If he has to “act” to be likable, that’s going to be a problem. Seriously. In college admissions and in life. You may just have to accept that.
Just One Mom – I think that you mentioned MIT as one of the schools that your son would be interested in.
Here’s some of what MIT AdComs are overtly looking for (#'s are mine):
The Match Between You And MIT
Ask any admissions officer at MIT, and he or she will tell you that, while grades and scores are important, it’s really the match between applicant and Institute that drives our selection process. Understandably, we’re often asked what is meant by “the match.” Here are the key components.
1. Alignment with MIT's mission to make the world a better place. Remember that there are many ways to make the world better - we're not looking for applicants to have cured all infectious disease in the world by the time they're fifteen. Tutoring a single kid in math changes the world. Lobbying a senator to change bad policy changes the world. There are thousands of examples.
2. Collaborative & cooperative spirit. The core of the MIT spirit is collaboration and cooperation: you can see it all over the Institute. Many of the problem sets (our affectionate term for homework) at MIT are designed to be worked on in groups; cross-department labs are very common; MIT is known for its interdisciplinary research; the Open Source movement is powerful here; publishing and sharing of results is the center of academic research. Fostering a collaborative environment is an important part of the MIT community. If you enjoy working alone all the time, that's fine! But you're probably not going to be particularly happy here.
3. The character of the MIT community. Our community is comprised of good people. People who take care of each other and lift each other up. People who inspire each other to work & dream beyond their potential. We're looking to admit people who by nature will sustain the qualities of this community.
4. The ability to prioritize balance. Work hard, play hard. Despite what you may have heard, this place is NOT all about work. To be successful here, you must prioritize some measure of down-time. Therefore we like to see that you've prioritized some down-time in high school as well. Question #3a (Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it) is not a trick question. Answer it wisely.
From what you’ve said above, these four areas (especially #1 - #3) may be areas of weakness for your son. While you understandably don’t want to encourage your son to do stuff just to “pad” his resume, these are such great human characteristics to have for lifelong success and personal happiness, that it seems they would be great things to encourage in your son regardless. And I would imagine most other excellent schools – Ivy included – are also, to one degree or another, looking for these qualities as well.
I got the idea he doesn’t like his ECs because you describe him as not good enough to go to the next level, that if he can’t get to Julliard or to the #1 ranking it’s just not worth it at all. I see no joy in that. If he’s in a youth symphony that he likes, why the need for a better one? If he enjoys it, is that not enough? Every athlete does not need to win an Olympic gold medal in order to prove that the sport is worthwhile.
I really think your job as a parent shouldn’t be to plow the way for him to the front of every line, but to find a way to make him enjoy more things. He doesn’t enjoy science? That’s a pretty big piece of the world not to enjoy. He’s not going to be good enough for Juilliard? There are so many other types of music to enjoy, to participate in.
To me, you’ve described a very stiff, unhappy life for a 14 year old. There is not one volunteer activity he’d actually enjoy? Nothing he’d like to try, even if he’d not be the best at it? My daughter also has activities she’s not too fond of, but too bad she still needed to do all the things in life that I considered necessary - reading, writing, riding a bike, swimming. Some of them she learned to tolerate, others she came to actually enjoy.
“I didn’t know that colleges do not like such kids. How do I correct this?”
High grades in rigorous classes are good. If you believe he is ruthless- well, you didn’t say determined or inquisitive or even ‘driven to succeed.’ You said ruthless.
I suggest a paying job (not necessarily ‘pumping gas’) and volunteering not to pad the resume but to fill a gap. You asked what he was missing. A job provides the opportunity to learn valuable real world lessons. To have a boss. To get promoted. To work with others from various backgrounds, to earn his own money instead of you paving his way for everything. To have humility. (And of course, volunteering helps others, but that doesn’t seem what you’re interested in.)
I know the perfect school for this mom and child—U Chicago Its motto is “where fun goes to die” It sounds like such a good fit and match
Also this doesn’t answer your question, but rather looks at it from the opposite direction. Your son’s “ruthlessness” would help him do very well at public Ivies like UC Berkeley and UCLA – where nobody’s going to hold your hand or hand you opportunities on a platter. His ruthlessness would probably help him not just survive, but rise to the top, in those types of large public schools.
I’m sorry…but this thread reminds me of Madame Defarge knitting away (planning…scheming)…I see nothing good coming from this…
She said he’d get some number of hours as a school requirement. Unfortunately, at many schools, the sort of service they come up with is wimpy.
Firstly, I would say I do not read all the posts in this thread that just grows just too fast.
But I think the wisdom in the statement quoted above is a gem. I think I could relate to this.
DS once said he could get along well with everybody in his research group. I heard later the PI took the initiative (without DS asking him) to bat for him somewhat late in his application cycle. (DS is totally not a very “calculating” person - he thought he did not need his PI’s help to get in somewhere (being graduated as a PBK from a top college could at least count for something, right?) Therefore he even did not bother to ask for his (second research group’s) PI’s recommendation – because he thought he had not been working for him long enough. His PI even did not ask for his CV before he started typing away to do him this favor – likely just because he likes him. Also, it seems that in one of the interviews, the interviewer once commented he thinks DS is a very nice person and he would be very happy if he will be in the same line of work as his.
Is it pissible that his real strength is that he is “likable” rather than he is sharp?
Another tidbit I would like to share is that, among his circle of life (among a small class of 100 students), there are no lack of classmates who spend almost all of their waking hours dreaming/scheming/doing something related to the goal of their life. The career is their life. About 1.5 years ago, for a period of more than a month, EVERYONE of them was studying more than 10 hours a day everyday. But no lack of those ambitious ones would try to work 30 to 40 % additional time on top of the “standard” 10 hours in order to be “ahead” of others. Some truly enjoy this non-stop endeavor for the past, say, 10+ years and may be eager to continue like this in the next, say, 7 or 8 years. But in DS’s journey so far, he has seen several cases where some would finally say: “Enough is enough. I am out of this race. My life is more than this.” Some of them may come back to the race after some “unwinding” years. Some may decide not to get back to the race ever again. There is no right or wrong here. It is just a personal choice.
A particular classmate decided to have a “quantum jump”, to become a CS major in the computer science department at Stanford (as a grad school student), going into a totally different career path. It could be a good choice for him. (At least it could take much short time.) Who knows!
Also don’t forget to have him take SAT Subject Tests. And if for MIT, he’d need a math and a science (physics, chem, or bio) subject test.
No, not really. Not at this time.
The Ives stress collaboration in their classes so the OP may want to cross them off her list. They probably aren’t ruthless enough It is all about fit.
As mentioned before, an all-reach application list is just asking for a shut-out (a likely “going off track” possibility). Are you really sure that taking a gap year to retry again is really what he would want to do and what is best for him, compared to attending any of the fine universities that he could apply to as safeties? Unless he would want to take a gap year anyway to do some non-school activity, having that as an unplanned backup plan is unlikely to be a good idea.
@gravitas2, no Duke either.
I can’t say I understand the list, but that doesn’t matter anyway.
The conclusions drawn are amusing.
In any case, with Caltech out of the running, I still say that Oxbridge probably is best for this kid. The tough part here is that they both require interviews. He may well end up at one of the 2 UC’s listed (I’d say that rejection from a few of the privates listed may be tough but this kid seems capable of accomplishing that feat).
@florida26, the U of C certainly did have a good number of kids who are that . . . focused.
Not sure that they’d prefer kids like that now, though (and these days, they have plenty of applicants to choose from).
Indianparent ,
Welcome back from the world of the banned. If your s’s school gets 15% into ivy’s and25% into the top 20, why are you asking the poor plebeians here how to get in? Ask them.
@CalBearsMom, agreed, in a school like Cal/UMich/UCLA, having the type of personality that this kid has may very well be an asset. They can be considered good fits as well.
A ruthless cutthroat grade-grubbing student may be able to get away with being anonymous for longer in a big major at a big school, but gaining a reputation for such may not be the optimal path in many ways.
I apologize for doubting your authenticity. There was one aspect I failed to consider, but now more makes sense.
BTW, it’s not that hard to figure out which HS your son is attending. Not that it matters. However, @jym626 is correct; the guidance staff there should be much more able to guide your son in to one of your desired schools than we are.