wise including: lack of exposure to a variety of career options, a wide range of interests or talents, etc.
One of my kids knew what his college major would be and (in a general sense) what his career field would be by the time he was in ninth grade. He’s 30 now, and he did complete that major and is now working in that career field.
I find this unfathomable. How could anyone be so sure, so early?
I don’t think it’s emotional intelligence or maturity. He didn’t seem to excel in those areas in high school. He just happened to know what he wanted to do, and it turned out to be a good choice for him.
Yup, some know without question what they want to do, and others have no idea. Both, and everything in between are normal for young people.
I’m not saying that it’s not normal or kids should make definitive choices in their teen years. Its just that some really bright kids seem so clueless while some very mediocre students seem so clear about what they want, even though you know that there is a very remote chance that they’ll make a rocket scientist or brain surgeon with their grades. Ones who have abilities and better odds, show no interest.
I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think it has anything to do with intelligence.
My D wanted to be a mathematician when she was 9, a quantum physicist when she was 12, and a computer scientist when she was 14. Now at 20 she is in a CS PhD program. Pretty consistent I think. She was never tested for IQ; but if I had to guess, I’d say it would be above 150.
I used to work with a programmer whose IQ, if I had to guess, would be above 150. He had a BA in mathematics (3.95 GPA). Then he decided to go to dental school. He opened a dental clinic and was very successful. But a few years later he decided to go back to a trade school to learn programming. He worked as a software engineer for a few years. Now he is a hardware designer, specializing in… power supply. He still owns the dental clinic and keeps his license updated, “just in case.”
“I’m not saying that it’s not normal or kids should make definitive choices in their teen years. Its just that some really bright kids seem so clueless while some very mediocre students seem so clear about what they want, even though you know that there is a very remote chance that they’ll make a rocket scientist or brain surgeon with their grades. Ones who have abilities and better odds, show no interest.”
I don’t see what difference it makes one way or the other. It sounds like having a kid who is unsure is very stressful for you, WorryHurry, and that you wish your kid had a better grip on it.
Knowing young what you want to do with your life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s terrifying and stressful in its own right. Why do we all have to decide at 17 what we want to major in? Unless you’re kid is absolutely sure they never want to pursue engineering/comp sci, they should probably take calc 1 their first semester, but otherwise why can’t it wait until at least after freshman year of college?
Very few of my HS friends who “were clear about their future” ended up with those futures. I can only think of two. The rest of them changed their minds along the way for many different reasons.
Worryhurry, high school kids have exposure to very few jobs - doctor, lawyer, etc. It is silly to think that they should “know what they want to do” when they don’t even have exposure to 1% of the types of jobs out there. Let them get to college and explore different things, take classes, learn about things they didn’t even know existed.
Heck, half the jobs our kids will do haven’t been invented yet. The job that I retired from recently certainly didn’t exist 30 years ago when I graduated college.
I didn’t know for sure what I wanted to do but I knew I didn’t want to do anything high pressured or corporate. That’s just not me.
I’m a PhD student in history now (despite taking all of one class in history as an undergrad) and have only ever worked for one for-profit company that wasn’t a family business (I’ve worked for both my dad and grandfather).
My partner always wanted to work with kids so he got a degree and has worked with kids since graduating. He knew what he wanted early on and stuck with it.
I think it has zero to do with intelligence. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do because I had so many interests. Others are laser focused.
There are jobs and careers that high school teenagers have never even heard of. One thing leads to another, you meet someone who introduces you to someone else, you take a random summer job, you take some silly core class that fits your schedule and realize you love it…
I have known a guy for 35 years who is now well known world wide, travels extensively, is quoted and interviewed and writes (and publishes) articles on a particular, endangered, large animal found in national parks … All stemming from a summer job he took with the park service. His original major had literally nothing to do with his eventual career track.
“How did you get that job?”
“Just sort of fell into it.”
“I’m gonna kill my guidance counselor!”- Deuce Bigalow:Male Gigolo
From my experience, the kids who have a very clear idea of what they want to be are actually very rare. Sure, I hear medical school or engineering or international law a lot but almost as a default answer - “I’m smart- therefore I have to do one or those things.”
My kid is often looked at as if he has two heads because he wants to be a high school physics teacher (You’re too smart for that! Be an engineer!) And he did start out thinking, I’m good at math and physics - I should be an engineer. But at the same time, he knew he liked talking about those things more than doing them, has a passion for explaining things (which drives me batties - I have no desire to learn physics or calculus at my age…) and he really doesn’t want a desk job. Right now, he feels 100% certain that he wants to teach.
I support him, help him look at programs, etc. But I also tell him, nothing is decided yet. Just because you think you know what you want to be when you are 17 doesn’t mean you have to do it. He may be a physics teacher. He may be an engineer. He may be something he hasn’t even considered yet. And there is nothing wrong with that.
It is important to have open dialogues with your kids about the passions and desires - as well as the practicalities of said desires (teaching salaries have been a big topic of discussion in my house) But it is also completely ok to just not know. That’s the entire purpose of general education requirements at colleges - to expose you to different things.
I was going to be a speech therapist when I went to college. Then I took a political science class and ended up majoring in that with an emphasis in constitutional law. Only to end up being a stay at home mom and full time care giver after my first child was born with significant disabilties. Life is a long road. Only worry about the exit you need next rather than the final destination.
When I was four, I wanted to be a garbage truck, or so they tell me. By six I wanted to be a lawyer. Now I am a lawyer and I want to be retired living on a sailboat in the Caribbean. Some of us are just hard to please.
I don’t think it’s got anything to do with intelligence either. I’ve known smart kids who knew exactly what they wanted and others who took their time getting around to it. I’ve known average kids who knew exactly what they wanted, went into those fields and succeeded-better than some of those smart kids-and other who floundered.
As others have already said-there is so much teens don’t know, so many jobs that don’t exist yet, so many curve balls in life that no one really knows for certain what will happen.
D has known since she was very young she wanted to teach. That’s been her summer job in some form for years, that’s her major in the fall. But she’s figured into her plan that she may do other things, that teaching will be just step 1-maybe. She also gets the “But you’re so SMART! Why be a teacher?” nonsense. But I think that’s exactly what makes a great teacher-one with both the passion teach and intelligence. And frankly, I admire her for not choosing a path that’s all about money for the sake of money. But yes, we keep the dialogue going because I don’t want her to feel either locked in or adrift.
I like advice offered above: “Life is a long road. Only worry about the exit you need next rather than the final destination.”
Of course it has nothing to do with intelligence. And as many people already said, some kids pick a potential career when they have really only been exposed to doctors, lawyers, teachers, and retail workers.
I mean, I never thought “wow, I want to enter a bank management training program and be a community developemnt officer” or “Gee I can’t wait to work for a non-profit” yet I have done both of those things and loved them, found them intellectually interesting, and worthwhile.
To me, that is the beauty of a liberal arts degree. You learn how to learn, how to write and how to think critically - skills you can use in a variety of occupations.