What does "show not tell" mean?

Parents Forum
21

As others have mentioned, showing and not telling means bringing personality and creativity to your statement and using examples and experiences to make the account worth reading.

What I don’t think it means, though, is that your entire application should come together as a “coherent story” that tells some neat, clean story about your interests and hobbies. I don’t think any person fits in a box that neatly, much less a teenager in high school who doesn’t have it all figured out yet.

The reason I bring this up is because I think a lot of college students think they have to carefully curate their classes, activities, and hobbies to fit into some narrow narrative, perhaps cutting out other things they are interested in but that don’t fit the “story” they are trying to tell. Or they get to junior and senior year and panic because, much like the majority of people, their interests are kind of all over the place.

You’re a multi-faced person and it is OK for you to have many interests! It is also OK for you to explore those many interests in high school, college, and beyond.

That doesn’t mean you can’t illustrate a story out what you have done - but it does mean that you may need to think more deeply about your story and what it says about you. Maybe the story isn’t “I love biology” (which honestly is pretty simplistic) but “I am deeply interested in how things work, what turns the gears of the natural world,” which explores your stint in psychology club, your volunteer work at an environmental nonprofit, and AP physics classes. Maybe your story is even that you like taking risks and exploring new things, which explains your propensity to throw yourself into something new and work deeply in it for some period of time.

22

Agree, but the essay can cover whatever topic. They aren’t looking to that to prove you love bio o rlove to explore. Rather to see if you show the traits they like, whatever the focus of the essay. And behind that, at some top schools, to see if you get the point.

23

The problem is – that as a whole, the college application is essentially a one-shot effort to convince a college to admit the student in a very competitive field. (Sometimes a two-shot opportunity – an EA or ED deferral can, in some cases, be a very good thing). So yes the application can have all sorts of wonderful information about the applicant – but if another similar applicant does a better job of conveying the message (“pick me! and here’s why:”) - that other applicant is going to get accepted.

Not because the applicant with the weaker messaging is a less deserving student – a close analysis might even show that the student has better credentials all around – but because in a competitive field, one has to get noticed.

24

Active vs. Passive writing. The topic is the topic. This isn’t just for personal statements or why X college? It’s for all the essays and writing samples.Even the Common App EC list (don’t just list, demonstrate - No: Captain of Baseball Team. Yes: As Captain, led overachieving group to District Championship)

Editing is key. It will amaze and inspire (as opposed to “you will really like how it sounds and makes you feel”). Focus on what you are trying to convey (the message) and use active, succinct language to accomplish.

25

Luckily for everyone, I don’t work in an Admissions Office. I hate bragging, which appears to be compulsory on the applications–done subtly, to be sure, but not exactly below the threshold of detection.

I like juillet’s comment #20. My life has no coherent narrative at this point, and it certainly did not when I was 17. Furthermore, I have no idea what any of my actions actually says about me. (Well, I am suspect that lookingforward could contribute that I am an obstructionist over-thinker with the wrong ideas on most topics . . . :slight_smile: ). My belief is that people are too complex–even at 17–to have any kind of “story” that can fit into 1000-3000 words. Yeah, yeah, I know, select one facet and describe that, while showing that you get some elusive “it.” But I have to wonder whether good raconteurs make the best students.

Certainly I agree that top-college admissions is a competitive field. But it seems to me that the competition should be restricted to the qualities that really make for the best students to select (across multiple dimensions of “best”). Otherwise, you might as well add an egg race to the admissions process, and have ratings for that. I am sure that success in egg-racing indicates some desirable qualities in a student.

26

My d started her essay with a hooker. It started in a time or place with no background information. It then explained her feelings before you knew where she was. And it explained why she felt that way. Reading in between the lines you knew she had a health problem but only alluded to it. Its a story where the reader learns snippets of you without directly saying it.

27

Here is a suggestion that might actually have some practical value: If a student wants to show that he/she has a quality that the top colleges value, it might be useful for the student to ask a trusted adult outside the family what characteristics the other adult notices in the student. It may be hard for a student to identify his/her own particular strengths. This phenomenon is related, I believe, to the phenomenon that outsiders may think that a student resembles an aunt or uncle, while the student thinks he/she looks nothing like the other person. Similarly, a student may share strengths with family members to the point that the student thinks many people are “like that,” and does not see it as a somewhat unusual characteristic, at least at the level the student manifests it.

Qualities that I might put in this category would include exceptional compassion, generosity, courage, perseverance, hopefulness, steadfastness, high-level curiosity, spatial perception, intuition, gentleness, ability to communicate effectively with animals, and other qualities that you might add. Some of these are going to be more valuable to college communities than others. Musicians and mathematicians usually know that their talents are unusual, but not always.

When I was in college, my undergraduate advisor (who was extremely helpful to me) remarked that I had an unusually strong interest in “truth.” I think this is right, and it is definitely a quality shared in my family, so I had never considered it up to that point.

Alternatively, students may develop strengths in reaction to weaknesses in their families. An outside adult may also be helpful in identifying these. In either case, ideally it should be someone who knows the student well.

28

Not at all – my daughter’s essays were humorous & self-deprecatory. Perhaps it fit the category of humble-bragging - but the essays definitely did NOT have an “I’m wonderful” tone. More along the lines of, “boy, did I look like a doofus when I tried that!” Basic theme on the common app essay was the standard, some challenge that was overcome. Particularly skillful, I think, in that it was also focused on the area of core strength of her application.

Definitely there will a braggy list of ECs & Honors … but essays don’t have to be that way at all.

But the point isn’t to tell the whole life story – the point is to tell the college admissions something true about what the applicant will bring to the college that is relevant to them and to the application process. So all sorts of very important parts of a 17 year old’s life are completely irrelevant – rather, the goal is more like a blurb for a book or a movie preview: pick out highlights and present them in an interesting or engaging way.

29

There was absolutely no bragging in my daughter’s essay. Her essay was where she felt the most content and why.

30

A nice little narrative, QM, a story, not the narrative of a kid’s life. Not an attempt to prove anything overt like, “I love physics and here are 6 proofs.” Lol. Not necessary to use the personal statement to tie an interest in physics to this activity and that experience or the feedback from a teacher or relative. That could be a waste of the opportunity. Worse, it may show a misunderstanding of the goal of the PS.

Not the qualities ‘you’ may think one makes a worthy being, but the traits the college looks for, for its class. Spatial perception, intuition? Nah. Maybe you’re toying with us. Nor is it Freudian self analysis. Or revealing the flaws that might make readers SMH. Or braggy, “And then I won the election” or solved world hunger. Or won the game.

The thread topic here is how to show, not just tell.

For a top college, a top candidate should have some understanding of what the college would like to see. That’s not why you love grandpa, because he was a war hero. How is that relevant to them? Not getting over stage fright in 3rd grade. Not communicating effectively with animals. But sure, something that shows how you communicate effectively with a wide variety of others, can reach out. That’s valid in college.

What calmom’s D may have been illustrating was “self awareness” and some humility, definitely perspective. And flexibility, fun. Both of mine wrote about an experience that shifted their view of what mattered, their self perspective, and how that manifested, after.

Let it resonate, come through on its own to the readers. There are many I still remember fondly.

31

On the topic of bragging, I had an admissions officer from one of the very good public schools in my state tell me: “You need to sit down with your daughter and help her with her application (I didn’t tell him anything about her or her abilities, so this was unsolicited advice). One of the things we got frustrated with this year is that kids didn’t brag about themselves enough. They’re taught not to brag, but they need to do it in their applications.”

I also read an article that stated the number one trait that admissions officers from top schools look for is likability. Which I interpreted as witty.

No wonder kids are stressed out. “Brag, but remember, be likable/witty!”

In any case, I didn’t start this thread with only top schools in mind. I think that for ordinary kids (not aiming at or qualified for top schools), it’s perfectly fine for them to write about Grandpa the war hero - maybe the kid is interested in History. Or how they got over stage fright - maybe they want to major in communications. Maybe the animal whisperer wants to be a vet. I’m a forester, and if I was on the committee reading essays at a school with a natural resources or geography program, I’d love to read an essay from a kid with great spatial perception.

We’re making things way too difficult here for the majority of applicants.

32

Yes, my daughter’s essay had an element of that as well.

I wouldn’t interpret it that way at all – “witty” can be likable – though not always. (My daughter’s wit was self-deprecatory, which is likable; but humor that is derogatory towards others can be anything but likable). But a student who can’t be funny in their essay but comes across as nice or caring is also going to be likable.

What tends not to be likable, unfortunately, is arrogance – and it can be hard to “brag” without coming off as arrogant. Which is why showing rather than telling can be more effective.

33

With apologies to rickle1, the “Captain, led his overachieving group to District Championship” sounds like bragging to my ears. I have seen a lot of items on CC suggesting that the colleges want this sort of thing.

Why would a college look for spatial perception in its applicants? Well, they would not look for that, for every major. But a college that wants good architecture majors is going to need students with good spatial perception. The same goes for civil engineers, sculptors, and algebraic geometers. Orthodontists and surgeons will also need this quality, so pre-med and pre-dent students are likely to be more successful later on if they have it, though it might not be directly relevant to their undergraduate performance. The last I knew, dental school applicants had to take a test of spatial perception. All of our engineering majors take a test of spatial perception as undergrads. So, while I would not suggest anchoring an entire essay around the applicant’s eve of spatial perception, there might be a telling anecdote that indicates some other qualities as well, for an applicant who would like to become an architect (or go into another field where it is a great asset).

Intuition is an under-rated asset. In my opinion, it is under-rated because it is typically associated with women. However, I am reasonably convinced that “intuition” is really the ability to read fairly subtle clues from other people, combined with the ability to view the world from another’s perspective, and to draw conclusions about another person’s probable actions or desires. Sounds like a good quality for someone who hopes to work for the Department of State? If the person is also hard-working and intelligent enough to acquire a good command of history and a foreign language or two, it does to me.

No, I was not pulling anyone’s leg about these qualities.

I am not sure why colleges desire “fun” in an applicant. My university colleagues, even the faculty members at the top schools, are actually not that much fun. They are inspiring, brilliant, and driven, but fun would be very low on the list of adjectives I’d use to describe them. They are perhaps fun in a way that a book on Quantum Field Theory can be “fun,” but I doubt that’s what the people looking for “fun” have in mind.

As far as I can tell “humility” is a kick that some schools have been on, for reasons I don’t exactly understand. I have seen committee members [grad level, not undergrad admissions] become baffled by letters describing applicants as “humble.” It was a big fad 5 or 6 years ago.

Being flexible can go either way. Intellectual flexibility to examine an issue from all sides is good. The ability to abandon pre-conceived notions is very good. Flexible moral standards? Occasionally good, but often wrong.

So really, the colleges prefer “fun,” humble, and flexible people to those with good spatial perception and good intuition? I think I could tell who the builders and states-persons of the future will be more accurately, based on the excerpt from my list of qualities.

Nice little narratives are written by good raconteurs. They can be interesting, of course, but I’d just as soon have the person who won the egg race in my class.

34

I’m not so sure that it’s anyone but the admissions officers that are concerned about applicants being humorous and witty.

I’ve read that in several articles - they get bored reading thousands of essays, so they enjoy the funny or very quirky ones.

I’ve always thought that was unfair - not everyone is a comedian.

35

The way we approached it was to leave certain clear lasting impression of the person you are, so that the adcom will feel “I definitely get who this kid is, and we want — no, we need — at least one kid like this.” This approach was paramount. For our kid, because there was no individual achievement on his application that leapt at your face, he had to sell the type of person made out of his best qualities.

36

I help students with essays professionally. Yes, it’s important to show not tell, but it’s more important to put together an essay that is cohesive and flows well. I would say that the most important thing I do when working with kids is help them organize the essay so that it best conveys what they want to say about themselves.

The most effective essays I’ve seen, IMO, were not necessarily chock full of description. One that stood out conveyed the sincere religious beliefs of the applicant, who applied primarily to Jesuit colleges. It was very important to her to express that part of her personality, but she did it in such a way that she didn’t seem to be a zealot. The best essay I have ever read, anywhere, was about my student’s experience of being approached to buy drugs from a junkie. It was beautifully written, a bit unsavory and very powerful. I cautioned her that it might not be the best topic for her ED school, but she was unwavering. She didn’t get in to her ED school, but is delighted about where she ended up. Both of those students had numerous offers and are happy with their final choice. Both of those students remained true to themselves by ensuring their essays captured their personalities.

I find that for many students, especially those for whom writing isn’t terribly instinctive, showing and not telling is an effective way of expressing themselves. It’s easier to write if you are recalling details of what happened and why, because the story can “write itself”, instead of the student struggling to recall what happened as merely an event.

37

@LeastComplicated , there’s “bragging,” which can come across as too much self focus, self centeredness, desire to prove you’re better, lack of perspective, maybe even immature thinking, vs knowing how to put your assets/strengths forward in a relevant way. Some one person using the word “brag” doesn’t mean superficial, “I’m great!”

Likablity is the same old things that make us like a person: not being so utterly self absorbed, being appropriate to the context, etc.

The reason you don’t write focused on grandpa is: this is NOT a hs essay, free topic week for the Engl teacher, who just wants to know what you choose and how you deliver. You don’t get in because you spent hours talking to him about the war (and especially not if you can’t actually tie that “interest in history” to anything subsequentl that you’ve done.) Or, a hs teacher may ask you to write in a flowerly way, as an exercise. It doesn’t mean adcoms need to smell the room or hear the knife slicing through the carrots.

This is for college entrance and you’re applying, not grandpa. What you did in 3rd grade isn’t how you will be chosen today, or not. If something inspires/ed you, that can be half a line, not a full blown essay.

No, you wouldn’t want spatial perception, wouldn;t choose team member just for that. You’d want a sense of their engagement with the environment in the past few years (which can come through in the Activities section.) Or any other experience that shows the confidence to try something new, gain from it, or tackle a challenge, and grow from it. Sometimes work as a team, sometimes alone. You certainly wouldn’t want a tale that reveals the outdoors intimidates you. Or even how majestic some mountain range is.

You might love an essay or article in a magazine about xx. That’s not what they need for building the class. I’ve read “urban threats” essays and it’s not enough to describe how shots ring out at night, it’s scary, I worry, and so I want out.

If you were applying for a job, would you emphasize, in a substatial part of the app, what happened in 3rd grade? With no tie to today’s “you?” (Happens a lot in essays. You get to the end and stare at the screen, wondering what you learned about the candidate.) If you know a college looks for stretchability, why would you think 3rd grade stretch is enough, lol?

Many colleges don’t care so much about the essay. Fine. But when you’re asking someone else for something- a job, an admit, a contest win, a chance to be on a team, why not try to glean what matters to THEM?

38

well the costco essay started with the applicant as a two year old, which hooked the adcoms into reading more of the essay, now yes the rest of the essay did talk about curiosity, discovery based on that experience, but I wouldn’t dismiss anything that happened at a young age so easily.

39

Wit is very difficult for a 17 year old to do well. Just not enough life experiences. When it hits the mark, it can be awesome. Often on CC, we advise against going for wit solely because too many kids can’t convey it well. Doing it well IS an atribute. Doing it poorly is not. You aren’t writing just for the hs posse or what makes Mom laugh. You’re writing for strangers.

Something that may be quite amusing at home can fall completely flat to an adult stranger with your admit chances in his/her hands. Think. (Think about how intensely pro comedians hone their craft, over a long time.)

The best advice imo, is to have fun with the big essay. But be relevant. Know what relevant means to your audience.

The religious beliefs thing is tricky because they aren’t looking for why you hold your beliefs, what they are, some declaration of faith. (Unless a religious college asks for this, specifically.) Rather, who are you with that AND beyond that. The ardent kid who can also show openness to other faiths, others’ choices, who crosses faith lines to do good, enjoy, form friendships, etc, is ahead. Personal faith may, in fact, be, “Because the Bible says.” (Or other foundations.) But the secular (and plenty of religious, too) colleges would like to see an open mind, for their community. Again. not just what you say, but how it shows.

Are essays boring? They can be. Few kids do them well. That’s not because you read so many and they all turn to butter. It’s because so many top performers don’t get the point. Nothing to grab onto and say, I like this kid because… and then list traits. It sure isn’t because she has great spatial perception or loves Grandpa.

Think about it that way when you work with your kids on essays: They will like you because…" That’s not, “Let’s admit her, she loves animals.”

And, to head a common reaction off at the pass: let’s not even think about saying low SES kids can’t write a fab essay. They can. They do. The best have a variety of experiences and understandings from which to draw.

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@theloniusmonk As far as I’m concerned, the Costo essay, in itself, is a fail. I’ve said before, I think there was a whole lotta something else that drew them to her, not this essay. I know some adcoms are quoted as liking it, but there has to be something else that inclined them toward her. Maybe the rest of her app/supp already did plenty of “showing” and the PS was just an idle romp, to them.

It is by no means a template for the vast majority of applicants out there.