Wow! I wasnt at all on point with my assessment of your comments in the other thread.
The only constructive comment I can make in answering your question is that the student has to be across the board strong, no weaknesses in any of the area’s where these kids are evaluated. Secondly they need to be authentic, who they are has to come through clearly, it cannot be contrived.
Our daughter was accepted at two Ivies and is a Freshman at Harvard.
“To be honest, my son is ruthless. I am pretty sure his teachers and coaches see that, given that they encourage him to be even more ruthless especially when bouncing back from failure. He is also single mindedly focused on results, including grades. Teachers in his school absolutely love him for that.”
What wack high school is your son attending?
The magnet I went to was full of teachers who loved ideas, urged kids to follow their passions and loved nurturing them*. If there is a lament among them today, it’s that they see more and more kids who care only about their grades rather than learning and exploring. Also that they think too many kids do too many ECs rather than aiming for “a thing done well”.
*OK, the math teachers definitely liked the kids who excelled in math tests, but they were more an exception.
How do you define “success”? This sounds like the description of someone who could do as much harm as good. Or are we just talking about money?
What is wrong with Tufts? It seems like an excellent school to consider for a student interested in Brown.
The industry? Which industry is that? And is your son interested in the same industry? I know an Oberlin grad who went on to earn a doctorate at Harvard and is very accomplished in her (scientific) field. Are we talking mathematics, because Williams and Harvey Mudd (and many other elite LACs) are considered topnotch and would be outstanding schools for someone interested in an eventual PhD.
I also know someone who attended Cornell and is in a doctoral program in theoretical math at Princeton. Maybe Cornell would fit the bill for a “safety” for someone for whom any Ivy is better than none?
But, frankly, since both you and your husband attended (different) Ivies, taking advantage of the obvious legacy connections (some of which require an EA or ED application) likely makes the most sense, no?
If your son is that competitive for performing arts and wants to pursue math/physics science then he may have an edge at Princeton. I believe they are still pursuing performing arts students after one of their alumni donated a performing arts facility.
I think my kid’s private counselor would advise your son to do some volunteer work to show he is not just about him, that he does give back to his community, as an example, he may want to use his talents to teach/coach other students, especially underprivileged students. If his sports and arts do not require other’s participation (like piano, violin, golf, tennis, track), he may want to pick up something to show he could play well with others.
People have criticized students for doing some of those activities in trying o get into colleges, but I think those activities can actually teach students to be better people.
There are 2 ways to get A’s.
One is to strive to get the A, because getting the A is the most important thing.
The other is to have passion for the subject material, be truly interested in learning new things - and the A is a result of that. And sometimes it’s an A minus, and that’s ok - if you learned something new (about the material, about yourself), that’s what counts.
If you want your son to think along the lines of students who get into top schools, you would be well served to teach him about the second approach. He, and you, seem to think elite schools like the first approach. They can see right through it. No one wants grade-grubbers.
And if he get shut out with an all-reach application list the second time (after the gap year)?
Really, he needs a safety that he likes, even though he would be highly competitive for super-selective schools with top-end academics, top-end test scores, and state or nationally ranked sports and/or other ECs (of course, good essays and recommendations are also necessary, although the quality of recommendations is not fully under his control).
As an aside, a gap year is best done because it is something that matches the student, not just because the student got shut out of all colleges applied to and does not want to start at the community college (the default safety).
Typo…or has this 14 year old been doing these two ECs since birth?
Note that state or national level performance in a sport is not necessarily the same as being recruited for the sport – indeed, some student athletes have no intention on playing intercollegiate sports, or their sport is one that no (or very few) colleges care to recruit for. Nevertheless, it still counts as a high level performance in an extracurricular, which is likely close to necessary (though not sufficient) for most applicants to super-selective schools.
I agree with you, @oldfort, but somehow I don’t think the OP is very concerned about her son becoming a better person… at least it hasn’t shown up in any of the OP’s posts so far.
OP- you are trying to solve the wrong equation. Your question should be,“What should we do with our son who has so much intellectual potential and personal ambition to make sure we launch a successful adult into the real world?”
You will get much more useful answers.
My son graduated from MIT; during his interview the alumnus told him, “we are being encouraged by the admissions office to highlight kids who we think can handle getting their first C” to which my son responded, “Fantastic. I’ve already got that covered!”
And he had. Terrible foreign language student. He worked his tail off to bring the grade to a B but it was a mercy B by teachers who loved his tenacity and good humor about his tin ear.
Crafting the perfect child with the 4.0 GPA and scores of awards and more AP’s than a human can handle is a terrible recipe for launching an adult into the real world where there is ALWAYS someone smarter or richer or handsomer than you. And a resilient, kind, successful adult is a person who knows that and is comfortable in his or her own skin.
Maybe if you could dial down the “ruthlessness” and ramp up some self awareness and emotional intelligence, you will get to the finish line (college graduation) with a kid who is energetic and smart and talented and ready to take on the world… and not burnt out, depressed, anxious, ruthless, and unable to function in the real world. My kid knew kids like your son in graduate school (surprisingly, his MIT friends seem nothing like your description of your son) and they never seemed to realize that at some point you can stop worrying about your grades- and just worry about what you are learning and if it’s interesting/absorbing enough to get you where you need to go, and about making professional connections with people who already assume you are smart but do they want to actually have to work with you every day.
Or not. In which case- carry on.
@arwarw, I agree that good recommendations are important, but since neither I nor my son can control that I taught him to simply not worry about it. We approached private school admission the same way. The teachers will write what they will write, there is nothing we can do about it. As for essays, at this point I am not thinking about it as it is ways off in the future.
@AttorneyMother, he has been this way since kindergarten. I am not worried about him burning out.
@pittsburghscribe, I agree with the importance of having failed. Which is why I always have told him that if he has not failed then he hasn’t tested the limits of what he can do. His dad taught him to always set the bar higher than what he has already achieved. He has internalized it very well, and in general recovers from failures (of which there has been many) with renewed rigour to master the challenge next time.
@Pizzagirl, I disagree with your advice that one should only work in familiar, inside the comfort zone situations. Pushing the comfort zone is critical for success. As for what elite American colleges want, I am not sure how you concluded that my son doesn’t have empathy or humanity. That he spends inordinate amounts of time coaching and helping his friends in academics says otherwise to me.
As for the humblebrag, I was rating my son vis-a-vis his peers in his school and not US kids at large. My son is average. I know it as does he. By the way, in second grade my son was also running around with his friends and riding his bike. Trees, however, ever never his favorite, neither were video games, ever. He was also doing math classes in AoPS which he enjoyed thoroughly. You know, there are so many different kinds of kids.
I am not going to disclose my industry as that is personal. I am also not interested in discussing the merits of LACs.
As for the right way to get an A, I would posit that there is no right way. Getting an A doesn’t mean someone didn’t learn anything. Not getting an A however does mean that the student didn’t learn the materials in the exams and classwork/homework well enough. I also do not accept the false dichotomy that one has to give up A’s in order to learn something.
The way my son approaches subjects is this: if he likes it then of course he masters it, and it is hard not to get an A+ after one has mastered a subject. However, if he doesn’t like the subject he still masters it, as he doesn’t know any other way. Then, of course, he gets an A+ in those subjects as well. I have tried to convince him to give up on mastering subjects that he doesn’t like (e.g., science, history) and accept a B. He is not aligned with me on this.
@oldfort, Princeton is likely not a match as my son hates science (but loves math). However, Princeton is a fantastic school and hence worth applying to. As for volunteering, the school requires a few hundreds of hours as a pre-requisite to graduation. Outside of that, we were not planning to push in more volunteering simply to pad the resume. Volunteering is not my son. Also, if he has to find time for volunteering then he will have to give up yet another EC. I already forced him to give up one EC and I simply do not have the heart to force him to give up yet another.
At some point, college becomes less important I think. He enjoys his academics and his ECs so much that to give that up and volunteer seems like the wrong choice to me. But I am actually deeply conflicted over this one issue. I will have to think more about this. I have tried my very best to not push any resume padding activities on him, and I am loath to start now, but it may be important as you say.
@ucbalumnus, if he gets shut out the first year we can then considers safeties post the gap year.
@intparent, Since the definition of a “better person” is completely subjective, that is a discussion I wouldn’t engage in.
@blossom, I appreciate your point of view, but I am not interested in answering that question. I believe that is something for my DH and I to decide without involving strangers. It’s a deeply personal thing as what you would consider to be a “successful adult” may not match our consideration at all. Why bicker over such a thing?
I would say one thing though. If you think our son would end up being unable to function in the real world, then you are very likely wrong. My husband and I both are and work with insecure overachievers and we are able to function in the real world quite well, thank you very much. 
@Thumper1, you may have missed the timeline in my original post. I said those are the projected credentials come application time, or when the kid is nearly 18.
I mean this in the kindest way possible. If finances are not an issue, as they appear not to be, you might be best served in engaging a college counselor who is in the business of “packaging” your child for college admission. They are certainly out there and it strikes me that you might be their most likely client. In fact, if you present your question in the way your first post was laid out, they would be happy that you’d come prepared. As for recommendations for such a service, CC is not the place to find it.
@AttorneyMother, I have been thinking of the same. Do you know where I can find recommendations to good private college counselors? Money is not a concern. I was thinking about engaging Michelle Hernandez.
No suggestions, because that was not our experience. Just suggesting it might be best for your approach. Really, if you want to go that route, surely there are parents in your circle who can make recommendations.
Michelle is going to tell you that your son needs to do some volunteer work, but it would be padding the resume.
@AttorneyMother, May I please ask a question though? If that was not your experience, why do you think it will be best for our approach?
@oldfort, Will the few hundreds of hours of volunteer work required by his school not be enough? And won’t the colleges see straight through it that it was resume padding? His heart will not be in volunteering, that much I know.
Nothing specifically really. But from the tone of your responses, you express certainty about your son and his / your objectives. I just think people who are in that business are in a good position to oblige.
Thank you, @AttorneyMother.
Distinguishing between resume padding and who your S is IS the job of selective college adcoms. So, you’re back to your conundrum. I think that’s what people are trying to tell you.
What else might a private counselor recommend? He should get a paying job. Bus boy, grocery store bagger, server, landscaper. Colleges appreciate that these days.